Have you ever felt like a failure at parenting when your child had a meltdown in public? Or cringed at complaints from your child’s school about his or her aggressive behaviour? You are not alone and you do not have to be embarrassed.
Anger and aggression, though they may seem inappropriate in children, are a normal part of childhood. Children are as susceptible to anger as adults.
However, your child may not understand how to deal with anger and aggression properly. This can result in tantrums and violent behaviour. Telling your child not to get angry is not the solution to this problem.
Children may get aggressive sometimes because they lack the verbal skills needed to get their needs met. A child may hit or bite to express displeasure when a sibling takes a toy out of their hands because he/she does not know how to ask the sibling not to do so.
Children may also behave aggressively because they cannot regulate their emotions, and might show their anger by hitting a parent, for example. Sometimes, children hit or throw a tantrum to be assertive and get their way.
It is possible to calm your child and help him/her respond to a situation in an appropriate manner. Here are 6 tips that could help your child deal with aggressive behaviour.
1. Do not use physical punishment as a form of discipline. Children imitate actions they see at home. While you may hit your child out of frustration when he/she does something wrong, the child may see this as an acceptable form of venting anger.
Thus, hitting your child can indirectly reinforce a child’s aggressive behaviour. Just as you do not expect your child to go about hitting other people, do not hit him/her yourself.
2. Develop a feeling vocabulary. A child’s aggressive behaviour is usually the result of frustration at not being able to explain what he/she may be experiencing. Thus, encourage your child to develop a vocabulary to speak his/her mind.
Teach him/her to use words like angry, frustrated, irritated, and anxious and what each of these emotions feels like. When your child says that he/she is angry, do not ignore their feelings but encourage them to talk it out.
You could also help them find other creative outlets for their feelings, such as drawing and painting.
3. Praise good behaviour. All children seek appreciation. When your child deals with anger in a good way, praise him/her and reinforce the behaviour. This lets your child know that his/her behaviour is being noticed. Tell your child it is ok to be angry as long as it is dealt with in the right way.
It is important for your child to know that he/she does not need to resort to aggressive behaviour to get your attention. Include positive reinforcement for desired behaviour, such as gentle touches, cheering, clapping, or giving a high five.
4. Set firm limits. Children need limits to know what sort of behaviour is acceptable and what is not. These limits should be kept very clear and consistent.
Your child’s teachers and other caregivers should also be made aware of these rules along with the response to be given if your child breaks a rule.
When your child does cross the limits set by you, they should be scolded firmly and immediately so that they understand their mistake. If you let such instances slide casually, your child may feel that it is ok to keep breaking the rules.
5. Let your child cool off. It is of no use to explain what is wrong with what your child has done when they are in a state of anger. Instead, give them time to cool down by telling them to go to their room or sit down someplace.
Once your child has cooled off, explain why his or her behaviour was wrong and discuss ways in which he or she could have dealt with the situation better.
6. Manage your own anger. According to child psychologists, aggressive children are more likely to calm down if their parents exhibit a calm demeanour.
Your child will learn how to manage his/her aggression by observing how you handle your own anger.
Children mimic adults. So if your child observes that conflicts in your home are resolved in a peaceful manner, he/she can develop positive coping skills, like moving away from a frustrating situation or doing something to calm down.
Remember that there is no shame in seeking professional help for your child, and it is not a measure of your parenting success or failure. If your child's behaviour does not improve even after trying all the suggestions, talk to your paediatrician or reach out to a child psychologist.
Disclaimer: This article is written by the Practitioner for informational and educational purposes only. The content presented on this page should not be considered as a substitute for medical expertise. Please "DO NOT SELF-MEDICATE" and seek professional help regarding any health conditions or concerns. Practo will not be responsible for any act or omission arising from the interpretation of the content present on this page.