- Listen To Your Partner
All communication requires two basic necessities-a speaking voice and listening ear. Relationships are superficial if we do not listen carefully. Most of us practice selective listening, switching off and on as it suits us. Listening is an art that we all can learn.
It involves both hearing and paying attention. It is a window into your spouse’s world. It is an opportunity for you to realize that your spouse’s concerns are important to you.
You should not only listen to your spouse carefully but should also hear the full story before reacting. Your vocabulary should be full of positive words for yourself as well as for your partner. While listening, you should keep continuous eye contact to encourage better communication. You should not try to interrupt your partner midway. Verbal or nonverbal acknowledgement also assures that you have listened carefully. If possible you should summarize or restate whatever you have heard to ensure that you have not misunderstood whatever partner communicated.
- Appreciate Your Partner
All of us yearn to receive compliments which assure that we are loved and appreciated. Nowadays, couple peruses careers and live hectic professional lives, So it’s very important for them to take a time-out to talk, share and express feelings to each other. They should learn to share and appreciate each other’s taste.
Insults and caustic comments will never change anyone for the better; they will only aggravate the situation. Neither, you should criticize your partner nor you should compare your partner with another person. You can express your appreciation in style through a little sympathy, understanding, kindness and a flair for right words. There are so many ways to persuade and influence your partner in a positive sense.
Your compliments not only make your partner happy but also build up the self-esteem of your partner. If your spouse has a special talent or gift, you should encourage your partner to pursue his or her interests. You should appreciate your partner’s skills and share what is important to him or her. This way, you meaningfully participate in your partner’s interest. This sense of understanding and appreciation should grow with time to nourish and strengthen the bond between them.
- Understand Your Partner
Understanding human nature is indeed a complex and challenging art. Each human being is unique- a profound and mysterious being. Understanding is most precious quality a person possesses. It requires kindness, empathy, tolerance, patience and a healthy respect for other’s interest. The best way to understand is to be understanding i.e. to observe something from the bottom to top. Unfortunately, we are losing the ability to understand others. We rush into snap judgments. We develop strong opinions on everything and everyone even when we really don’t know about them.
To make the relationship stronger, you should learn to be emphatic. Empathy means nothing but understanding other person’s point of view. It is an excellent technique for strengthening relationships. It should be based on mutual respect. To be empathetic, you have to step out of your rigid, inflexible perspectives and see the world from another person’s viewpoint.
Tolerance is another virtue to make the relationship successful. Tolerance is nothing but a sincere effort to understand, appreciate and respect your partner’s beliefs and habits. This doesn’t mean you simply accept the other’s point of view. It only means you make an effort to understand it. As you make the effort to understand your partner; you grow in the understanding of yourself and events of life. This way you acquire wisdom and patience and learn to avoid misunderstandings.
- Forgive Your Partner
No human being is perfect on this earth. Therefore no relationship is perfect either. Misunderstandings accidents and quarrels are inevitably occurring in any relationship. Some of us forgive easily but cannot forget. Forgiveness is the characteristic trait of selfless and unconditional love. It should not be based on logic, methodology, justice and must be spontaneous. It is simple and straightforward; you accept your partner’s shortcomings still continue to love.
You need to erase the bitter memories of the past to create a happy future. You require an honest apology, a generous acknowledgement, and loving forgiveness to wipe out the bitterness and anger. It’s not only extended to your spouse but it requires a healing process inside you so that you do not feel any bitterness or resentment about what happens. It’s always a good thing to communicate your expectations and disappointments. Speaking out is far better than brooding on such matters. You should confess your dissatisfaction, and look at each other’s failings or shortcomings as opportunities for strengthening the bond.
- Don’t Expect Perfectionism
No man and woman are ever perfect. Frailties and imperfections abound in each of us. We succumb to anger, falsehood, and prejudice and hate so easily and so often. An important part of the relationship is to understand and make allowances for the failings of your partner.
Expect your spouse for what he or she is, not for what he or she would be, could be or should be. It’s good for you to go with a clear-eyed realization that life has its limitations and relationship has their store of problems. You suffer from painful disillusion when you find the reality of life is not matching with your fantasy. You face disappointment and frustration and feel cheated when you expect too much from your relationship in the first place. When you adopt a realistic and compassionate approach to your partner and life, you grow in understanding and maturity and your relationship become rewarding.
- Avoid The Serious Fight
Every relationship has its share of misunderstandings and differences but the wise person learns from it. Constant quarrelling can damage any relationship but if the disagreement is constructive and handled in the right way it can actually strengthen the relationship. There is no need for a couple to conform to each other, think alike or have similar perspectives. Rather these differences must be cherished and accepted as opportunities to learn more and more about your partner and in the process reach a better understanding of yourself.
