In many families, it's not uncommon for parents to have a favorite child. You might notice that one child receives more attention and affection than the others. While some parents do this without realizing it, it's essential to understand that this kind of parental favoritism can actually hurt the other children in the family. Let's delve into this topic to better understand its effects.

What is Parental Favoritism?

Parental favoritism happens when parents consistently show more affection and attention to one child compared to their siblings. This can mean spending more time with that child, being less strict with them, and giving them more privileges.

The Negative Effects of Favoritism

Let's look at some common ways that favoritism can harm children:

  1. Emotional Impact: When parents favor one child, the other children can feel left out and unloved. Imagine if your parents always praised and talked about your sibling's accomplishments while ignoring yours. This can make you feel sad, rejected, and a feeling that you're not good enough.
  2. Talent Suppression: If one child is always the favorite, their achievements might be the only ones celebrated. The other children's talents and accomplishments could be overlooked. Think about a situation where one sibling's sports victories are celebrated loudly, but the artistic achievements of another sibling are barely acknowledged. This can make the second sibling feel like their talents don't matter.
  3. Stress and Self-Esteem: Children who aren't favored might feel stressed and have lower self-esteem. Picture feeling like you're always in your sibling's shadow and that your parents don't care as much about you. This can lead to feeling anxious and not very good about yourself.
  4. Sibling Rivalry: Favoritism can also create fights between siblings. If one child always gets more attention, the others might feel jealous and start competing for their parents' love. Think about a situation where one sibling gets more gifts on their birthday, causing arguments and hurt feelings among the other siblings.
  5. Spoiled Behavior: Interestingly, even the favorite child can be affected negatively. If they always get their way and never face consequences, they might become spoiled and entitled. Picture a sibling who always gets what they want, leading them to act selfishly and disrespectfully because they're used to getting special treatment.

The study

A study conducted by researchers J. Jill Suitor, Jori Sechrist, and Mari Plikuhn at Purdue University explored how the perception of favoritism by mothers impacts sibling relationships during midlife. The research involved gathering data from 708 adult children within 274 families from the Within-Family Differences Study (1). The study's results revealed that, regardless of which sibling was favored, the perception of favoritism both in the present and as remembered from childhood led to reduced closeness between siblings. Particularly, memories of maternal favoritism during childhood had a stronger influence on predicting tension among adult siblings than the perception of current favoritism, regardless of age (2).

These findings provide clear evidence that mothers' favoritism, as seen during adulthood and recollected from childhood, significantly influences the quality of sibling relationships in later life (3).

It's important to remember that not all cases of unequal treatment are intentional favoritism. Sometimes, parents might not even realize they're doing it. However, it's crucial to treat all children fairly and ensure they each feel loved and valued. Encouraging a strong bond between siblings and helping them develop their individual strengths can minimize the negative effects of favoritism. If the situation feels overwhelming, seeking help from a family therapist can provide guidance for creating a healthier family dynamic.

Disclaimer: The content (video/text) presented on this page should not be considered as a substitute for medical expertise. Please "DO NOT SELF-MEDICATE" and seek professional help regarding any health conditions or concerns. Practo will not be responsible for any act or omission arising from the interpretation of the content present on this page.

References

  1. Suitor, J.J. et al. (2009) ‘The role of perceived maternal favoritism in sibling relations in midlife’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 71(4), pp. 1026–1038. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2009.00650.x. 

  2. Adler A. In: The individual psychology of Alfred Adler. Ansbacher HL, Ansbacher RR, editors. New York, NY: Harper Torchbooks; 1956. 

  3. Akiyama H, Elliott K, Antonucci TC. Same-sex and cross-sex relationships. Journal of Gerontology: Psychological Sciences. 1996;51:P374–382.