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Relationship obstacles
Hello ,
I'm in a relationship with a guy earlier it appears all fine.Now we are planning to get married and I'm not settled in my career.He said that he loves me but he is not fine with the fact that I'm not non working as it will hurt his prestige among his friends that their wives are working and his wife doesn't.Is it sign of healthy relationship because I'm completely in chaos? Should I continue with me or not because I have fear that In future if we were together he will always compare me with his friends wives and it will make me feel more inferior.
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Such questions often require a deep understanding of dynamics and things that work and don't work for a couple.
It is best to take help of a professional to figure things out
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consult a clinical/ counselling psychologist to sort things out
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Thank you for sharing something so personal. I can understand why you're feeling confused—this is an important decision, and your concerns are valid.
From what you've shared, the issue isn't just about whether you're working or not. It's also about how your partner views and values you. It's okay for someone to have preferences about finances or career, but if the main concern is prestige or comparison with others, it's worth having an open conversation before marriage.
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Ask yourself: Do I feel accepted for who I am, or do I feel pressured to meet someone else's expectations? A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, support, and understanding—not on comparisons or fear of feeling "less than."
Before making any decision, have an honest discussion about your career goals, expectations after marriage, and how both of you plan to support each other's growth. If these conversations leave you feeling unheard or constantly judged, it's important to take those feelings seriously.
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Trust your instincts. You deserve a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and emotionally safe—not one where you're constantly worried about being compared to others.
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Hey,
I have expertise in working with relationship concerns. From what you’ve shared, it would be important to observe whether he is primarily concerned about his own image and prestige or if he genuinely wants to support you in building your career.
Forming an opinion based on one aspect alone may not give the complete picture. It would be helpful to understand his behaviour across different situations and parameters before drawing any conclusions.
If you feel comfortable, you can connect with me, and we can explore this further together.
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Hello. It makes sense that you're feeling confused, especially when you're making such an important life decision.
From what you've shared, the concern is not just about whether you're currently working, but also about the reason your partner is giving. If his concern is primarily about how your career affects his image or prestige, rather than understanding your circumstances and supporting your growth, it's worth having an open conversation about your shared values, expectations, and what each of you wants from marriage.
Ask yourself:
* Does he support and encourage your career journey, even if you're not yet settled?
* Does he value you for who you are, or is he focused on comparisons with others?
* Are both of you able to discuss differences respectfully and arrive at mutual understanding?
A healthy relationship is built on respect, emotional support, and acceptance—not on comparisons or societal expectations. Before making a decision about marriage, consider having an honest discussion with him about your concerns. If these conversations continue to leave you feeling anxious or unheard, premarital counseling can help both of you explore your expectations and determine whether you're compatible for the long term.
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Take your time with this decision. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and it's important that you feel respected, valued, and emotionally secure in the relationship.
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It is understandable that you are feeling confused. Wanting your partner to support your career goals is different from feeling valued only because of your job. If his main concern is how others will judge him, it is important to discuss whether his expectations come from social pressure or shared values. Before marriage, both partners should feel respected for who they are, not compared with others.
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Have an open conversation about career expectations, financial roles, and how each of you views marriage. If you continue to feel anxious or unsure about the relationship, consulting a psychologist can help you make a well-informed decision. You may consult me for professional guidance and support.
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It's understandable that you're feeling confused. Your concern is not just about getting a job—it's about whether your partner values you as a person or your employment status. His statement that your not working would affect his prestige among friends is worth exploring because it suggests that social comparison may be influencing his expectations.
This does not automatically mean the relationship is unhealthy, but it does indicate that you both need an honest conversation about your values, expectations, finances, career goals, and what marriage means to each of you
Next Steps
Before making a decision, discuss questions such as:
If I take time to build my career, will you support me?
Is your concern about financial stability or about what others will think?
If I face career setbacks in the future, how would you respond?
What are your expectations from your spouse after marriage?
His answers and willingness to understand your perspective will tell you much more than the statement itself.
Health Tips
Avoid making a decision based only on fear or assumptions. At the same time, don't ignore a pattern of comparison if it continues. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, emotional support, and shared values, not on prestige or comparisons with others. If these concerns remain unresolved, premarital counselling can help both of you clarify expectations and make an informed decision about marriage.
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Hi,
This is a major red flag and a sign of an unhealthy dynamic.
If his primary concern about your career is how it affects his "prestige" among his friends, he is viewing you as a status symbol rather than a life partner. Your fear of future comparisons and feeling inferior is completely valid; marriage will not fix this mindset, and it is highly likely the comparison will continue. A healthy relationship is built on mutual support and emotional security, not social vanity.
Do not rush into marriage. Pause the wedding plans to address this directly, as you deserve a partner who values your worth independently of what his friends think.
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Consult
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seek help
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Kindly reach out for sessions
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A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, not comparison or social prestige. Have an open conversation before making a decision.
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Have an honest conversation with your partner about why your employment is important to him.
Discuss your own career goals and timeline for becoming financially independent.
Observe whether he respects your choices or pressures you based on others' opinions.
Consider premarital counselling to explore expectations and compatibility before making a lifelong commitment.
Health Tips
Do not make a decision based only on this one issue, but do not ignore it either. Pay attention to whether comparison with others is a recurring pattern. Choose a relationship where you feel respected, accepted, and emotionally safe, rather than one where your worth depends on meeting someone else's expectations.
