It happens to the best of us! We find ourselves completely depressed by someone else’s behavior. It could be anything from someone cutting you off in traffic to your spouse cheating on you or someone ignoring you.
Mild to severe, other people’s actions can turn our world upside down. Most of the things that you get upset about aren’t your issues, for eg: The driver who cut you off? Their driving is not your issue. All you need to worry about is getting safely to your destination. That lazy co-worker who isn’t doing their share of the work? Not your issue. All you need to do is focus on your own good work. Your cheating spouse? Not your issue. Your issue is why you would stay with someone who is cheating on you.
Some tips to help with this:
1. Realize you cannot control other people - They are going to do the incorrect things. You can’t force them to do anything else. You can’t force someone to stop being lazy or lying to you, ignoring or cheating on you. The only person you can control is you. You get to decide how much you’re going to let this person’s behavior impact you. Your worrying, obsessing, venting, etc. has zero impact on them – and it only hurts you.
2. You have two choices – learn to live with the behavior or change your relationship with the person.
3. Examine your role in the behavior - Maybe you are playing a role and not even realizing it.
4. Stop rationalizing others behaviour - It may have absolutely nothing to do with you. This is more often the case. We are all the center of our own universes. Many times we think people are doing things because of us or to us and they aren’t, they are doing what they feel or think its correct. Now if it hurts you or breaks you, that's none of their concern.
5. Don’t inadvertently enable the behavior - Like it is advised by Maya Angelou’s , “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” You don’t think you’re enabling, you think you’re helping. You think they will behave differently this time, that perhaps your love or kindness will change them.
6. Let it go - Think of whoever is hurting you right now. Get worked up – think of how they lied to you, or how they don’t do their share or how selfish they are – whatever it is they are doing, that's hurting you. Assume they will never change. You have to just let it go!
7. Let them go - Some behavior you just can’t let go off. Sometimes there’s not enough good to offset the bad. The best thing to do is may be to let go of the relationship. If you can’t let go of the relationship, can you let go of thinking so much about them? Trust me they aren’t spending so much time thinking about you.
8. Get help - Can’t let it go or them? Talk with a professional counselor – life is too short for all this emotional setback, you need to heal and focus on self improvement.
Focus on being the best and happiest that you can be – that’s where your energy should go. Set the best example you can and spend time and energy on people who lift you higher.