Emotional abuse happens to most of the women, even men, all over the world. Like physical wounds, even emotional abuse wounds are taking too long to heal. Those emotional wounds are so deep that adverse effects of it take time to wear off.It affects physical health as well as the emotional state of mind, relationship with others and behavior.
Self-esteem to deal with abusers
In any Psychological Counselling we cannot generalize. The solution has to be found out based on particular situation. And it is true that every issue can be sorted out with a solution. In the case of abuse, it is nothing but part of personality or behaviour. Personality is influenced by psychological, biological and social factors and hence, we call personality is a learned behavior, and whatever a person has learned can either be re-learned or unlearned.
In the case of the victim to maintain self esteem, the victim should understand the psychological, biological and social factors from both the end, of being a victim and from the end of abuser. If the Boss or a Relative is abusing, find out the cause for his or her outrage. One reason can be, that the person is not educated, i.e., not knowing what he or she does, or it can be that they are brought-up in such a way influenced by psycho-bio-social factors or it can be the pressure created by others or can be some sort of illness. As a victim, once I understand the abuser, find out what makes me a victim of abuse. Whether I do not remain assertive due to lack of communication skills - like using questions of what, where, when, how and with whom - to know exactly what other person mean to say or what they expect me to do. Or do I have to get trained in coping skills, so that I can fulfil my responsibility in a better way and if required I can undergo the training to enhance my skills. Or find out if I have to learn time management or share responsibilities, or it can be simply that I have to voice my concern, that is to speak out rather than suffering within, so that the other person understands my concerns better.
The ways of dealing with anger, depression and fears
To deal with anger, fear and depression, I should understand that any emotion that I express is not there just because of current situation. It is a repeated pattern of expression that I have been expressing throughout my life at various situations since my childhood days. So, to deal with any particular emotion, I should know about, or write down, my complete life history and identify the various situations of my life that made me to experience this particular emotion or anger. Then I have to find out the psychological, biological and social factors that made me to experience that particular emotion repeatedly from my childhood days. Once knowing them, find out what is that inner strength or ability that I was lacking to deal with that particular emotion. Then work on to develop that quality within myself.Meditation - Practicing silence of mind by relaxing the physical body- helps to overcome any type of depression, fear and anger by strengthening our mind and will-power.
Belief in abilities and self-love to get rid of effects of emotional abuse
The effects of abuse can be overcome by knowing that personality is nothing but a learned behavior, and whenever we want we can change our personality with the help of knowledge – understanding of self and others gained by using our logical mind, will power – to maintain the desire for change, acceptance – without any guilt feelings of whatever has happened in the past, patience - giving time for change, hope, determination, love for self and others.
Even if we do not have control over the stressors – person, place,situations - or the abusers, still we can deal with them when we remember ourown inner abilities and strengths, when we have faith in our own self, when weare able to maintain our self respect. To remember this at the time of need,every day morning and evening, practice simple visualization or imagination ofown strengths and abilities that are appreciated by our parents, relatives,friends since our childhood days to till date. The victim can also visualize and see in their mind how they are dealing with their abuser maintaining their self-esteem.
Stop being abused
Instead of dealing with the situation by seeing one as a victim and other as an abuser, focus on the cause and solutions. Instead of reacting by revenge, respond to the situations using the logical sense of mind. The points to remember is:
1. Try to understand using logical mind - understand the abuser and own self.
2. If the abuser is not really an abuser but has real reason, try to make him or her understand, and if required, try to improve the self.
3. If you find, the abuser is really an abuser, for his/her own reasons like illness or when you feel out of your control, speak out being assertive or act finding a new job, complaining to police, complaining to mental hospital or move away from the abuser.
4. Forgive the abuser by understanding and remove the victim attitude from the self, learn from the past to begin a better future by adding coping abilities to the self.