We all are born virtually as an empty machine which is practically programmed by God/Nature only with the survival and growth instincts. This is so normal with every Animal. The programming done by nature never develops faults as it is aligned with universal principles of survival and growth. As we grow we learn many more things and write many programmes which are known as programmes for meeting performance/ achievements in social world. Since this programming is not done by God/ Nature, it is highly susceptible to faults and traumas. The subject of Human Brain Programming/conditioning is a huge one in itself and is not dealt in this article. Keeping the chosen topic insight, we will restrict our learning to only few key factors to help the families with the ultimate objective of helping children.
Role Modelling is Natural: One of the most important aspect of learning is by role modelling. This is again a gift in most of the developed animals. We all learn everything from our elders. It is our natural tendency to watch people and start copying many of their actions/habits. Going by this, the first to make impressions in any child’s life is parents/ caretakers. If we look deeply within own self, then we will realise that most of us are still living under the huge impact created by our Parents (Positive & Negative- both included).
The child consciously & curiously observes every action and behaviour of Parents/care-takers under various situations. Parents are the very first teachers in child’s life, hence it is imperative for them to understand that the child is very keenly observing them and is copying them to either live like them or to meet their expectations to the best of his/her own capability.
The process of role modelling continues till our death and whenever someone walks in our life with a very impressive personality or attributes, then we automatically tend to copy their traits almost unknowingly. The change in our behaviour can be easily seen by a keen observer. If we observe closely then we can see our children copying habits of Parents/friends/relatives whom they like a lot and are heavily impressed.
My years of experience and experiments in the field of healing “in practice” have confirmed following:
- In those children where the influence of parents had been very strong and positive, the scope of child getting influenced by friends were very less
- In those children where parents had very less personal and emotional connect or had negative influence, the environment i.e. friends, relatives and media played a major role in shaping their behaviour.
I see the above understanding as very positive inputs for parents to learn and use favourably. Parents can use it to their advantage and for the benefit of their children. The good news is that many parents are aware of this fact and are consciously working on it and enjoying positive developments in their children.
Some of the forces/ environmental factors impacting learning:
1. Internal Forces: The internal forces are those forces which are working within the child. This varies from one child to another. To understand these forces, you may need the help of a professional for detailed in person discussions. The professional help becomes more important as many children don’t open up to the parents.
2. Fitness: Both types of fitness i.e. Mental and Physical are equally important. I have seen fitness making a huge impact in child’s capability to go through the rigours of studies and other important childhood activities. If the child is falling sick quite often then naturally,the health starts inducing stress and gradually child slips in performance (academic or in any other field of endeavour) and eventually loses confidence. Inculcating right food and exercise habits can go a long way in recovery and sustaining good health.
- Poor Eating Habits: Malnutrition is enemy to learning and same goes with over eating. Over eating can turn into the most difficult habit to control. Controlled healthy eating habits are a must for healthy brain development. So watch and guide children. In the houses where parents follow good eating habits, the children can be taught with lesser difficulties. Powerful self-management tools are available to help children tide over their negative habits.
- Anger & Irritation: More and more children are brought to me with complaints from parents that the child is showing bouts of anger and irritation. Uncontrolled anger or irritation can be quite damaging hence child should be immediately given professional support to understand the science of Anger and Possible Consequences. While we are providing professional healing to the child, enough happiness through kindness and friendship at home is a must to accelerate healing. People at home should be available for the child to vent out any type of frustration in the initial phase itself. No outlet to express negative experiences and lack of support can really be counter-productive and damaging. The Mantra is “Happy child BURNS less within, and DELIVERS more”. Anger is not genetic as common belief is, but is actually a learnt behaviour. Powerful psychological tools are available to help children/adults tide over this crisis based on case to case.
2. External Forces: This area is a real challenge for both Parents and the child alike. Powerful emotional bonding and great relationship between family members at home can go a long way in helping the child to get healed when bruised with rough realities of life. Many times behaviour changes in parents are the first requirement even before we initiate sustainable desired changes in the child.
- Relationship at Home: Relationships play a great role in mental well-being of children. If the relationships within family and with outsiders are rocking then the mental development takes place to its full potential. The relationship of child with family members are as important as the relationships between the family members. Family is more impacting on child’s psychology when compared to relationship with outsiders. A child who is happy child with the family is generally able to maintain a balanced relationship with outsiders and is also able to come out of emotional traumas more effectively.
