Adolescence/Teenage is a period when children are in the process of transitioning from childhood to adulthood. This stage can be an especially tricky time for parents. While teenagers require space and freedom to develop an independent mindset, at the same time, they also require appropriate parental guidance so that their values, character strengths and everyday routine can take a positive, holistic route of development.
Establishing healthy communication is the basis for such a development to take place that supports their mental wellbeing and social and emotional learning. Here, we share a few pointers that might help you have some meaningful ‘Conversations With Your Growing Teenager’:
- Check-In With Your Teen: With the rise in use of digital devices, active conversations in family have come down to a significant extent. It is not just teenagers who may be hooked on to the devices, but even adults find it difficult to resist the urge of the attention-hungry applications. Thus, with the advent of the hyper-digital age combined with hectic work schedules, a necessary ‘check-in with your teen’ is often ignored. To establish a healthy parent-teenager bond, it is very important to have frequent ‘check-in’ sessions, where you encourage them to share their thoughts, how their day went, and what they have been upto. A good way to have a check-in may be to invite your teenager to join you in for a task. For instance, they can assist you in making a dish, while catching up on the much required conversation.
- Validate Their Thoughts: While the check-in sessions are important, how we talk to our teenagers during that session is also a thought to be considered. When your teenagers are sharing their concerns (be it around examinations, peer difficulty, or any stressor they may be facing), attempt to acknowledge and understand their emotions. When they open up to you, you can respond with “I understand”, “it sounds like a difficult situation” or “that makes sense”. Avoid using dismissive statements like ‘We had it tougher in our age’; ‘Why should you feel stressed?’. Such statements discourage the teenagers to come to you in times they need your support. While encouraging responses make them feel heard and supported.
- Yes to Disciplining, But Yes to Praising Too!: It is natural as well as necessary for parents to guide their teenagers at different points in their life. However, parents might also give a thought to ensure if there is a healthy balance between discipline, instructions, and praise. If we’re always noticing and pointing out the things that the teenagers are NOT doing well – ‘You are not good in studies’; ‘You left your room messy, it is likely to create a bitter dynamic. Therefore, as much as disciplining is important; praising and appreciating the things that they ARE doing well is equally important, if not more. Take a minute to think of things that your teenager may be good at. Perhaps they assist you in household chores, or perhaps they are good at listening to you, or perhaps they are skilled at a hobby. Talk about these things often. When guiding them, try to use instances from actual life, but refrain from comparing them with other kids. This would create a basis for a healthy dynamic to develop.
Every stage of life brings with it a set of challenges unique to that stage. Every individual looks forward to support and encouragement. The same goes for our teenagers. Sailing through this period of metamorphosis, they require Check-Ins, Validation, Empathy and Guidance.
Conversations with Your Growing Teenager isn’t a one time act, it is a journey that a parent and teen walk through each day!