The quality of our lives depends not on whether or not we have conflicts, but on how we respond to them.   — Thomas Crum

What is a Conflict?

             A conflict is a serious disagreement or argument, usually protracted. It could be at workplace or with family and friends Conflict is a form of friction, discord, or disagreement arising within a group when the beliefs or actions of one or more group members are either resisted or unacceptable to one or more members of another group.

Healthy ways of dealing with conflict (workplace):

  1. Accommodation: This is a win/lose situation. An accommodation approach is generally used when one party is willing to forfeit position. It is best used in situations where: One side wants to indicate some degree of justice. People want to encourage others to express their own opinion.
  2. Compromise: This is a win/lose — win/lose situation, i.e. everyone involved wins and loses through negotiation and flexibility. Every will to gain something of what he desires and to give something up at the same time. The main goal of this approach is to find common ground and maintain a relationship.
  3. Avoidance: This is a lose/lose situation. Neither side will take steps to solve the problems associated with the conflict, which means it will remain unresolved. This approach is best used: If everyone involved believes that this is a minor issue and will be resolved in a timely manner without any fuss. When the parties need a chance to cool off and spend time apart. If other people are able to resolve the conflict more effectively than the parties involved.
  4. Competition: This is a win/lose situation. One side tries to win the conflict through dominance and power. This approach is the best used: When all other methods have been tried (and failed). In emergency situations where quick, immediate and decisive action is required. In situations where unpopular changes need to be implemented and discussion is not appropriate.
  5. Cooperation: This is a win/win. It is the most efficient but most difficult way of managing differences. It requires trust and a commitment by all parties to reach a solution by getting to the heart of the problem. All parties must be willing empathize and try to understand each other’s situation. Cooperation is most suitable: When all parties are willing to jointly explore alternative solutions that may not have occurred to them of their own.

Healthy ways of dealing with conflict (Family):

  1. Put things in writing: If you expect someone from your family to repay you, for example, a personal loan, make a written agreement between you.
  2. Set boundaries for yourself: If a family member pressures you to lend or give them money, or wants to dictate your finances, it’s important to be clear about what type of behavior you won’t tolerate. Be clear so your family member knows when they’ve crossed a line.
  3. Know when to be transparent: You don’t have to share all your financial information with anyone. But in cases where your decisions may affect your family members, it is best to be transparent. You may want to talk to your children about the details of their inheritance to avoid future conflict, for example, or to let your siblings know why you can’t contribute to joint expenses. If you keep your feelings to yourself, resentment can build and increase tension.
  4. Look for compromises and accept other people’s limitations: If your sibling cannot physically help with the care, they may be able to offer you financial assistance. Be sure to show your appreciation when your sibling takes responsibility.
  5. Expect differences: Different families have different expectations, boundaries and ways of doing things. Do you see your daughter-in-law as a tactless or even rude family member? Perhaps he comes from a family environment that encourages bluntness or tolerates teasing.
  6. Focus on their most positive qualities: If you find it hard to see their flaws, try making a list of their strengths.
  7. Find common interests: While it’s not always easy, you can usually find common interests if you look hard enough.

Over time, people’s behavior and circumstances can change. So know that breaking ties is not necessarily permanent. If you see evidence that your family member is truly willing to make amends, there may be a chance for reconciliation. However, do not rush to reconcile. Both of you should accept that this process may take time and requires concrete steps to improve the relationship. With a combination of patience and better communication, you may be able to mend this broken bond and move forward with a healthier relationship.