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This query reflects deep anxiety about a partner prioritizing external prestige over mutual respect. A healthy relationship requires unconditional acceptance; conditional affection based on employment status often stems from misaligned values and control dynamics. This comparison can severely erode self-esteem, leading to long-term emotional distress and feelings of inferiority.
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You can navigate these difficult relationship obstacles with professional guidance. Consider scheduling an online or in-person session with Dr. Rupali Mohbe at Birdy Me.
Location: 208, Central by Sangath IPL, Motera, Ahmedabad, Gujarat.
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Connect with psychologist to discuss in detail
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Hi, thank you for sharing your concern.
It sounds like you are feeling confused, hurt, and worried about your future. When someone you love expresses concerns about your career based on what others might think, it is natural to question how this could affect the relationship in the long term.
Before making any decision, try to have an open and honest conversation with your partner
A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, emotional support, acceptance, and open communication—not only on meeting societal expectations. It is important that both partners feel valued for who they are, not compared with others.
Since you are already concerned about future comparisons, discussing these expectations before marriage is important. The goal is not to decide immediately whether to continue or end the relationship, but to understand whether your values, expectations, and vision for marriage are compatible.
If these conversations remain difficult or leave you feeling uncertain, consider seeking premarital counselling together. It can help both of you explore expectations, communication styles, career goals, and future plans in a safe and structured way.
Dr Namita Ranjan
Counselling Psychologist
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Hi, Consult a psychologist
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You need carrier and pre marital counseling sessions to overcome the confusion.
You need an expert counseling psychologist asap.
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I have been working as a Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years of experience. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance
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Hi
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independent identity to be retained whole life no matter what comes in along your path
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Take time
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Hi, thanks for reaching out.
Wanting a working partner is a personal preference. But if his concern is mainly prestige or comparison with his friends’ wives, it could become a pattern that affects your self-esteem. Before marriage, have an honest conversation and see if he supports your growth or makes you feel less than.
One suggestion: Pay attention to how you feel after talking to him supported or inferior. That answer is often very telling.
If you want to take online therapy sessions, connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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Dr. Avishesh Jha
Psychologist
8 yrs exp
Tumkur
Marriage is one of biggest decision of life, you need to understand his fillings for you and even your own priorities.
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I'm expert in family and marital counselling I can be a help .
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you can contact me through online consultation.
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Ms. Navyashree S M
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Mysore
1st you would think and after you move.
You I'll discuss with psychologist and find out the result your self.
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Ms. Archana Singhal
Mental Health Counselor
5 yrs exp
Delhi
The concern here isn’t whether you’re working or not…it’s what his statement represents.
Ask yourself this: Does he want you to work because it aligns with your growth and aspirations, or because he’s worried about how your marriage will look to others? The answer matters.
Relationships thrive when partners make each other feel secure, respected, and accepted…not when they feel evaluated against someone else’s standards. If comparison is already becoming part of the conversation before marriage, it’s important to explore whether this is an isolated concern or a recurring pattern.
Before deciding, have an honest conversation about your values, expectations, and what each of you defines as a successful marriage. Don’t just assess compatibility in love…assess compatibility in values. If this conversation leaves you feeling unheard or “not enough,” I would strongly recommend premarital counselling before taking the next step.
The right partner should inspire your growth, not make your worth dependent on comparison.
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Ms. Poornima Waghmare
Mental Health Counselor
23 yrs exp
Mumbai
Hi..I can undetstand your present situation..It's completely normal to feel confused & hurt.This is not a sign of a hralthy relationship
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Ms. Pooja Bhargava
Psychologist
10 yrs exp
Delhi
His preference for a working partner is one thing but feeling valued regardless of your career status is equally important. Before moving forward have an open conversation about these concerns to understand whether you feel respected and emotionally secure
Next Steps
Premarital counselling may help both of you understand whether your values are compatible
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Ms. Azeeza Syed
Psychologist
3 yrs exp
Hyderabad
Hi,
What you’re feeling isn’t chaos — it’s clarity trying to surface. A partner tying his pride to your paycheck, and using other men’s wives as the yardstick, isn’t about your career. It’s about control dressed up as concern.
You’re not “not settled.” You’re human, mid-journey. And you deserve someone who sees that as a phase, not a flaw.
Next Steps
Before any wedding talk, have one honest conversation: is this about timeline, or about him needing you smaller than his friends’ wives? His answer will tell you everything.
Health Tips
Don’t rush this decision under pressure of a wedding date. A relationship that makes you feel “inferior” now will only get heavier after marriage, not lighter.
If you’d like to talk this through in more depth, feel free to book a session with me — sometimes it helps to untangle this with someone in your corner.
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Ms. Simran Shah
Counselling Psychologist
7 yrs exp
Pune
Hello,
It is important to share the needs and expectations of yourself before marriage. As unmet needs can lead to disturbance in marriage. Understanding how you feel about that person considering this marriage is a long term commitment. Ask yourself do you mentally and emotionally be safe with him? Keeping your self esteem integrated is important to not to lose yourself. If you need further assistance for yourself, try to consult a psychologist
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If you both want to find a way out, consider a couple/Relationship counselling as well
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