Good communication is key to dividing childcare duties. Now that you have a child, it's even more important for the two of you to talk about the changes you're going through, and how to make your new roles as parents work. Here are some things you can consider so that you both can work as a team.
Assess the situation One part of the problem may be in the way you're describing your husband's role at home.Mums often complain that their husbands don't "help". This implies that the woman has defined the work of child-rearing and housework as her role. Anything her husband does is "helping" her perform her role. "Helping" is not really the same as sharing responsibility. Before you had your baby, how did you share responsibility and work with your husband? Did you have a maid to handle the housework or did each of you "own" certain tasks and do others together? Was one person's work outside the home seen as more demanding, important or lucrative than the other's? Did this affect how you shared housework and other tasks such as grocery shopping, paying the bills or home maintenance tasks? Did one person take care of the other more? It really helps to think about these questions so you can assess your situation more accurately.
Share your concerns As you talk, think about how you want to spend your time. Most couples can handle the demands of a busy work life, a relationship and a little housework. They may occasionally get overburdened and stressed out, but they survive. What happens when a busy couple also tries to take care of a baby who needs to be fed, changed, rocked and soothed for eight to 10 hours a day by parents who never sleep more than three hours at a stretch? Many couples find that they need to sit down and talk about the differences between their lives before and after parenthood, and to help one another understand that each has probably had to give up a lot of time that they used to take for granted.
Getting your husband’s help to take care of your baby can not only lessen your burden but also help create a bond between your baby and her father. Your husband’s help becomes all the more essential if you stay in a nuclear setup and don't have the right household help.
Get support from other family members If you're in confinement, it's possible that your mother or your husband's mother may be caring for you and your baby during the first 40 days after birth. This often means that a new dad may not get the opportunity to spend enough time with his baby. He may also feel unsure of what to do especially when there are elders around. Besides, if you live in a joint family, chances are there will always be someone to lend a helping hand. Also, many new dads stay away from baby care tasks simply because they have been brought up to think that men don’t need to change diapers, bathe their baby or help out with feeding. Work together and find a solution so that your husband can also get a chance to be part of the day-to-day caring of your child. If your mother-in-law massages your baby, you and your husband can bathe your little one. Or maybe your husband can help out by burping your baby or with some part of the bedtime routine.
Let your husband take care of your baby Some fathers get involved in the care of their babies from the very beginning. They feel comfortable holding and soothing their babies and enjoy playing with them. Although some men naturally take on this active role, it is particularly common for couples who live in nuclear families or those who don’t have any help during the initial days. Men whose wives have had a caesarean birth also tend to be more involved in the baby's care over time when their wife is recovering from major surgery. The dads start feeling necessary and competent and they stay that way. However others may take time to learn how to adjust to their new role. They may look to you for guidance. That's not to say that you get a caesarean to elicit your husband's help -- just let him know you need him. Talk to your husband about your concerns and involve him in caring for your baby. Don't try to play Supermum!
Give your husband the time to perfect his newly acquired parenting skills Many fathers who are just learning about babies are so sensitive to suggestions or criticism that they give up. You'll need to be aware of this and be willing to give up a little control. Of course, except for not being able to breastfeed, your husband can do everything it takes to care for a baby just as well as you can, especially if he gets some practice. What's hard for some couples is that the practice time will inevitably involve their baby crying or seeming discontented. Given time, your husband will figure out his own way of comforting his little one. (He could read 10 Dad-tested ways of soothing a crying baby for some inspiration). If you really want your husband to be involved in caring for his offspring, leave the room or the house while the two of them work out their own relationship. Even if you're breastfeeding, you can feed the baby, hand him to your husband and go out for a walk. You'll come back refreshed, and dad and baby will have had a chance to bond.
Spend time enjoying each other's company The early months of parenthood are probably making you feel as though you never have enough time to do anything. Even so, try as hard as you can to make time to talk to your husband regularly. Some couples take an evening walk together while their baby sleeps in a pram or sling. Other couples leave their baby with their in-laws or other family members so that they can go out alone. Talk about ways you have changed and need to keep changing. As any veteran parent will tell you, this is just the beginning of a new life. If you can keep the lines of communication open and figure out ways to work together as a team, your lives will become more manageable as the years go by.