Mental Health

I need some Councling.. I am very much emotional confused.. Unable to do something.. I don't know what state am in..

I've been in depression for over 2 years now and I finally decided I'll get some help because everything's getting out of control.

I am observing ups and downs in my mood from past few years. I have searched many related things on internet, and i got to know that i may be having bipolar disorder. Sometimes i feel extremely motivated, life seems so much beautiful. Sometimes i feel like life is unfair with me, and think about too many things in super depression.

It has been growing more and more to the point where I feel worthless. I feel that even to my husband, I am nothing more than a worthless excuse for a wife. This feeling extends to all my family. My brothers never talk to me, my sister only talk to me to gossip about other family members. I have one sister in law that does talk to me but only when it will get her attention. I feel ignored and used.

I get these urges to cry without any reason. I find it tough to wake up and go through the day.

I'm a 17 year old boy who gets suicidal thoughts but is very depressed at times even thought I have a lot of friend I feel alone and seperate from the group and its not that I do anything to myself when I get suicidal thoughts cuz I'm to chicken of a person to do anything to myself but at times I don't have a will to live like I don't even have a reason to get up tomorrow

Lack of confidence and fear of failure in future.no positivity and lack of concentration in study .no content feeling jealous of others .not feeling energetic

I dont know exactly but i have kind of a lost my interest for few months but during this week it was severe and several times i cried and thought of suicide and my grades are also suffering. Earlier i was able to concentrate for long periods but cant do even for a minite now.

I feel sad and depressed only for a short term. After sometime i become normal. Please suggest some pills to instantly cure my sadness

I've had random episodes of crying. I feel like I can't breathe sometimes. I have a constant throbbing headache. I might also be stressed.