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How to increase self esteem n confidence
I was in a toxic relationship with a man my age during my UG. He always made me feel dumb and stupid. Being constantly exposed to such negativity destroyed my self-esteem and confidence. I took a gap year to focus on myself after I broke up with him and I didn't know what to pursue further. My UG cgpa is 7.01, low, as I didn't focus on studies because of mental health issues. I have become 10× better now. I wrote competitive exams like Gate, CUET-PG etc., and qualified in 3/5 exams. I got into one of the TIFRs (Tata Institute of Fundamental Research) for Integrated M.Sc-PhD program. I had not prepared for the exam neither did I for the interview. So I think I'm pretty smart, for I have cleared these with very little preparation, considering how good the institute is. But I still cannot believe that I got selected. I've believed that I'm not smart/capable enough so much that I still think that it's a fluke and I've got in purely by luck(Not true ofc). What do I do?
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It sounds like you’re experiencing imposter syndrome where success feels undeserved despite strong evidence of your abilities. Emotional criticism can make these beliefs stay long after the relationship ends
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Keep a record of your achievements and work with a psychologist to strengthen self-worth
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This describes clear signs of imposter syndrome, where internalized self-doubt makes achievements feel like luck. Past emotional manipulation heavily eroded confidence, masking genuine intelligence and highly capable academic potential.
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Consult Dr. Rupali Mohbe at BIRDY ME, located at 208, CENTRAL, Sangath IPL, Motera, Ahmedabad, Gujarat. Visit the BIRDY ME Website to book an online or offline appointment.
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Separate feelings from facts.
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What you're feeling isn't luck talking — it's old wounds talking. That relationship taught you to doubt yourself, and that habit stuck around even after you left it. But look at what you've actually done: GATE, CUET-PG, TIFR — with barely any prep. That's not luck, that's skill.
Next Steps
Talk to a therapist before you join TIFR. It'll help you unlearn this "it's just luck" thinking before the program gets tough and self-doubt gets in the way.
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Your CGPA was from a hard time, not a reflection of who you are now. Trust what you've done recently — that's the real proof.
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It seems to be a post traumatic experience leading to various psychological changes.
It needs to be addressed asap otherwise it may get complicated and can affect your personal and social life.
It can be well treated with counseling sessions and homeopathic medicine effectively and without any side effects.
It needs to be treated in a holistic approach for complete recovery.
The past abusive experiences and flashbacks will not allow you to move ahead smoothly, it needs to be managed with counseling sessions and psychotherapeutic exercises.
You need an expert Psychologist who is a good carrier counselor and homeopathic physician.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years of experience. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance.
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Here's the shorter version:
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First â congratulations. Genuinely. Getting into TIFR for an Integrated M.Sc-PhD programme does not happen by luck. It happens because of ability. And doing it with minimal preparation, while still carrying everything you've been through, makes it even more significant.
But I hear something underneath the achievement â a voice still whispering *"it wasn't really you."* That voice has a name. It's called impostor syndrome, and it almost always has roots in exactly what you described â years of being told by someone who should have known better that you weren't enough.
When someone repeatedly makes us feel stupid and incapable, the mind internalises that narrative. Even when life provides clear evidence to the contrary â a TIFR selection, three competitive exams cleared â the old story feels more familiar than the new truth. That familiarity is not accuracy. It is conditioning.
You are not a fluke. You are someone who survived something painful, rebuilt yourself with courage, and then walked into some of the most competitive examinations in the country and cleared them.
The work now is learning to let your achievements actually land â to receive them as evidence of who you truly are rather than dismissing them as accidents.
Therapy can be a powerful space for exactly this â replacing the borrowed voice of someone who diminished you with your own.
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You've already done the hardest part. Now let's work on believing it. Reach me at :nine one zero eight six one one eight seven seven
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Hi,You have to have belief in your own capabilities.Consult a psychologist for professional help
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The words you repeatedly heard in that relationship seem to have affected your self-belief, even though your achievements clearly show your capability. Qualifying competitive exams and getting selected at TIFR is not luck , it reflects your hard work and potential. With counselling, you can work on rebuilding your self-esteem and overcoming these negative beliefs. You don’t have to carry the impact of that relationship forever.
Rajni Sharma
Psychological Counsellor | 22+ Years of Experience
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Connect with psychologist to discuss inner conflict
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consult
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connect
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Hi, thanks for reaching out. Sometimes the relationship ends, but the person’s voice stays in our head. You were repeatedly made to feel “dumb”, so now even when reality gives you evidence that you’re capable, your brain says “fluke”. That’s not lack of intelligence, that’s damaged self-belief.
Start asking yourself: “If this was purely luck, how did I qualify 3 out of 5 exams?” Don’t wait to feel confident before accepting your achievements. Let the evidence challenge the old story.
Take therapy. You can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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Connect for help
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Ms. Azeeza Syed
Psychologist
3 yrs exp
Hyderabad
What you’re calling a “fluke” is actually a pattern — you’ve just automated dismissing your own wins. I see this a lot with people who’ve been in relationships where someone else controlled the narrative about their worth. The exams didn’t get easier, you did.
Try this: next time the “I got lucky” thought shows up, name one specific thing you did that a lucky person couldn’t have done — like walking into an unprepared interview and still holding your own. That’s not luck, that’s nervous system regulation under pressure.
This kind of self-doubt usually doesn’t move with willpower alone — it moves with the right conversations. Happy to help if you want to talk it through.
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Ms. Pooja Gupta
Psychologist
9 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi,
What you're experiencing is common after a prolonged period of being put down by someone else. Even though your achievementsâqualifying multiple competitive exams and earning admission to a highly selective programâprovide strong evidence of your abilities, your self-image hasn't caught up with the reality. This can resemble imposter syndrome, where success feels undeserved despite objective accomplishments. Try to judge yourself by evidence rather than the critical voice you internalized, keep a record of your achievements and positive feedback, and remind yourself that luck alone doesn't consistently produce results like these. If these self-doubts continue to affect your confidence, working with a therapist can help you rebuild a more accurate and lasting sense of self-worth.
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consult
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seek help
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Ms. Ruhi Jain
Psychologist
2 yrs exp
New Delhi
I’m really glad to hear you’ve come so far despite what you’ve been through. What you’re describing sounds a lot like imposter syndrome, which is common after experiencing prolonged criticism or emotional abuse. A small exercise that may help is to keep an “evidence journal”—each day, write down one achievement and the effort or skill that contributed to it. Over time, this helps your mind challenge old beliefs. Therapy can also help rebuild self-worth and confidence. You’re welcome to book a session with me, Ruhi Jain (Psychologist), or connect with any trusted psychologist near you.
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