I have everything parents,job,love etc etc but i am scared to laugh,i cry while laughing,i don't enjoy my life,everything is monotonous,i want to be pampered,i am in relationship for last 3 yrs but not happy, i feel alone i share everything with him but still most of the times i am alone. My mother is not well, i work at home also and no one thinks what i am going through,i have always lived for others ,i think a lot,i go out of my comfort zone for my loved ones but never received the same. My boyfriend tells me to share things with him but his life is very happening so he does not understand my situation i don't have any life outside working alone in ofc,cooking taking care of other people. I just don't want to live or i just want to go somewhere alone and take a deep breath and live alone there
I feel lonely , i am losing my interest in thing what i use love and even i cannot control my anger now day even small thing i get anger to the core
in all this one good thing is
i spend my whole day doing painting now
My husband doesn't trust me, keeps on asking question about my past relationships, doesn't let me go outside alone. Start quarreling when I want to go home. He disrespects my parents. I feel like I'm in a prison. I don't have right in anything in my in laws house even on my own child( 7 months old baby). He's too much boring, he doesn't take me outside for shopping. He doesn't want to go anywhere during holidays and spends the whole holidays by watching movie in laptop which I hate. He is too much egoistic. He becomes violent when he is angry. Sometimes he hits upon me when he is angry. He is too much reactive. Our family relation is not good. I'm leading an unhappy married life. Should I take divorce? In my home I have Father, mother and one sister. My sister is a psychiatric patient and that's why my baby is not safe there. Again, if i don't take divorce, that environment is also not good for my baby as my husband quarrels with me frequently and doesn't have any respect for me.
The past 3 months have been emotionally challenging for me. i dunno whats the purpose of my life or why was i even born. i failed to clear UPSC prelims . I quit my job for prep. I've led a very simple life no booze or drugs & not even a GF. Also my regretful past haunts me too. I can't talk to my parents or anyone about it . I'm a rational person & perhaps its my loneliness consuming me. i get suicidal thoughts atleast once in a week. Is this normal or am i just creating an illusion to accept failure & move ahead with a better plan. Pls help. Its out of my control as i was never like this before.
Sometimes i dont get these thoughts but when they do come...it just ruins my entire day & to a certain extent my preparation too.
Apart from exam results , some aspects of my teenage life of which i am ashamed to reveal to anyone is adding fuel to my state of disappointment in life. I talk to all about positivity and here i am running away from it.
I am taking levipil 1gm since 4 years. Recently I hd a child and she is 2 months old. I want to know that taking levipil while breastfeeding will have any side effect on my child? I have read on the net that it passes through human milk and the infant may feel dizziness so it is not recommended to nursing mothers. So should I stop using it or should reduce to 500mg. Please reply asap.
PLEASE NOTE: I did not experience any attack since 4 years.