The quality of relationships that exist between the child and significant people in his/her life determines Child's Self-Esteem.
We humans find it easier to
- recognize negatives easily rather than the positives
- lose no time when we want to criticize somebody, but hold back when it comes to appreciating something even when it is truly deserved.
Children form their life scripts subconsciously by counting the number of positive strokes (appreciation) and negative strokes (criticism) that they receive from their environment. On the basis of whichever outweighs the other, they form an opinion about themselves and decide for life whether they are 'good enough' or 'bad enough’.
What can be done as Parents from our side to foster & enhance self-esteem:
1] Fewer will be the unrealistic expectations from our child, when we are more FULFILLED as a person.
I loved to play guitar but did not have money and time to pursue it. Now at least let my daughter play it and enjoy. I am there to take care of it.
For all of us parents , if we have any unfulfilled desires, let us try to do it for ourselves, if we can't, then accept it and move on. Be present not to impose our desires onto our children.
2] ACCEPT & ACKNOWLEDGE your child's feelings without being JUDGEMENTAL.
Practise Listening for 15 minutes [this would do amid our so called busy schedule] on the whole day share from our child [Listening means shutting off our mobile, TV and MOUTH which starts giving opinions automatically even before our child has started to share their feelings.]
3] Always COMMENT on the BEHAVIOR that is bad or good and NOT on the PERSON!
Mother to Son – you are always a good boy, right now the mobile you throwed down is not ok
What happens in most our homes :
"Why you are getting so angry , why did you throw the mobile, you are studying in 5th std and still you don’t know how to behave, you are behaving like your father [or mother] and it goes on and on…".
Practise MINIMAL COMMUNICATION when trying to correct something & be aware of our use of WORDS
To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself—THICH NHAT HANH