We all know that there are a lot of emotions that we experience in our lives. I will be discussing 6 emotions today in the article and how you can get freedom from these emotions?
1). Fear: In recent times people are mostly scared of coronavirus. What do you think? Animesh came to me last month with the complaints of extreme fear and nervousness. He asked me for help as he is not able to do his daily activity. On asking questions, he told me that recently, one of his office colleagues, nearly his age, lost his life due to coronavirus. After hearing this he is feeling extremely fearful and anxious. He said, “I am most afraid of Corona”. It makes me uncomfortable to think about Corona” My hands shiver when I think about Corona”. I am afraid of losing my life because of Corona”. When I watch news and stories about Corona on social media, I become scared or anxious”. I cannot sleep because I’m worrying about getting Corona”. My heart races when I think about getting Corona”.
Animesh asked me can you tell me what fear is? I replied fear is a natural, powerful, and primitive human emotion. It involves a universal biochemical response as well as an individual emotional response. Fear alerts us to the presence of danger or the threat of harm, whether that danger is physical or psychological. When we are in danger, body responds in either “fight or flight”, which means your body prepares itself to either fight or run away from the danger. When I was discussing the symptoms with Animesh, he enquired, can you also explain what are the symptoms of fear? I explained to him that the common symptoms of fear are:
Chest pain
Feeling cold
Dry mouth
Nausea
Rapid heartbeat
Shortness of breath
Sweating
Trembling
Upset stomach
In addition to the physical symptoms of fear, people may experience psychological symptoms of being overwhelmed, upset, feeling out of control, or a sense of impending death.
Have you experienced any of these symptoms? Here is a FEAR QUIZ: Find out yourself how fearful you are?
Ask yourself: Do I typically expect the worst in situations? Do fearful thoughts keep me awake at night? Am I afraid to speak up or go for what I want? Am I afraid I won't meet my own or another's expectations? Do other people's fears feel contagious? Is it hard to control myself when I'm afraid? Do I tend to think negatively about the future? Answering yes to seven or eight questions indicates an extremely high level of fear. Five or six yeses indicate a high level. Three or four yeses indicate a moderate level. One or two yeses indicate a low level. Zero yeses suggest that you don't have any fear. Animesh wanted to get rid of his fear and that was the reason for his consulting me.
Now, I will be sharing with you the tool that helped Animesh to transform his fear. I told him the only way you can transform your fear is through building courage. LET'S UNDERSTAND HOW YOU DO THAT?
Step 1: What was the fear of Animesh that he will get affected by Coronavirus and may die. So the first step is identification of your fear.
Step 2: I told Animesh “as your fear increases, observe how it intuitively feels in your solar plexus, the emotional center, and elsewhere in the body. Are you feeling tense? Nauseatic? Is your stomach aching, as if it's been punched? Is your throat constricted? Do you have a tight band around your head? Does your fear have a color? Temperature? Texture?” Notice all sensations in this area and in your entire body to map the energy of fear.
Step 3: Then make a courageous decision to shift fear. This requires a change of thinking and behavior. Now, instead of fearing that I will get Corona, try to think differently.
Step 4: Set a positive intention, such as, “My chance of getting Corona is less as I am working from home”.
Step 5:Then observe how your body reacts. Notice ways courage feels different from fear. Do you have a release of tension or discomfort in your stomach? Newfound strength? An excitement that surges? Also, observe sensations in your heart center in the midchest. Some describe it as a window opening. Or perhaps you feel robustness? Tingles? Heat? Comfort? Let yourself explore the different sensations of courage and be emotionally involved in it. Get a clear idea how the energy of courage feels.
Step 6: Take courageous action to shift fear. Make the action you choose simple and doable. For instance, “take necessary precautions whenever you are going out and get vaccinated as early as possible”.
Step 7: Staying optimistic despite fear is a brave turnabout that shifts energy from the solar plexus to the heart. This uplifting feeling and other positive ones you noted in step 2 let you know you're moving in the right direction. So this was Animesh’s story and he eventually came out of his fear.
