Many couples do not work to re-ignite the passion in bed and inevitably, their sex life goes on a downward curve. Why does this happen? Is it that we get habituated to each other and the excitement or the novelty dies? Or is there a power dynamic in the house?  Is initiating sex only one sided? Is intimacy missing love?

These days there are a number of factors that decide which way we are headed with intimacy. In India, where we are mostly a patriarchal family system, there may be some power dynamics that interfere with sex life. 

  • If one partner always initiates sex according to their desires or convenience then this can cause dissatisfaction and impact the quality of sex.  Talk about it if you feel like you are not getting a chance to initiate intimacy when you feel like this is becoming a pattern.
  • There is resentment among those that live a fast/busy urban life that their partners do not have time for them or don’t necessarily “love” them. A lot of these couples are having sex but not making love. In intimate relationships one often feels the need for love outside the bedroom or instead of jumping straight at it; some foreplay. Things like kissing each other, smelling your partners’ neck or hair, kissing their forehead or massaging their shoulders can go a long way.  
  • It is necessary to date your partner and make an effort every once in a while; this shows them that they are on your priority list with other things like your job, family, friends etc. If they don't for a long period of time when the other partner feels the need can often become cause for conflict and resentment. 
  • In this day and age where our devices consume us; our attention is a lot of time divided and switching from one thing to another; those couples that are able to keep sometime talking and paying complete attention to each other are able to communicate; get to know each other better and thereby are more compatible.
  • Couples that have been together for long can try new and different things. This is important because marital discord can stem from lack of sexual intimacy.
  • We usually create patterns and schedules and do things (or the lack of) accordingly. If you notice that you have created this routine; which is necessary for some especially those with children; you can try and get creative with being intimate at an odd hour or at a new space. 

Making the effort and actually trying new things every once in a while has a positive affect on the quality of your relationship. So go ahead and take the dive!