By – Ms. Shruthi Balaji Babar

(Psychologist , The Mind Care, Chennai) 

Therapists hear this fairly often.

Someone calls asking for the earliest possible appointment.

“I really need to talk to someone.”

“Is there anything today?”

“Tomorrow morning?”

There isn't an immediate slot. A day later, when the clinic follows up:

“No, it's okay now. I think I'm better.”

And sometimes, they genuinely are.

The difficult moment passed. They slept. They spoke to someone. They cried. They went for a walk. They finally said what had been bothering them. Something changed, and the intensity came down. 

Something helped. That's good.

But when the same thing keeps happening, another question becomes worth asking.

What happened between “I can't handle this” and “I'm fine”?

When distress peaks, our thinking becomes very immediate.

I need to talk to someone.

I can't keep doing this.

I need help now.

Then the intensity comes down, and suddenly the earlier urgency can seem almost unreasonable.

Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I can handle it myself. It wasn't that serious.

That doesn't mean the earlier distress was fake. 

Our perception of a problem can change with our emotional state. When we are overwhelmed, we think from inside the overwhelm. When it passes, we evaluate it from outside it. 

Both versions of us are real.

Maybe you found a way to get through it.

And that's worth recognising.

You distracted yourself. Reached out to someone. Slept. Exercised. Cried. Finally said what you had been holding in. Went back to your routine. Told yourself, “Enough. I'm not thinking about this anymore.”

Whatever worked, you got yourself through that moment. 

But coping and resolving are not always the same thing.

A coping strategy can reduce distress without changing what keeps producing it. 

And that is where the pattern becomes important.

If the same feeling keeps bringing you back to the same door…

Maybe the question isn't:

“Why did I cancel therapy?”

Maybe it is:

“Why did I keep reaching the point where I wanted therapy in the first place?”

If every few weeks you reach a point where you desperately want help, feel better, and carry on until the next difficult episode, there may be something underneath those episodes that hasn't really been addressed.

The same relationship conflict.

The same difficulty saying no.

The same loneliness.

The same overthinking.

The same exhaustion.

The same pattern of holding everything together until suddenly you can't.

The relief is real. But so is the recurrence.

You don't have to be falling apart to deserve help.

Perhaps this is where many people wait too long.

They imagine therapy is for when things become unbearable. So they seek help at 10/10 distress, feel better by 5/10, and decide they no longer need it.

But therapy doesn't have to begin at the peak.

Sometimes the more useful time to look at something is when you're calm enough to ask:

Why does this keep happening to me?

Not because something is necessarily “wrong” with you. Not because every difficult day requires therapy. And certainly not because feeling better means you should have booked an appointment.

Simply because repeated distress is information.

If you keep finding yourself thinking, “I really need help,” followed by “Actually, I'm fine,” don't judge either version.

Get curious about the gap between them.

What happens before the crisis?

What helps you come down?

What keeps bringing the feeling back?

And when you feel better, are you actually better or simply back to your usual level of coping?

Sometimes getting through the difficult day is exactly what you needed.

Sometimes it is also the clue that there is something worth understanding before the next difficult day arrives.