Articles on relationships

Relationship, How Do You Do?

Ms. Mariella Zanoletti, Psychologist
For many years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I  have noticed is that  no matter which kind of relationship or marriage couples  are in, when they end up in my office it is  always for the same few reasons:  they want to be happier, healthier and  more-connected  even though the  issues can be different - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc. Despite this any relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.Suppose you are struggling in your relationship (and if you reading this article there is a big chance you are), you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:1. Love yourselfYou must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortfalls.2. Adopt a positive lifestyleThere are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle – practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise…just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life.3. Empathize with your partnerThe ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible.  If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again. 4. Take responsibility:Don’t try to figure out who’s rightWhen couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner.  Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it’s up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.5. Stay connectedWhen there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection.  Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well.  (However, sometime one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.).  And often,people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things together try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection6. Express thoughts,feelings, and wishes  Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don’t bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. 7. Try new things togetherBoredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging “self-expanding” activities together.8. Preserve your independenceDr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and care taking in long-term partnerships -- which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability -- damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.If after trying the above you are still  struggling with your relationship, make sure you  go and  see a couple therapist. Two couples talking in one couple’s living room. One says to the other, “The work being done on your marriage… are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?”

8 Advices for Those Struggling in Their Relationships

Dr. Vasavi Samyukta Sunki, Psychologist
Are you are struggling in your relationships?You might find it helpful to follow some of these life mantras: 1. Love yourself: You need to love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being who you are, simply with your presence you will be able to make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are, and showing yourself  unconditional love first will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your own shortcomings. 2. Adopt a positive lifestyle: There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly. 3. Empathize with your partner: The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right.  When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world. 5. Stay connected:  When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection.6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes: Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way. Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized. 7. Try new things together: Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love. Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together. 8. Preserve your independence: Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - dampen the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light. If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a psychologist for a couple counselling."Relationships Are The Essence Of Life, Preserve Them Carefully To Spread Positive Fragrance In Life."

What Defines a Healthy Relationship With Your Partner?

