The desire to fit in and feel like you are part of a group is normal, and most people feel this way sometimes, especially in the teen and young adult years. Peer pressure, that feeling that you have to do something to fit in, be accepted, or be respected, can be tough to deal with. It can be overt (i.e., friends telling you to do something) or less direct (e.g., friends joking around about you are not doing what they are doing). When faced with overt or indirect pressure to do something you're not sure about, try using the following strategies:

  • Give yourself permission to avoid people or situations that don't feel right and leave a situation that becomes uncomfortable. Work on setting boundaries. It's OK for you to do what is best for you.
  • Check in with yourself. Ask, "How am I feeling about this?", "Does this seem right to me?", "What are the pros and cons of making this decision?"
  • Recognize unhealthy dynamics. It's not OK for others to pressure, force, or trick you into doing things you don't want to or for others to make threats if you don't give in.
  • Spend time with people who respect your decisions and won't put unfair pressure on you to conform.
  • Remember that you can't (and don't have to) please everyone or be liked by everyone. This can be hard to accept, but it helps to try.
  • When people or situations that make you feel pressured are not avoidable, try the "delay tactic". Give yourself time to think about your decision instead of giving an immediate answer; "Let me think about that", "Can I get back to you?" or "Check back with me in an hour."
  • When you can't avoid or delay a pressure-filled situation, practice saying "No, thanks" or just "No!" If "no" feels uncomfortable, practice using other responses, such as "Not today," "Maybe another time," or "Thanks, but I can't."
  • It's OK to use an excuse if the truth is too challenging. For example, if someone offers you a drink and you want to say no but feel awkward, say you're on medication or have to get up early the next day. 
  • Take a friend who supports you along if you are going to be in a pressure-filled situation and let them know what your intentions are (e.g., "I don't want to drink, so if you see me about to, remind me that I wanted to stay sober").
  • Stand up for others when you see them being pressured. "Bystander intervention" (stepping in to help out when you see someone in trouble) can be an effective way to support others and send a message.
  • Ask for advice or support from a parent or other trusted family members, a clergy person, a mentor, or a counselor if you need it.