2) Frustration: You all must have been at some point frustrated with your job, partner, future and life. Frustration is a feeling of agitation and intolerance triggered when your needs aren't met. The frustration we experience can be seen as the result of two types of goal blockage, i.e. internal and external sources of frustration. Internal sources of frustration usually involve the disappointment that comes when we cannot have what we want as a result of personal real or imagined deficiencies such as a lack of confidence or fear of social situations. Another type of internal frustration results when a person has competing goals that interfere with one another. The second type of frustration results from external causes that involve conditions outside the person such as physical roadblocks we encounter in life including other people and things that get in the way of our goals.
One of the biggest sources of frustration in today's world is the frustration caused by the perception of wasting time. When you're standing in line at a bank, or in traffic, or on the phone, watching your day go by when you have got so much to do, that's one big frustration. External frustration may be unavoidable. We can try to do something about it, like finding a different route if we are stuck in traffic, or choosing a different restaurant if our first choice is closed, but sometimes there is just nothing we can do about it. It is just the way life is. Our goal in dealing with external sources of frustration is to recognize the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer..."God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." One can learn that while the situation itself may be upsetting and frustrating, you do not have to be frustrated. Accepting life is one of the secrets of avoiding frustration.
To find out whether a person is frustrated or not one can ask the following questions: Am I often frustrated and irritable? Do I typically respond to frustration by snapping at or blaming others? Do I self-medicate letdowns with junk food, drugs, or alcohol? Do my reactions hurt other people's feelings? When the frustration has passed, do I usually feel misunderstood? During a hard day at work, do I tend to lose my cool? When I'm disappointed, do I often feel unworthy or like giving up? If the answer is “yes” you have to understand my friend you are frustrated and disappointed. If this happens what can you do to get rid of this emotion? Let us see.
COMMON FRUSTRATION : YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT
To live gracefully in life, try to accept that sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you don't.
STEPS TO TAKE CHARGE OF A FRUSTRATING SITUATION
Use humor. Laughter is a quick way to break the spell of frustration and become more patient with what it is. Emotionally, laughter raises your spirits, softens defenses, and spreads positive vibes. My patient Mukul, an acting coach and jokester, was stuck in a long supermarket line. He was in a rush, but the pace was slow. The checker dropped a carton of milk, which spilled on the floor and required a lengthy cleanup; and thereafter one woman forgot her credit card. Mukul thought, “I've had enough of this.”, He told, “Hey everyone, listen up! Take a deep breath and focus!” “At first they just stared at me,” Mukul said. “Then they all began laughing. I must have sounded absurd. I was shocked by my outburst!” But afterward, the line started moving faster. Like Mukul, use laughter to counter frustration.
Focus on the positive. Changing your attitude changes your emotion. In any situation, there's always something positive if you look for it. I was reading an article about a priest who challenged his group of people who met for worship and religious instruction to stop expressing their frustrations for three weeks. A good-natured, beloved leader, he was fed up with the complaints, including about the choice of worship music, their spouses, and their kids’ behavior. He urged them to look at the bright side, not to always complain. Though only 18 of 250 members succeeded for the entire time (three weeks was asking a lot), everyone started thinking more positively, which uplifted the entire group’s energy. As a policy for living, place your attention on what's working, not on what's frustrating or disappointing. With practice, you can train your thinking to do this.
Go with the flow. When there's no escape from frustration, don't fight it. The more you resist the flow, the unhappier you'll feel. Accept that, temporarily, you're meant to be there. Relax into it. Practice patience with the circumstances and yourself instead of simply feeling like a restless horse in a stall. Also, stay open to discovering surprises and unexpected connections. Try to feel the perfection of even this moment. This action step builds patience by thinking and behaviorally trying to deal with frustration.
Small exercise to experience the grace of Patience
Declare today a holiday from being frustrated with yourself or others, a special time to bathe in patience and compassion. If you're frustrated or disappointed, take the pressure off. Say sweet words only, “I've done my best, it'll be alright.” Treat yourself like a precious child who's earning self-nurturing. Don’t turn a frustrating moment into a frustrating day.