Dr. Milan Kumar, Dentist
Partner is a terminology, spouse is a Wikipedia term and hubby is the emotional matrix of the most complex institution in world called Marriage. It's easy to deliver key note tips but enormously difficult to execute self like a philosophical realizations to make a statement that ''my relationship is healthy with the partner.''I certainly don't wish to pen down a sweet literature on how to carry relationship. But here's a small essay from my own realization that Spouse is the life and LIVE phenomenon of your own judicious exercise of peddling the voyage of life where its not just a relationship; but rather your own metamorphism of dreams going real as like a reel. Canvasing  happens automatically and as sparkle of rays blossom so do the darkness and lightning, you just sit as a mute spectator of your own FILM where spouse is the real hero of that film.Now lets go the essay on the canvas you draw, paint and splash the colors with the dazzle stone of dreams, hope,expectation and the execution on all of them.BYE BYE BACHELORHOODWhen he/she is a single to mingle with anyone, living is a racing Bugatti bike where freedom don't make any stop by hurdles or spike. One is in a self domain where any facial likeness  is a addiction and family is a taboo. Doing night party, trekking in mountain any session and making an aimless drive with a loud music is just a chill for self. When you set yourself as an embodiment to live  with a person whom u need to stay and hang around for the rest of life then setting spree of motion need a guide regulatory, now don't tell me its a curbing of freedom .It's u need a protocol to guide self how to give dimension to your freedom, u can perform all the DO'S and not DO'S but it should abide to the partner to carry the drive and time of ones self where he/she will be a regular friend to be for all time to come. Meaning a simpler juggle of word he/she is not ZAROORI only rather will be the part and parcel in all your games and motions .So set the jet to Vroom the Vibe then all your post bachelor ship will be a jolliness than a burden.CHARM THE FIRST CANDYMillion write ups are there , but its you to set the first candy as charming as the caramel sundae u love from your childhood. Its unique for u and she is the most precious persona around the world who is going to garnish your live hood for ever. Emotion is  nectar when love is within and it comes in form of your expression on First ever candy u give her.As she will gaze,gauze and measure your gesture in her fantasy scale to build the image of you .It's the mirror image of all the imagination of self.Giving candy is a token, your  first gift on first dinner will create an aura to feel within that Ur mind-clock don't tickle anymore and there the heart jingles all the bells and the rhymer is so vibrating it sparkles on your smile, body vibe everything and anything. It lays the first pebble in building your own home not of papa neither of mummy they all assemble in one called family by the foundation pillar your hubby/darling /honey/duke u put all the adjectives into her.DRIVE OUT THE DOGMAIn a consumerist life style we initiate our carrier early and fall in fatal attraction to the other sex no matter  we officious in Cincinnati ,Singapore or our own turf Bengaluru, It was a status symbol to be duo than Uni when roaming in social circles and close group partying.Then Expectation touches the cliffhanger and rosy petals disperse away giving a black mole on your own pass by. It haunts and stinks if one attempts burying out the past.Don't be in a dogma at all to discuss the past, let's have the courage to face off, express self, drive out the urge, be honest to let the partner know all your past, your emotion outburst and the small story happened so that from their itself u start pedaling the jolliness and joy with all a new beginning. Driving out the dogma, clears the darkness , it makes the tandem of time to slowly evolve you both to emerge as champion and it makes the stitch in time so that your relationship based on honesty and truthfulness.It makes a healthy, wealthy rainbow and one day you find self at CLOUD 9.ELOQUENCE THE ENGINESoliciting partnership is a energy driven engineering where from draft to design and collar to pillar all need eloquence the engine by nobody else but you.Make work and office be coined in its time, rest of the day is your own.You need to be smart enough to make room for your partner in every natty gritty.Like if you are getting back from office just corroborate to bring the launderettes, to catch the basket of fruit and the energy drink and the pill for her thyroid  so that it facilitate her to cook a macaroni and a luscious Mexican taco in home. Drop her to  workplace, give the tiff inbox with few cookies which she had not prepared  due overnight work,when ever possible , it gives a real impetus to encourage her freedom of work.If guest are there aid her in making the party-hoppers a real joy . All lo vein to come to your home as the feel u the most desired host for all the mischief -monger,even  crunchy friends  to segregate to have the fun n frolic .It will  make you a darling in a course of time without your knowledge even and everybody praising GA-GA of your partner.FINANCE IS FIANCEE NOT FRIGHTJingoism and Ego of  earning as a finance power often make hurricane ire in the voyage of life due extreme attitude.Finance makes freedom , so do it makes fright too.When you institutionalized marriage then life partner is the most solicited body to nurture your goal with Midas touch to your financial prospect to build the biggest dream of life called MY HOME.Its not a real estate neither electronic gadgets to make comfort its you duo who exercise your blood and sweat to achieve financial freedom.So no matter its  as small as pebble, make united plan, set small SIP's, let her be part to make the saving, expense and long term goals with u. exchanging your bachelor time ALTO to New DUSTER will happen, Plasma TV with home theater  also, but first discuss  free of your finance and so do her earning if any.It will make you both to wish the desire, and will convert your will to expectations and the realty takes.So zero chance of false promise and practical moves to set one after another stones to merge with a strong prosperity with choosing priority .Galvanize the GameOften we debate , is it possible to lead life with same person for a century. Hohhot its triumph or  a glance of boredom of stagnancy.Just recent the murder mystery of a Media tycoon 's worst ever complex  relation ship of multiple partner and wife's prior partners [Sheena Vora Case] and his daughters end of life describes the dangerous outcome of these thought even.So true we don't dare to galvanize the game rather make others  blame.Accepting ones own strength and making pace will inspire your partner to be jovial , vital and a cheer of the living spree.Its not Yoga, neither a gym pumping of multitasking exercise, nor a jogging even. Its one self to galvanize to make every day a Fun day.Make commitment to self to stay fit and healthy so that you will always be energetic to go gully mohalla sport , swimming and little fun to nearby places with your partner to constantly adding spice to the life to  splash rainbow of Colors. Be in vigor  and make partner sporty , a zest always to face any sequence , hazard and darkness.It will make you and her courageous enough to meet the bald patch of life and harmonize your relation to go [We not i]. Often in a busy schedule of work we forget to add value to partner, and we feel a diamond ring or a lush gold necklace is the only precious one to be gifted.Run the extra mile to stay fit to  make her a fun on your sex.Take less oil and make her learn and add cookeries of different spangle to have always a rejoice of foods at home. Go a few kilometer on return drive to present her favorite jasmine flower and a nectar from local body , it works a radiance of smile which no dollars can buy.All you need is to galvanize the game so that its a saga of ecstasy.HOME is ROMELifestyle and work pressure made us robotic and dynamism turned into material buy.We often forget that the partner is also passing through same turmoil and we thrust our agony, frustration and depression over her in term of annoyance and yelling.Home is a Rome'' so real and fact that philosophy turns poem in each practical day.Home is the ultimate resting cocoon where safety, soothing and sizzling boils into Bliss called love in the pot of emotion.Home is the statement of both where all your material desire burns into ash and it gives blossoming of flower of happiness. Make all your social media, wi-fi, ex-fiancee and all your groups,apps a second seat , feel the curliness of her hair, feel the sweat on her neck, feel the drooling eyes of her tiredness , it will make u joy withing and will automatically set your goal for the century. The ultimate statement of mine to make relationship with your partner happy is''TIME MEMORIAL TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN AND AGAIN WITH THE SAME PERSON, NO MATTER OF ANY IRE." Life is a voyage of bonhomie on the deep blue sea of time, hiccups and nausea are bound to come, all you need is to go, swim, n dive  together,as an interwoven string to come out to the coast with flying color n Dazzling smile,that's called Eternal,some name it LOVE.

