A lot of our life problems stem from not knowing how to build boundaries with people and mostly we end up doing things according to them just because we cannot say 'NO'. So eventually when we put people before ourselves it results in the death of self care and self love. As children we are always taught to respect our parents, relatives, friends, teachers and other authoritative figures and are also taught not to go against them. Therefore, we obey them out of:
1. Fear of being punished.
2. To please them because they are important figures in our lives and by doing this we dive into the feeling of being accepted by the society.
You can make your own choices in life and still respect the authority figures, because respect never means complying to the things you don't want to do. Stop being a YES person forever, so here's a practical advice to help you SAY NO without coming across negatively :
1. SHIFT YOUR MINDSET
You will need to get over the mental barrier that saying No is wrong. You cannot and do not have to feel guilty about it. It really is OK to say no. Once you have truly accepted this and have come in terms with this then you are ready for the next step.
2. START-OFF POSITIVELY
Be positive in your initial response. If you use positive language, the other person will immediately relax and will be more receptive to what you are offering to say. So, you need to ease them gently. You can rephrase your statements by saying something like : "I really want to help you out..'' or "You have got a lot to do, I hope I can help.."
3. GIVE YOURSELF TIME
Do not blurt out YES. Be disciplined. Give yourself some time to think. Say,: "I would like to help you" (positive initial comment) 'but I need a couple of minutes to think about it, I will come back to you. Where will you be?" So, it's always better to have a 'default response like this to use whenever someone asks you to do something that you can sense will later hijack you from your own priorities.