3) LONELINESS, BUILDING CONNECTION
My patient Mahek, thirty-two and an IT professional, came to me because she'd been lonely for as long as she could recall. She loved her work. She had several close friends, but was not married, though she wanted to. She had relationships lasting a year or two, but each ended. One man was found to be cheating on her. Another wasn't ready to commit. Still, like many people, she believed that meeting the right mate would cure her loneliness. She was shy and could not build connections with people very easily.
There is a loneliness quiz for all of you: You can quickly try answering these questions to find out are you lonely? Do I feel on the outside looking in? Do I feel invisible or excluded? Do I hunger for friendships or close family to open up to? Is it painful to be alone? Do I spend more time on the Internet than with people? Do I feel that no one understands me? Am I missing a nourishing sense of spirituality? Am I out of contact with my intuition and my heart's desires? Is it hard to ask for emotional support? Do I feel easily rejected in social situations?
Let's come back to Mahek’s story. I explained to her the biology of loneliness: What happens when you are lonely and what happens when you are with close people
Engage Your Mirror Neurons: The brain is no fool when it comes to emotions. It reacts to the effects of both loneliness and nurturing. An advance in neuroscience is the identification of mirror neurons, distinct brain cells that register emotional interchanges. If you're with a friend in pain, these neurons trigger the pain centers in your brain. Same with compassion or other emotions. For better or worse, humans resonate on a feeling level, which may impact their emotional type, particularly if they're empaths. Activate Oxytocin, the foundation of Friendship: Friendships can be miraculously healing. Like many of us, I turn to friends when I'm lonely—people I can speak my truth to, no matter how untidy it is, and not be judged. Through thick and thin, friends have come to my emotional rescue and I've come to theirs. The time they take to listen, to share support, leaves me comforted and brings me back to myself. Scientists have established that this emotional effect has a biological base: friendships boost the hormone oxytocin, a cure for loneliness. Mahek told me that nobody wants to be lonely. It is a very bad feeling. How can I get out of my loneliness? So I gave her the following tips.
BUILD NURTURING CONNECTIONS: FIVE CURES FOR LONELINESS Use these strategies to prevent and reverse loneliness.
Cure 1: Make a relationship wish list. To build connections with people, ask yourself, “What qualities are most important to me?” Then list them in a diary. For instance: Is it the ability to let you speak your truth without judging you? A sense of humor? Being loving, kind? Clarifying your priorities helps you hold the vision of what you need. I don't want you to simply go and start socializing and hope for the best. I want you to specially visualize and pursue others with desirable traits.
Cure 2: Practice reaching out: look for similarities in people, not differences. I suggested this cure to Mahek. She asked me “how can I build connections with people?” I told her, “when you're lonely, it may feel hard to reach out, but here's a tip that will make it easier. A key to connecting is to focus on what you have in common with others, not on what you don't. You can find this especially useful at social gatherings, where you would end up in a corner feeling lonely, just talking to the friend you came with.” She said “Since I'm basically shy, I find it hard to break the ice with new people. I don't want to intrude where I don't belong.” Then I told her “such thinking only fosters loneliness and paints an unfriendly world. Instead, try to interact with people having common interests and likings. Then, you will feel more in common with people, You can smile and say hi rather than stay in a corner”.
Cure 3: Connect with yourself; take time for solitude. Solving loneliness involves connecting to yourself as well as others. That's why it's vital to find your own right rhythm of involvement and solitude. Periodically step away from phones, paperwork, and small talk to seek inner stillness. As you'll see, solitude and loneliness can be very different. Tell yourself, “I am with someone wonderful. I am with myself!” Whether walking in a forest or meditating, keep sensing your own beauty. This is your inner self, and you're excellent company. If you regularly tune in to who you really are from the inside, you'll never be alone.
