Do you recollect the time you first met your partner many years ago? How did you feel? Were you eager and thrilled to talk? Did you think about him after the meeting? What did you feel like when you first touched his/her hand or kiss for the first time? Did you heart beat increase? Compare this with your present interactions with your partner. How many times do you hold each other’s hands? How much time do you spend talking (Other than arguments)?
I observe so many young couples talking to each other on the phone in their leisure and private time, though I never understood what they could talk about in so much detail. They eventually get married and after some time they come to me with various sex problems. They often tell me that they don’t have time to talk or don’t feel like doing that. It is a proven fact that poor communication is an indication of a poor sex life. WHAT HAS CHANGED?
Such a remarkable change is not accidental. It is due to a change in perception of sexuality over a period of time. Intercourse, orgasm and satisfaction has overshadowed the joys of pleasurable touching, sensual feelings and broad based sexuality.
“Satisfaction” is a mirage, often judged by the peers criteria of what they’re doing in bed. There’s a lot more fear among boys regarding possible failure to satisfy their female partner. Person’s playfulness and enjoyment have been replaced by just touching for a couple of minutes leading to intercourse. Fun and spontaneity has disappeared, replaced by a “rigid goal orientation which pressure the couple to make each sexual encounter a perfect one.” Still worse, now young couples start worrying for conception from each intercourse. “Time Intercourse” for conception as guided by experts have further worsened the situations.
What to do? You need to reorient yourself towards pleasurable, sexual feelings while the emphasis should be on discovering in a relaxed, non-goal oriented manner, the sensual pleasure you can derive from touch or being touched. You need to find out the style of touching, stroking and caressing while feeling comfortable and pleasurable. Don’t make assumptions based on misconceptions, fall into ruts or feel devastated asking for a different type of touching. I shall be writing a few exercises for this purpose in the next bog. These are not guidelines but suggestions.