When I am brushing my teeth, with slightest awareness of the scratchy material wandering around the nukes and corners of the cave of my mouth, amidst the sea of foam; only wish I have is to rush back to the comfort of cozy bed and continue with the world of warriors and ferries. “Sonu, aren’t you finished with your bath yet, you are going to be late for school again”, mum’s shrill voice is like this final ‘Go’ in the running race, it has that alarming effect. I hope for the umpteenth time for a miracle that should delay the school bus, which appears unfailingly at our doorstep, somewhat sooner today..!!
While I am entering the classroom, I am still struggling to wipe off those final traces of sleep, save the rhythmic voice of my class teacher. I try to keep my eyes and ears open, when they go on filling me in with different subjects; thinking all the time about that wonderful hour when I get to play. Once in a while my attention is captured by a story or a joke or a sudden question. Yesterday, someone asked me about my favourite subject. “Of course English, there is no doubt about it. I like it when mam tells all those stories. She has never hesitated to explain again, when I did not understand something. How does she know that I haven’t understood in first place? She must be the nicest person in this whole world.” Then comes the next question. “Sonu, why do you think you are studying?”; “Ahh, don’t I know; to become a great person; rich and famous”. He was also curious on what all these subjects I am studying are about.? I really have no clue; I guess they are taught so that I can write exams. Finally he asked me what do I like most about school. Of course, it is the time when I get to mingle and play. Many a times i think that i would have loved school & learning a lot, if they wouldn’t have thought about exams.
Why exams..?? The mention of exams freaks me and my parents together, alike. Dad tells me that I need to be ahead of crowd and ace the exams if I am to become a great person and make my mark in society. May be then I need not get up soon or go to school and get to play all the time. Mom also tells me that it is not enough to be good but also to be ahead of others. I guess the school is about competition and to conquer everyone around. But I like it more when I am playing with others. I even enjoy me falling in the attempt to make a goal. I love it when we hold hands and laugh together. I like the game the same irrespective of our team winning or losing and want to play it desperately the next time. May be rest of the life is not like these games. May be it’s supposed to be dry like most of the classes, homework & exams.
Sometimes I wonder why I enjoy the games so much and not so with the rest of the day. May be the games I play are much simpler than what I am learning at school, or maybe not and just appear so because I perceive and understand in my own way; the whole of the game but not most of the subjects, I am supposed to learn. Games engage me , interest me and also teach me to respect rest of the players & their role however rest of my life wants me to become superior, to be the best with a forced and artificial engagement in subjects, I am learning. I enjoy the inter dependence on other players in the game but rest of my life does not reflect it to me in any way. Just like games I play, I have the capacity to learn anything and everything in this world if I get to look at them just like another game.
Many a times I want to converse with my world, and tell you all; how thankful I am to you, for loving me and directing me the way you do. You use your will & reasoning to help me engage with life, so that I develop my own will & reasoning. I can't imagine what I would be without your direction & disciplining. I might not realise now, however whatever I am is mostly because of you. Would you do a little more for me and lead me in my own path.? Would you be patient with me and understand my perception & reasoning; so that you may help me grow from where I am. End of the day, isn't my competition with myself & none other in the quest to evolve..?
I wish to conquer my Insecurities & Embrace Life rather than to embrace the insecurities & Conquer Life. Would you be my ally in this grand endeavour?