Cure 4: Consult your dreams. When you're lonely, ask a dream for a solution. Before you go to sleep, pose a question. Then in the morning record your dream in a journal. Look for the answer. Try this every night for a week. For instance, one of my patients asked, “How can I be less lonely?” She dreamed: It's the dead of winter. I'm in a cozy house with a warm fire and friends. There is a dangerous snowstorm outside. I leave everyone to drive miles in the storm, braving empty roads alone. I don't ask anyone to accompany me on this lonely, frightening trip. The message my patient took away was that emotional support was available (the warmth of friends) if only she'd ask. She didn't have to be brave alone . Like many independent people, she invited loneliness, not realizing it was self harming. This dream's guidance showed her how to change, and she listened. Similarly, you can also learn from your dreams.
Cure 5: Acknowledge your current connections. It's important to realize the value of the nurturing bonds you've already made, though they may not always be with people. For instance, your love of nature, animals, or music and your cozy home all speak to your intimate capacity for connection. Mahek continued the treatment for 3 months after which she felt much better. She was able to make new friends and will now be getting married next month.
4) FACING ANXIETY AND WORRY, BUILDING INNER CALM
What is anxiety? It is exactly the emotion which you feel every time you are standing outside your boss’s room after receiving an angry call from him. Anxiety is a feeling of fear, dread, worry and uneasiness.
Common signs and symptoms include:
Feeling nervous, restless or tense
Having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom
Having an increased heart rate
Breathing rapidly (hyperventilation)
Sweating
Trembling
Feeling weak or tired
Trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than the present worry
Having trouble sleeping
Experiencing gastrointestinal (GI) problems
Having difficulty controlling worry
Having the urge to avoid things that trigger anxiety
Have you experienced these symptoms? I think in this Covid situation we have all somewhat had these symptoms. What do you say?
Let us now try to understand what happens in our brain when we are anxious or worrying. Anxiety is linked to a deficiency in three main neurotransmitters, chemicals that enhance communication between brain cells. They are: Gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA). This neurotransmitter is a natural tranquilizer that slows down brain signals and keeps you calm. People with panic disorders may have abnormally low levels. Dopamine. This neurotransmitter blocks pain and is linked to the brain's pleasure centers and feelings of enjoyment. Serotonin. This neurotransmitter is a mood regulator for anxiety, anger, and depression. Without enough it's harder to self-soothe. There is an easy technique to increase serotonin. Chocolate increases serotonin. We don’t want to feel anxious and want to calm ourselves down. How do we do that? Any ideas? There are a lot of techniques. I will be talking about the following technique which you can do now to feel calmness inside.
1. Meditate to calm yourself. “Please sit comfortably on your chair or where you are sitting. Close your eyes and start doing deep breathing. Slowly you take a breath in and slowly you breathe out. Count 1-2-3-4-5 in your mind. Try to imagine that you are on a seashore facing the sea. You are standing barefoot on the sands. Sometimes the waves of the sea are touching your feets. You can see the sun rays falling on the water and it is glittering. You are amidst nature and enjoying the atmosphere. When you feel comfortable you can slowly come back and open your eyes”.
5) DEPRESSION
What is depression? We were listening to Deepika Padukone’s story, so we understand a little bit about depression now. Right? How many of you could actually identify yourself with her story? You can show your hands. We all have low periods, but depression is a persistent sense of feeling down, pessimistic, and self-critical. Compared to sadness, which you may also feel when depressed (though sadness often stands alone and is more transient), intense depression has profound physical effects. You may have disturbed sleep, difficulty concentration, no sex drive, fatigue, heightened sensitivity to pain, or a hopelessness that can make life seem not worth living. During a major depression, sadness clings to you, in contrast to passing sadness about a painful event. In this state, even a rose can seem to have no beauty. Sometimes it may be hard to get yourself moving out of your bed in the morning. If ever depression happens to us, how we can make ourselves better emotionally.
