People's opinions can affect us so much, whether it is a negative opinion or a positive one. An employee who has completed his target gets applauded and appreciated. He gets motivated and wants to achieve the world. Yet if the same employee fails to complete his target, he is judged as a failure by his boss, fellow mates, and himself. Would he ever be able to perform better now? He is under constant fear of being judged as a failure, he doubts himself in whatever he does. He feels stressed about talking to his colleagues, he doesn't try anything new unless he takes it as a challenge to prove himself. Why are we so scared of what people think? Why do their opinions matter to us? Why do we start believing in thoughts that might not be true about ourselves?
Most of the people, the large population in this world, worry about what other people think about them. We feel insecure around others, the feeling of incapability haunts us, constantly doubting ourselves, unable to express our emotions or thoughts, create a good girl/boy act, and the most dangerous of all we create a shield- to protect ourselves, to make us feel better about ourselves- we start pinpointing faults in others, judge other people. That is the vicious circle of judgments!!
This is something that I have experienced, I too, was scared of "what people would think about me." No doubt, It has been ingrained in my childhood, by my parents, especially when they wanted me to put on a good girl show in front of the guests. I was told to behave properly so that my parents don't get judged or nobody should point out their parenting skills. So it bothered me as to what people would think of me if I behaved out of normal in public. I thought it was okay to think "what other people think." It is normal in the society. I too made opinions about other people. I might not be loud about them, but I did throw my opinions about others to my friends. I often judged people based on their looks, and their actions, we laughed at them, made faces, and stopped talking to them because of various baseless assumptions that we created in our minds. Until one day it all ricocheted. It all came to my face. The ugliness of false assumptions hit me. Strangers were commenting on my life and it did affect me. I, like any other person in this world, wanted to get rid of these judgments.
Since I studied psychology, the very first rule said- to listen to the subject without making your judgments, or else your treatment will be painted by your biased opinion. I decided to drop making perceptions. They are all humans with emotions and thoughts and they have all the right to live their lives without this barrier of "what will people think". There are no right/ wrong emotions or right/wrong thoughts. I genuinely started listening to whatever they had to say. It was a constant conscious effort, but it had to be done. I wanted to create a safe environment for people, and surprisingly, I made better friends, people trusted me with their secrets. As for I was concerned, the opinions that other people had of me, never mattered anymore. Sure people would have opinions about me but the thought "What would he/she think about me" never occurred to me. I tasted freedom. I was vulnerable to people, I felt free to express my emotions, and my thoughts, and my actions were no more under blankets. I analyzed people's actions based on their situation, rather than labeling the person.
"The day we understand ourselves, what others think- won't matter anymore." We all have to understand that people react/ act constantly based on their situations. It is unfair to voice your assumptions/opinions based on people's actions. These are actions of an individual. We cannot make it a characteristic of their personality. The day we make conscious efforts to stop judging the world around us, the world will stop making judgments on us. The Fear will go away. This world will be a better place.