Have you ever looked at some people and wondered where do they get their confidence from?

No matter where they go, what they do, they are just so sure of themselves. Anything they say, feels like it makes total sense!

And then we wonder, what the hell happened to our confidence? Why do we get nervous when facing a new situation or when interacting with new people?

Someone recently asked me how to work on their nervousness.

Firstly, how we feel in a given situation, is a result of many factors.

When it comes to feeling low in confidence or feeling nervous, it involves the following - 

1.How we feel about authority : It primarily determines the outcomes we end up imagining in our heads. If we are scared of authority figures(beyond what we think we can handle), we end up imagining the  worst case scenarios in our minds. This in turn scares us more.

 2. The 'what if' scenario :Instead of focusing on what can go right, we keep thinking about 'what if we mess up', 'what if something wrong happens'. Thus, ensuring that we do mess up. 

3.How we feel about ourselves: This is the most crucial aspect in any situation, any given day. If we feel we have the relevant knowledge and skills, even we are afraid of authority, we can still program ourselves to give our best in any situation. Many times, we are ill-prepared to deal with a situation or a person and that ends up fueling the above stated factors as well.

 4.Lack of knowledge and skills:As mentioned above, we may be emotionally stable and capable. But if don't have the relevant skills and knowledge, it is enough to send our emotions in a tizzy.

5.Focus on feeling nervous : Even though we know how nervous we get and what we end up doing in a situation;we still keep dwelling on it.It serves no purpose and instead,becomes a justification for our behavior.

Therefore, like many other things even confidence and nervousness can be dealt with. We just need to be a little mindful of a certain things.

1. There is no authority bigger than our own conscience : Yes, there are people, who we find are difficult to deal with. Yes we all carry our own emotional baggage.But all of this ceases to matter, the day we decide to run our lives out of awareness and strategy;rather than fear. If there is fear, there are also ways to overcome it. 

2. Change the 'what if' scenario: If we have to imagine the possible outcomes of any given situation, why not start with the positive ones? 'What if the meeting goes well? What if, he/she likes my work? What if I get a chance? Thinking about positive outcomes, is more likely to help us prepare better. 

3. Build knowledge and skills: No authority can take away your knowledge and skills. The more you learn and update yourself, the more capable you become,of dealing with new and unexpected things.

 4.Work on how you feel about yourself : Think of how you want yourself to be - how would you dress, what would you do, how would things be different if you felt differently about yourself. And like I said, allow your mind to work towards that achievable goal.

5.Focus on being calm : Yes,it takes time.It's not that easy.But,it's not that difficult also.Once,you are aware of how you behave when you're nervous;ask yourself "What can I do to stay calm?".It's a good idea to engage in some deep breathing or to sip water before you enter into that big meeting or meet that person.It's not enough.However,it's a start!And you'll notice that after a few days or weeks,your mind will be able to help you to stay calm and work through your nervousness.

All states are transient. Nothing lasts forever. But, everything takes effort. If you're willing to go the extra mile, then victory will definitely be yours. There may not be a big one to start with; may be plenty of small ones.