Have you ever heard of the saying: “You will never truly understand something until it happens to you”?
I probably heard this many times more than I need to. As a clinical psychologist, I shared before the importance of embracing vulnerability among mental health professionals and how it allows us to be more empathetic towards others.
But what if I haven’t experienced similar challenges as my clients’? When I say, “I understand you”, does it make it any less valid? Does it also mean I don’t understand them enough to be qualified to offer and give help?
Fortunately, as a doctor, my findings and diagnosis are not based on opinions and emotions alone. It takes scientific and medical facts.
But, how about other people in different professions? Or how about just people in general? Is it okay to say, “I understand what you’re going through” even if you haven’t lived through the same situation? In my opinion,
✔️ You can imagine it but you cannot truly know until you’ve been in the same scenario. Take extremely impoverished people as an example. You can imagine how it’s like to be hungry but if you haven’t been in the same state of starvation as them, you can never understand what happens to their bodies - simultaneous pain, exhaustion, and mental breakdown.
✔️ Empathy can be temporary. We have the ability to stop being empathetic. Unfortunately, those people who suffer with disabilities or mental illness don’t get to turn it off whenever they want to. Having a snapshot of their life yet not having to live through it everyday does not equal to understanding it.
✔️ You don’t have to understand. I believe it’s a misconception that you always have to understand a person’s situation in order to make them feel and know that you care. Most of the time, it’s more important to listen and make their sufferings be heard than to pretend that you can relate when you can’t. You don’t have to. The best thing you can do is to be with them the best way you can.
It is worth noting, however, that we all have different levels of understanding. At the end of the day though, what truly matters is our ability to give time and listening ears in spite of our shortage in experience and own limitations.
Do you think you have to experience something to understand it?
What is your opinion on this matter?
Do let me know in the comments below.