The worst kind of ache is a heart ache! Most have undergone this torture. Rejection by a loved one is so difficult to bear. The duration of the relationship matters but not always. Nursing the wound of break up is one hell of a challenge!!!Shweta* was dumped by her boyfriend of 3 years. She found him getting close with another friend and when she confronted him, he blamed her and told her she was dominating and controlling. He wanted space. He stopped answering her calls, blocked her from social media and refused to meet her. Very soon she realised that he is dating the same friend. She got wild. She had a huge showdown with him in public and accused him of cheating. He told her they had broken up and what he does is not her business anymore. Shweta was heart broken. She started feeling depressed. She would cry easily and hardly eat. One day she decided to hurt herself. Was she responsible for driving her boyfriend away? She consumed phenyl and was brought to the emergency room. She suffered the pain and burning in the throat for months. She was treated for her medical condition and depression. Later she realised, it was not worth it. She had tortured herself unnecessarily. Varun* wanted to marry Priya only. He had been with her since 7 years and knew she was the one. But just before the engagement she decided to break it off! She said that he deserved someone better and she wanted to be single for more time. Her parents also tried to convince her but she was adamant. Varun felt lonely and took to drinking heavily. He also met with a drunken driving accident. He came for counselling when he could take it no more and he was removed from work as he reported there dunk. Many folks get shattered after a break up. They just don't seem to move on. Let us try and analyse why this happens!Man is a social animal. Desire to love and be loved is universal. However many people have a constant need of having a partner. They cannot imagine being alone. Hence they choose out of necessity and not chemistry and compatibility. No wonder they soon get bored or regretful. The bitterness soon ends the relationship and then starts the quest to find another lover!! Till they do that they are are very uneasy. Some folks totally isolate themselves from their friend circle when they find a lover. As if the purpose of living life is achieved! They don't mingle with their old friends and become totally dependent on their love. This puts additional burden on the lover to keep the person happy. Too much of familiarity breeds contempt and they don't know what to do. If there is a break up they are suddenly very lonely. There are no friends also to lean on. Such persons become very desperate and find it difficult to move on. Some are temperamentally sensitive and when they have a break up they tend to introspect too much. They also feel more guilty than others and also spend lot of time thinking on what went wrong. They torture themselves and become miserable. All said and done. Break up is not easy especially for the person who got dumped!! Sometimes it may be mutually agreed upon break up but still getting adjusted to new situation takes time. Here are some tips to overcome break up
.1 Understand and validate your feelings It's ok to feel sad. It's ok to feel miserable. Break up is almost like death of a loved one. At first it's difficult to accept. Then there is depression and acceptance. Slowly time heals the wound.
2. Keep yourself busy. Idle mind is a devils workshop. There is no need to dissect what went wrong, why it went wrong. Instead one should engage in activities such that it keeps the negative thoughts miles away.
3. Exercise. It helps to improve endorphins- the feel good hormones and also keep you fit. Exercise improves mood and helps to get life back on track soon
. 4. Don't stalk your X. This is the biggest mistake many people do. They call they message keep checking the status of their x lovers on social media. Basically they become more invested in the dead relationship. It spells disaster. The other person may block and unfriend them which will result in another blow to self esteem. It's better that you completely cut off from that person for atleast 6 months if not forever.
5. Burn the gifts. It sounds crazy but keeping any reminders of your X will make life even more difficult. Instead it's better to keep away, donate or destroy articles given by your old flame. Out of sight is out of mind!
6. Don't dissect the dead. And don't allow friends and well wishers to do that either. It's over and you don't want to talk of things past. Make it clear to people who want to discuss about what happened.
7. Relocate if you have to. Sometimes love happens in place around where you work or stay. When you move apart it hurts to see the person everyday. If the person is getting close to others or appearing happy it hurts more. Best is to keep the lost object away from your vision to help you forget.
8. Seek professional help. Don't be shy to seek professional help from a psychiatrist if things are getting out of hand. If you feel that you are depressed for long, feeling like dying, not able to eat or sleep it's wise to let a professional help.
- Last but not the least, don't be miserable. You deserve to be happy. You must be hopeful. Life will definitely give you another chance at love. Be patient and be nice to people around you. Try to focus on your work and family. Keep your friends happy. Buy something nice for yourself. Indulge in some comfort food. Exercise and keep fit. Go for a short holiday if you can. Time will heal this wound. Give time some time