What to Do After a Breakup

Akshata Bhat, Psychiatrist
The end of a relationship often feels like the end of the world. After all the time and energy you have invested in it, it is very painful when it gets over. Suddenly there is a void that is created, left behind by the person whom you shared so much with. You find yourself in shock, and you don’t know how to deal with it. There is a lot of grief and anger which you don’t know how to process. You begin to doubt your own self-worth and worry that there is something wrong with you. You become convinced that you will remain alone forever, or that you never want to be in a relationship again. Many deal with this by getting into a rebound relationship, substance use and/or immerse themselves deeply in work or activities.Here are some of the things you can do to reduce the havoc caused by a breakup:1. CryCatharsis refers to the act of releasing emotions. This creates a therapeutic effect, as you express and acknowledge the emotions you are feeling. Crying helps in catharsis; which is why we often feel a sense of relief after crying.2. TalkTalk to someone: a friend, parent, co-worker, teacher, anyone who will give you a patient ear. By verbally expressing yourself, you are again indulging in catharsis.3. Express yourselfIf you do not feel comfortable talking, or have difficulty in expressing yourself, write it down. You can keep a thought diary, online journal or a blog. Alternatively, if you are very creative, you can express yourself through art, painting or music.  Write a song about your breakup, if it helps you.4. Give time, timeGive yourself time to heal. Don’t pressure yourself to follow a time table to get better, and that you HAVE to feel better by a particular time. Everyone takes their own time to heal, and do so in different ways; so don’t compare your journey to others.5. Focus on youIn relationships, it is common to spend a lot of time and energy on the other person’s well-being and interests, resulting in self-neglect. Put the spotlight on you. Whether it’s a new dress, a fitness program or spending money to learn something new, make it all about you.6. Stay busyKeep yourself occupied throughout the day, whether it is with work, study or hobbies. Diverting your energy into other things will not only distract you but help you improve your skills in these areas.7. Keep on moving You may feel low and uninterested in doing anything at all, and you find yourself literally sitting around; doing nothing. You may also find it difficult to concentrate on any tasks that require your attention. In such situations, get moving. Go for a walk. Workout. Dance. Physical exercise causes the release of ‘happy chemicals’ (endorphins) produced by your own body, which elevate your mood and improve your threshold to pain.8. Maintain perspectiveRelationships are an important part of life, but they are not everything. Make a list of life goals and plan how to achieve them. You will see that there is a lot more to life.9. Be mindfulThe philosophy behind mindfulness, in very simple words, is ‘be here now.’ It means that your entire attention is on the task at present. Mindfulness can be applied to any activity that you do, whether it is cooking, gardening, washing dishes, colouring, etc. Being mindful helps you to live in the present moment, and keeps you focused on what you are doing.10. Get help if requiredIf you feel depressed, anxious or overwhelmed, and recognise that you are not able to cope, seek professional help at the earliest. If you feel suicidal, hopeless or worthless, or are concerned that you may harm yourself in any way, consult a psychiatrist immediately.

