As board exams in India come to a close and results draw nearer, families tend to be set on a career path for their child from an early age, towards being a doctor, engineer or lawyer among other prominent and socially prestigious professions.While it is normal for parents to be stressed about their childrens’ performance, it is important to support them rather than policing them.
According to research by The Pew Research Center (America), Asian parents are known to be a lot more competitive than their western counterparts. Parents’ behaviour can be categorised by experts on the basis of their demands and expectations from children and the response they show towards them. According to this four kinds of parental behaviours are seen – Authoritative, Authoritarian, Indulgent and Neglectful. Majority of the young Indian parents tend to fall into the authoritarian or some in the indulgent categories. So does this mean that Indian parents are too pushy? Often parents will try to avoid self-doubt and guilt by justifying pressure tactics. We want to believe we do the right thing as parents. The question is do coerced children achieve more than those brought up with leniency? No. Infact these kids are likely to have problems developing relationships with others as well as their own self-image.While there is much to be said for setting high expectations and stressing on the importance of success, at the same time we need to encourage independent thinking and questioning. This approach takes more time but in the long run, children become less defiant, and more resilient as young adults when as parents we can no longer motivate or instill discipline in them.
Give children autonomy in making decisions for themselves, so that they bounce back from stress and disappointment. The pressure in our society is built on the child to perform and excel because there aren’t enough opportunities for everyone. In a developing economy like India we cannot always expect a child to outperform because of the sheer volume of competition. Your child might not have the results that they hoped for or needed to pursue their future plans. They may also be unsure about what to do next. It helps to be prepared with plan B options. If you are aware that they worked hard reassure them that there will be several other instances where they will excel. Children who are considered unsuccessful end up isolating themselves from their extended families and relatives. Not only do they feel like failures, they consider themselves like “the black sheep of their families.”It is important for parents who tend to use less praise in parenting, popularly called as tough love, to show affection and support for their children. They need to validate this in instances apart from academic and professional success.