Break-ups are devastating. For a few, it is very difficult to move on in life and they keep holding on to you. Calling you several times, hoping that at least one call might change your mind. This makes it so difficult for you to move on in peace, especially when deep down in your heart, you know you are done with the relationship. Several emotions engulf you. Guilt, remorse, anger, resentment and a lingering feeling of love and attachment. You wish to move on with your life, forget all the residual negative feelings the relationship left you with, cherish the lovely moments spent together and treat them as a memory. Your ex, however, makes it hard for you to do that. What do you do?
DECIDE FIRMLY WHAT YOU WANT
Agreed your relationship was beautiful with its flaws. Think about all the different ways you could've made it work. Where would that have led you both? Do you see a fulfilling relationship in the future? Or have you somehow persuaded yourself that you will adjust and compromise and drag this relationship further only because you both have spent so much time together and there's no one else in sight?
If your answer is the former, then do everything you can to make it work. Relationships are flawed. Two imperfect people come together and there are bound to be differences. If these differences can be worked on, then you both can truly find something beautiful in the future, only if you both are ready to learn from your past mistakes in the relationship. If your answer is the latter, then just let go!!! There is no point in dragging a dead corpse of a relationship around. The longer you hold on, the more difficult it is going to be for you both to get over each other and this is only going to lead to an extremely toxic relationship! Make a firm decision. If there is any confusion, keep asking the above-mentioned questions to yourself until you reach a satisfactory answer that convinces you.
GET OVER YOUR GUILT
Whatever the reason you broke up. Whether you both were not compatible, whether you were insecure or your partner was, whether either of you cheated on the other. Whatever the reason may be. It is imperative that you understand that EVERYONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN EMOTIONS AND LIFE. You never were or will be responsible for your ex's emotions. It is not your duty to make them live a good life. It is theirs. It is your ex's choice to not move on. It is their choice to hold on to you. That is something that they have to deal with and not you.
The kindest thing you can do is terminate all contact because by staying in touch, you are giving hopes to the person. Every time you speak to them or meet them, they are going to look for little signs of that lingering love between the both of you. That is not fair to them. You are in no way being kind by soothing them and helping them get over you by being their friend or counsellor. It is no longer your responsibility.
WAS IT REALLY LOVE?
Emotional abuse takes many forms. A lot of people in relationships do not understand that they are being emotionally abused. Your ex may play the victim and keep reminding you of the same. They will make you feel guilty for forgetting them so soon and trying to move on. You too end up feeling guilty and may reignite the relationship purely out of this guilt. Remember, the victim always becomes an abuser. By not allowing you to get over them and lead a fulfilling life, your victim ex just turned into an abuser.
Here the question arises, was it really love? Maybe it was at a certain point. And though I know it sounds cliche, love does set you free. When you think of the higher good for your partner, the answer comes clearly to you. Set them free. You are the one holding on to them when you entertain their presence in your life. Not them who are holding on to you. If you have hurt them, you can only hope for forgiveness from yourself. That is something you will have to deal with in your own life, in your way.
Maybe someday, you both can be great friends. You can cherish the moments you spent together and maybe if you both have learnt your lessons and feel a strong connection with each other, you can let go of the past and gift each other a fulfilling relationship.
Till then, keep the bigger picture in mind. Feel responsible only for your life. Do not allow any one emotionally abuse you. Set each other free!