Listen attentively so that you can help yourself or others you are in depression. First, ask yourself: “Is the feeling mine or someone else's?” It could be both. If the depression is yours, gently confront what's causing it on your own or with professional help. If not, try to find out the source. For instance, if you've just watched a comedy, yet you came home from the movie theater feeling blue, you may have incorporated the depression of the people sitting beside you; in close proximity. The same is true with going to a mall or packed concert. When possible, distance yourself from the suspected source. Move at least twenty feet away; see if you feel relief. For a few minutes, center yourself by concentrating on your breath. This connects you to your essence. Keep exhaling depression and inhaling calm. Visualize depression as a gray fog lifting from your body, and hope as golden light entering. This can yield quick results.
Shift the energy. Depression frequently lodges in your emotional center at the solar plexus. Place your palm on your solar plexus as you keep sending loving-kindness to that area to push depression out. For long-standing depression, use this method daily to strengthen this center. It's comforting and builds a sense of safety and optimism.
Look for hopeful people and situations. Call a friend who sees the good in others. Spend time with a colleague who arms the bright side of things. Listen to hopeful people. Hear the faith they have in themselves and others. Also relish hopeful words, songs, and art forms. Hope is contagious; it will lift your mood.
6) ANGER
Anger (from the Latin angere, “to strangle”) can be defined as a strong sense of displeasure and antagonism that arises when a need isn't met or an expectation isn't fulfilled. What commonly gets us angry? Being treated unfairly, manipulatively, or with disrespect, especially if it's intentional. Anger can arise from a range of situations. It results from everyday irritants: your children’s messy room, your boss’s loud voice. Anger can also have more serious provocations: your spouse has an affair, a friend goes after your job. Or, beyond the personal, it can issues such as racism or pollution. Or you can be angry at God for whatever seems unfair, from poor health to being alone. Depending on the circumstances, anger may range from getting mildly expressed to violent outburst. Anger is a normal emotion. We all experience anger at some time throughout the day. But if it becomes very frequent or severe, we have to learn to control our anger.
Here is an ANGER QUIZ for you: Find out how angry you are? When I'm hurt, do I want to hurt the other person? Do little things make me mad? Am I frequently irritable, bossy, or argumentative? Is my anger hard to control? Do I say things during a convict that I regret later? Do I make judgmental or cutting remarks? Does my anger hurt loved ones? Do I hold onto resentments? Do I lose my temper in traffic jams or lines? Answering yes to between seven and nine questions indicates a high level of anger, far more than is good for you or anybody else. Four to six yeses indicate a moderate level, something to work on. One to three yeses indicate a minimal level. Zero yeses indicate you're in a peaceful zone.
Let us hear another story of an individual named Akash. After the death of his father when he was fourteen, Akash was angry by this “senseless, irreparable loss.” He viewed the world as unfair. His response was to carry an attitude of “Who cares? I'll get mine.” He was involved in fraudulent activity and became an alcoholic. He went to prison, but it only increased his rage at the world. He came out of the jail after his term of punishment was over. He continued doing antisocial activities and once again landed behind bars, where this time his life changed. He started attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. There he met Harman, a social worker, who helped him and other inmates get sober. When Akash was released from prison, he started working for a NGO where with loudspeakers and spotlights he used to chase gang members. He also started working for the people who are suffering from alcohol addiction. He subsequently married, though many people didn't think it could last. Twenty years later, their marriage is strong and they are now running their own organisation where they help people transform their lives.
Here are some EVERYDAY TIPS TO DEFUSE ANGER AND NURTURE COMPASSION
1. When you're upset, pause and slowly count to ten. To offset the adrenaline surge of anger, train yourself not to lash back impulsively. No matter how bad someone is, wait before you speak. Take a few deep breaths and very slowly, silently, count to ten. To relax, tell yourself, “Calm is beautiful.” Telling such words gives you command of the interaction and helps you from having an angry reaction.
2. Take a cooling-off period. To further quiet your neurotransmitters, take a longer time-out, hours or more. After you are in an angry situation, go to a calm setting to lower your stress level. Reduce external stimulation. Dim the lights. Listen to soothing music. Meditate. Do some aerobic exercise or yoga to expel anger from your system and wind down. The first scientific study on anger, conducted in 1899, and many since then have documented the importance of a cooling-off period to calm yourself before thinking of the anger's cause.