Why You Need Pillow Talk for Better Sex

Priyadarshini Pant
Sex, no matter how stigmatized and alienated it is in the society it remains one of the most important, common and favorite of all the life experiences across species. Great sex doesn’t come easy it takes some Chit Chat Sessions.Sadly this much needed practice barely exists in the bedrooms. Talking about sex becomes essential if a couple wishes to have an enriching and mutually satisfying sexual relationships. Sex Therapists have frequently documented a lack of or even absence of communication about sex between the partners. Partners usually introverts and female partners feel shy, guilty and even scared when it comes to expressing their needs, likes and dislikes. For the most part these feelings are the result of the social taboos, and gender role stereotypes.As a Psychotherapist I keep receiving messages and emails asking various questions. Some of the most common questions are about how do I understand my partner’s needs? How can I make my partner talk about sex? How to inquire if she likes what I do or how to make her speak about what she wants me to do with her?After reading numerous emails two things suddenly struck my mind, first there are those who have trouble interacting freely with their partners. second, there are many responsible partners struggling to establish an open, respecting and comfortable relationship.This article is for all those wise people who believe in effective pillow talk that may work wonders with their sex lives. Read to find out how:OPENING THE DOORS: If your partner is reserved, shy or isn’t comfortable discussing sexual matters give him/her some time. One may resist the urge to jump start the discussions about the wild fantasies, or the reckless sexual experiences and begin with casual talks, asking about your partner’s mood, health, day, work etc. Make your partner comfortable, and give them the required space. This facilitates warmth in a relationship and brings people close. This way partners get to know each other better, and feel emotionally connected which in turn makes it easier for both of the partners to know each other deeply, feel open and concerned about the other partner and enjoy the conversations with each other. This opens the door for frank, free and intimate conversations.REMAINING PATIENT: Patience is the key to bedroom discussions. Sometimes a partner doesn’t respond to the other partner’s initiatives. This is usually perceived as indifference and disinterest which may not always be the case. One may expect their partners to respond and be spontaneous in conversations however depending on your partner’s thought process and emotional state it may be helpful to give them the required time to verbalize their minds. Patiently waiting for their responses and even changing the topic to something else if your partner isn’t comfortable are subtle cues that help your partner realize that you understand them, care for them and that they’re with a safe person. This feeling of security helps them respond and even initiate the discussions freely.DISCUSSING THE FEARS, FEELINGS & TABOOS: It is essential to understand what makes your partner shy away from discussing the sexual matters. A young couple in distress came for marital therapy. The man felt dissatisfied in the relationship because his wife didn’t respond to his seductive and erotic moves, she didn’t guide him when he asked her about how she felt and remained like a dummy. On interview with the wife it was found that she was overwhelmed by shame whenever her husband asked her about how she felt, she also felt confused if she should respond to her husband’s questions and if she has the right to feel the pleasure, she admitted "I try to be blank when he is close. I think he might think bad of me if he gets to know I enjoyed sex" Taking a dive into your partner’s mind to understand their fears, insecurities, and confusions saves a relationship from unwanted troubles.GAINING TRUST: A man recently wrote to me about his relationship difficulty with his girlfriend. His issue was that he wanted to keep his conversations, meetings, fights and makeups with his girlfriend personal whereas his girlfriend used to tell everything to her friends and even post the details on the social media. He had requested her to cut down on this practice and keep the personal affairs private but she didn't seem to understand. This left him frustrated and even confused about continuing with the relationship. Sometimes the partners are not able to discuss their deep desires and not willing to go forward in the relationship due to the perceived lack of trust or insecurities. The fear that you might share their secrets with others thus partners should be sensitive enough to each others emotional needs. It is the responsibility of a partner to make sure that the other partner feels safe in a relationship. Some people wish to keep their private lives secret and thus ensuring the need for privacy (not discussing your bedroom lives in public, and avoiding to record intimate scenes etc.) should be the top priority for both the partners. BEING RESPECTFUL & ACCEPTING: It is important to remain respectful and accepting. I remember a male client who was utterly disturbed after an interaction with his girlfriend a night before. The couple started playing the game wherein they had to share their intimate details. Gathering a lot of courage this boy shared a very personal detail with his partner. Contrary to what he had expected the partner started laughing at him, made fun of him and even called him names. This experience was so humiliating for the client that he started avoiding girls, fearing relationships and staying quiet. One should be very careful about their actions and reactions when your partner shares something private with you. Respect the faith that they’ve shown in you and appreciate their courage. SHARING SEXUAL FANTASIES & PREFERENCES: This involves spending a good time together simply telling and listening to your partner about the sexual fantasies, likes and dislikes. This is the process of knowing each other however you or your partner shouldn’t feel obliged to act on the fantasies immediately without being sure about them . Such conversations allow better understanding of each other, their comfort zones, figuring out common interests, feeling emotionally connected and concerned, cooking up your thoughts for the night and even spicing up your mood to try something new.PROCEEDING WITH MUTUAL CONSENT: Whatever you try in your bedroom, make sure both, you and your partner are comfortable doing it. Also remember to ask your partner if they are willing to proceed or not. Such inquiries communicate concern, respect and help your partner open up and feel free. On the other hand anything forced may lead to emotional damage and rupture in the relationship.OVERCOMING DISABLING EMOTIONS: Shame and guilt are common emotions. All of us experience them at some point or another, especially in the bedrooms between the sheets. It is not rare to feel anxious before, during or after you undress in front of a person, fear their judgments about you, your skills, your body, feeling ashamed in expressing yourself, guilt of not being able to match their expectations etc. Shame, fear, anxiety and guilt together complicate the matter and make it difficult for a person to feel the passion, enjoy the moment and use creativity. It may take a while for your partner to overcome the burden of these disabling emotions and enjoy the ride of candid conversations with you. Sex is much more than just a biological act. It is the manifestation of your Psyche, it gets better with deep emotional connection and desirable understanding. Couples  plan some cozy pillow talk sessions and experience the difference. Don't Just Have Sex, Make Love!!