- Place of study: It is important that the place of study be kept clutter and odour free. Inculcating everyday housekeeping habit in children from early stage of life is a must and it surely increases grasping power without distractions. A great percentage of disorders like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a result of children not actively taking part in family chores or living mentally isolated. I am working a lot and developing various tools to help people suffering with OCD and Schizophrenia.
- Noise Pollution: The place of study should be like a place of worship/meditation. To add positivity to the environment a very calming soft instrumental music can be used. This has shown great positive impact in improving learning ability/concentration. Instrumental music should not be of Movie Songs. My deep analysis of students of all ages have shown a great negative impact of Movie Songs on emotions/concentration while studying. These are normally distractions to many children hence children from very early age should be guided to use positive instrumental music only. No meditation centre uses Movie Songs and this alone explains the negative and provoking impact of movie songs on human brain.
- Too many visitors: The child while studying should be isolated from avoidable disturbances caused due to visitors. The visitors normally tend to start conversations which are not adding any value. The child gets attracted since many a times they are just interesting conversations for child. After the guests have gone, the child keeps thinking for long hours about their interesting conversations and thus is unable to concentrate. Maintaining discipline in this area by parents can be a real boon to the child in the long run.
- Performance Pressure: Expectations are expressed in such a rash language by the elders that the child is impacted negatively and gets demotivated. If the language used by elders are positive/encouraging, then only it works or else the child starts rebelling within own self, which finally lowers the concentration and performance ability. A good mentor in every child’s life is a must.
- Nature walking with Children: It has been observed that going out with children in open natural quiet places has great positive outcomes. Some of them are given below:
a. It builds up the bond between family members and also creates time for children to connect with parents and amongst siblings. This allows them to express themselves freely.
b. During the walk parents can share their life experience and by this way slowly and steadily huge knowledge can be transferred to children. Usually parents start giving their Gyan/Bhashan/Lecture only after they notice unacceptable behaviour in their children. The children instantaneously reject these lectures. This is easily avoidable if the process of conversation is kept alive from day one.
- Comparing: None of us can be compared in any sense with anyone else. Unfortunately from one generation to next the art of comparison is passed on without realizing that “Comparison is derogatory to human brains and emotional health”. It is never received in a positive sense by the person being compared. A very conscious effort on “NOT TO COMPARE” can be a big blessing for the mental health of children. There are powerful tools available to help parents develop the positive quality of encouraging their children without comparison. Unfortunately many teachers also unknowingly hurt students’ mental health by comparing them.
3. The Nature’s Principle on “Rewards & Punishments”: If one can understand the principles of Mother Nature on Rewards and Punishment and apply them in family life then most of the problems may not even arise in the first place, and if at all they arise then they can be resolved in a happy way without breaking the bonds or relationships. The Mother Nature conveys to us that “I will neither give you reward nor I will punish instantaneously, you on your occasional good work or few omissions and commissions. If you do mistakes then I will give you time to rectify by guiding you, nurturing you and by giving you enough opportunities to make amends and if you still don’t take corrective actions then only I will punish you, perhaps even very severely. Similarly, I will not reward you for your one act of goodness or right action. To get rewards you need to perform the act persistently for a considerable period of time”.
We in family do real crime while implementing system of Rewards and Punishments. We instantly punish wrong acts of our children and when it comes to rewards, we delay and sometimes we never reward them in spite of our given promises.
All changes/transformations that are aligned with Nature’s Principles go a long way in achieving positive results without breaking bonds in relationships.
I feel blessed when everyday an average of 5 families who had walked in with distress are able to leave my healing center with great energy and determination to achieve their desired goals of happiness and performance. I salute those parents who seek help for themselves or their children well before it is too late.
See the below Video on Parenting in Hindi.
Mental Health is deteriorating very rapidly. Keeping problems to own self or hiding within family, under the illusion that one day all will be fine can be highly risky and damaging. I am convinced that time has again come when every family should have a dedicated Guru/Mentor/Guide and Healer. The rat race of earning and acquiring materialistic things are rapidly eroding our mental health and relationships.
To conclude, majority of the problems in children and adults can be solved by seeking humble proactive help from a good professional who can bring insights and also help in healing using very powerful tools.