You should be sensitive to the moods of your partner. This will help you to understand, when to be gentle and when to be tough. If your partner is in a mood to quarrel, you should be patient. Both should never lose the temper at the same time. When you disagree or agree to differ as the euphemism goes, you are expressing your individuality and independence.
When a quarrel arises, both just speak in anger and respond with more anger. If you wish the bad mood to end quickly then both of you must learn to control yourself. When you exercise self-control, you are cutting off fuel to the fire, which is sure to die quickly. In emotionally charged crises, you should not reply back or counter punch.
So, every effort you make to resolve the conflict or disagreement works ultimately to make the relationship stronger and more secure.
- Develop a Sense of Humor
The world seems to have grown very serious nowadays. We tend to look at life solemnly we have begun to equate maturity with seriousness. We believe that wisdom cannot be accompanied by laughter. True life is serious business and requires our deliberate consideration and thoughtful purpose but a little fun and laughter now and does plenty of good for everyone. Humour is an all-round tonic. It promotes your physical mental and emotional wellbeing. Love also grows strong and healthy when it is nourished a healthy sense of humour.
The happiness thrives on fun laughter and play and these all are therapeutic. Laughter diffuses stress and tension. It promotes relationships and improves communications. It forms the bonding between you and your partner. Couple must learn to laugh and make each other laugh and should not get trapped in daily chores, rituals, and work. A little can change the day. When things get you down, do not explode in anger and stress instead find a reason to laugh and you will see that anger and stress simply melt away.
- Learn to Resolve Conflicts
Every relationship contains conflicts and disagreements. A conflict exists in a relationship when the action of your partners prevents or interfere with your action. Some people grew up in families where there are constant fights and quarrels. Underneath these families really loved each other but the problem is that they only knew how to express anger and not to express love. So they should learn how to express love constructively where other people grew up in families thinking that anger was meant to be suppressed as it had never been expressed in their families so they should learn to express anger in a constructive way. They should be quick to soothe and heal the wounds and rebuild their sense of understanding and commitment to keeping the communication open.
It’s a general feeling in our society that conflicts are bad or should be avoided but the reality is conflicted are negative and positive in nature too. If you avoid conflicts and not resolve them then sooner or later serious difficulties arise. If in a relationship your disagreement, differences, and expectations are not expressed openly then you or your partner may start behaving in a negative way and the situation becomes tense day by day unless the opportunity is given to resolve it openly. In a positive sense, conflicts encourage change. There are the times when old habit patterns and attitude need to modify. It makes you aware of the problem within a relationship that needs to be resolved. Conflict helps in decision making too. It helps us to understand whether we are liked as an individual, what makes us angry, what scares us and what is valuable to us.
The couple may have different ways of resolving the conflict. The couple can resolve conflicts in the following ways–FIGHT, FLIGHT, and FREEZE. You have your own style and strategy which you usually apply in conflict situations. While using these, you should keep in mind how important your partner is and how important your goals, expectations, and needs are. You should not hesitate to discuss your heart out without fear.
- Keep Your Love Fresh
After relationship couple takes each other for granted. It’s good to develop a healthy sense of dependence on each other. You must learn to be flexible. Each partner should have a will to change and give in just a little for the sake of the relationship. The couple should spare more time to be in each other’s company. The couple should loosen their schedules and deadlines so that their relationship doesn’t suffer. The couple should work to keep their love fresh.
As per the marriage counsellors, a person should take the trouble to study your partner. Understand your partner’s likes and dislikes. Appreciate your partner’s strengths and weaknesses. You should be sensitive to your partner’s moods and feelings. You must know what pleases and what upsets your partner. You must know when to encourage and when to discourage your partner. In other words, do not take your partner granted.
- Spend Time Together
In the modern world due to our hectic schedules, nobody has a quantity of time. Giving your time to someone means you really care about that person. When you are spending your time with your partner, it means you are investing an important part of your life which cannot be taken back. That time should be distraction free where both of you can engage in meaningful talk and leisure activities. This can foster a great sense of togetherness so both of you should spend some quality time together every day.
By spending time together, you indicate the importance of your partner in your life which further restores peace, balance, and harmony in your relationship. Make sure whatever time you spend with your partner that should be relaxing and help you to unwind. You should avoid talking about daily chores, finances, and any contentious issues. Other people should not be part of your discussions and your focus should be on each other. You can either go for a vacation or join some hobby classes together. The time that you spend with your partner will help you to know and understand your partner on the deeper level.