Sensate Focusing – Sensual Exercises That Increase Intimacy

Dr. Ramesh Maheshwari, Sexologist
Mutual pleasuring by touchingTouch is a vital of personal human communication. Tenderness, affection, solace, understanding, desire, warmth, comfort, any feeling can be conveyed to the partner by touching. Thus, a fullness of sexual expression can be achieved. This actually eliminates the pressure of performance and hence fear of failure.Procedure:Both the partners are equally involved. The entire act should be slow, steady and full of love and understanding. There should be no time limit.Step1Both the partners take off their clothesOne partner (either one) gives experience of pleasurable touching to the other; massages or fondles the otherA soothing lotion is used for applicationThe receiving partner gives verbal/nonverbal directions about preferences for the location and the intensity of touchingThe giving partner provides pleasure accordingly to the getting partnerThe receiving partner should inform the giving partner if anything is unpleasant, irritating or distractingBoth should think and feel sensuouslyAvoid touching the breasts and genitals at this stageThe couple should not proceed to intercourseThe entire procedure is reciprocated by the other partnerThe procedure is repeated daily for 3-4 days.Step 2The previous procedure is repeated by both the partnerThey proceed to the touching the breasts and genitalThe couple should not proceed to intercourseTouching is reciprocated by the other partnerThis is repeated daily for next 3- 4 days.Step 3Touching is done to each other by both in a simultaneous and mutual way.Note: In Indian situation, Sensate Focus Exercise can be done by taking bath together and using oil for massage, provided there is availability of enough of water and privacy.

