We all have issues in life which we want to resolve and feel happy and light again. What matters here is knowing how to skillfully deal with the problem rather than building up fears and anxiety around it.
Here are the two basic but extremely effective tactics to use to solve the issue before we let it take a larger form.
1. Write the issue down
We tend to worry about issue nonstop, even before sleeping. We want to get out of the situation but we don’t know how. We even tend to worry about it a bit too much and out of helplessness, not knowing what to do, go into these vicious circles where it gets a little tough to come out of. We often tend to push painful emotions away, because we don’t want to be in that situation, it hurts! We want to push it away as hard as possible and as soon as possible.
But just wait! Take a step back and get to know what exactly you are worrying about. What is going on in the first place? You might first start from a very superficial level. Ex- I just broke up with my boyfriend. But try to do some free flow writing about the issue. Here are a few questions to help you start looking at the issue at a deeper level.
- What is going on
- How are you feeling about it
- What hurt you the most
- Why do you think all this happening? Where do you think it all started from?
- Which need of yours was being satisfied that has been cut off now? Example: A grill who has recently experienced a break up says: What truly scares me about my break up is that I am scared to be independent; I need someone constantly supporting me.
- How much were you truly responsible for what has happened and how much were others and other environmental factors contributing to the issue.
These are just few questions to get you started to explore the issue. Write whatever you feel like and whatever comes to your mind. Free flow writing about the issue will automatically lead you into different and interesting areas which you might not have even explored before. Try not being resistant to the idea of writing and approach it with a curious attitude.
Now that you have a better understanding about the issue, where it is probably coming from, what you should probably look at to resolve it, and also now that you feel less burdened, since it is all out on those papers, it is time to brainstorm the solution!
Remember here that every pain or suffering is temporary. There is always a way to make it better.
Pick up on the cues your mind has given you about how to resolve the issue or at least which areas to focus on, while writing down your issue. Write down the probable options you have to resolve your issue. For example- A worked up business man realizes that he Is experiencing a burn out since he has stopped gyming. He realized this while addressing the question, where did it all start from. Now he realizes that gyming was extremely crucial to de-stress and resolves to make time for it again.
Reflecting on what worked for you earlier, or what helped you feel better earlier, would give you great insights into what you should probably do now.
The girl who broke up realizes that her main need was to have some constant support. Upon brainstorming if there were other ways this need can be fulfilled, she has realized that she has great friends and a lovely sister whom she can talk to, she also sees it as an opportunity to grow herself into a strong independent women.
3. Utilizing your resources to the fullest
When you brainstorm alternatives of what you should probably do, you will see that they lead you to very interesting resources. It is practically impossible to solve an issue if we don’t have enough information and the right resources. Few of the easily available but unbelievably effective resources which have a large impact WHEN IMPLEMENTED are listed below, in case they haven’t struck you till now. These are such simple resources we often tend to overlook or underestimate.
- Parents- Just spending some time around them might make a huge difference to the way you are feeling. They are almost readily available for us, but we tend to just ignore it and choose to get locked away in our rooms and go on a ride again with our negative emotions. Instead just step towards them!
- Friends- We are scared of looking vulnerable if we share our problems with our friends. We also tend to disguise the problem or give bits and pieces of it, because we feel telling what exactly is going on might make us look really vulnerable. All these could just be our assumptions. If these friends are close, exposing the vulnerable you, could even get you closer, and you can take a sigh of relief to finally put it out of you.
- Hobbies- Often people say, if my situation is better only then I can go and do what I like! It doesn’t quite work that way. Hobbies help you de-stress by channeling your negative energy and replenishing you with positive energy, they empower you to face the issue. This is what is going to save you big time! Simple things like watering the plants, sketching what is going on in your head or something creative, just coloring, prove to be great ways to help yourself feel better.
- Social communities- It is great to be out there with like-minded people, or with people who might be experiencing the same thing as you. Just push yourself with that one first step and you just might be sorted!
- Don’t be afraid to seek out for help- Everyone faces issues, everyone does! But a proactive person is the one who will be able to pull him/herself out of it and feel good and confident again. Prolonging things might make the pain turn into suffering. Seek help from a psychologist/ counselor when you need it. It is a great space to explore yourself and be mentally fit.
These are just few of the resources mentioned here. Now when you grab your pen and paper I am sure you will come up with a great list! Figure out which resources work for you and keep your resource box ready to rescue you!