Looking to Add Spice to Your Sex-Life? Take Notes

Ms. Manavi Khurana, Psychologist
Many couples do not work to re-ignite the passion in bed and inevitably, their sex life goes on a downward curve. Why does this happen? Is it that we get habituated to each other and the excitement or the novelty dies? Or is there a power dynamic in the house?  Is initiating sex only one sided? Is intimacy missing love?These days there are a number of factors that decide which way we are headed with intimacy. In India, where we are mostly a patriarchal family system, there may be some power dynamics that interfere with sex life. If one partner always initiates sex according to their desires or convenience then this can cause dissatisfaction and impact the quality of sex.  Talk about it if you feel like you are not getting a chance to initiate intimacy when you feel like this is becoming a pattern.There is resentment among those that live a fast/busy urban life that their partners do not have time for them or don’t necessarily “love” them. A lot of these couples are having sex but not making love. In intimate relationships one often feels the need for love outside the bedroom or instead of jumping straight at it; some foreplay. Things like kissing each other, smelling your partners’ neck or hair, kissing their forehead or massaging their shoulders can go a long way.  It is necessary to date your partner and make an effort every once in a while; this shows them that they are on your priority list with other things like your job, family, friends etc. If they don't for a long period of time when the other partner feels the need can often become cause for conflict and resentment. In this day and age where our devices consume us; our attention is a lot of time divided and switching from one thing to another; those couples that are able to keep sometime talking and paying complete attention to each other are able to communicate; get to know each other better and thereby are more compatible.Couples that have been together for long can try new and different things. This is important because marital discord can stem from lack of sexual intimacy.We usually create patterns and schedules and do things (or the lack of) accordingly. If you notice that you have created this routine; which is necessary for some especially those with children; you can try and get creative with being intimate at an odd hour or at a new space. Making the effort and actually trying new things every once in a while has a positive affect on the quality of your relationship. So go ahead and take the dive!Karma Center for Counselling & Wellbeing is a Holistic, Multidisciplinary and Wellbeing focused Mental Health Care Provider.We are a team of Clinical, Child, Counselling & Industrial/Organizational Psychologists. Our services include Counselling, Psychotherapy, Assessments,Trainings & Workshops.For moreinformation Please feel free to get in touch with us at info@karmacare.inPhone: 011-26155266  Website: www.karmacare.inAddress:F7/7 Vasant Vihar, 1st floor, New Delhi 110057 IndiaHours: Monday to Saturday 10.30am-6.30pm (Bookings by Appointment only)

5 Practices To Make You A Happier Person

Ms. Mariella Zanoletti, Psychologist
According to Ben-Shahar, psychologists have traditionally focused on everything that is wrong with us—our anger, our anxiety, our depression. The field of positive psychology turns that strategy on its head, focusing instead on what is working well in our lives. If all we ever do is try to eliminate ailment, he points out, then the best we’ll ever do is not be sick. By learning to emphasize joy, happiness and personal development, we find benefits far beyond the “not sick” set point.5 Things You Can Do to Chipper up:1. Give Yourself Permission to Be Human: “When you feel like crying, cry,” Ben-Shahar advises. “When you feeling like laughing, laugh.”  Suppressing an emotion will only ensure its clear announcement later. Permit yourself unconditional acceptance and be okay with exactly who you are–tears, shame, crazy fits and all.2. Develop Self-Concordant Goals: In order to be happy, positive psychologists say, align your goals and values. When we register our accomplishments as meaningful PLUS pleasurable, we get document-able benefits in return.3. Cultivate Your Mind-Body Connection: Ben-Shahar emphasizes the impact of movement and physical affection on well-being. He describes one study wherein major depressive patients who exercised were less likely to “relapse” after ten months, compared to groups who improved  by medication alone.4. Value Your Healthy Personal Relationships: Too many folks make a big mistake when it comes to long-term relationships, says Ben-Shahar. We end up looking for friends and lovers who will validate us or assure us that we’re likeable and normal. That kind of validation should come from within. In healthy relationships, the partners seek to understand each other, to know one another’s most private fears, insecurities and motivations5. Focus on the Positive: This one is probably easier prescribed than carried out, but there are scientific reasons why we should develop a habit of dwelling on the positive. Positive psychologists find that happiness is more dependent on STATE of MIND than on any environmental factor, as long as basic needs are met.  A growing body of work that falls under the rubric of Gratitude Research finds that practices like listing everything you’re thankful  lead to statistically significant increases in happiness.