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Past trauma
Hello,Can you please tell me should I tell my partner about I was sexually assaulted when I was 20 year old.It already took me years to get out of it.As I m planning to get married but deep inside I m feeling that by hiding this truth I m betraying my partner.When I think about it I filled with guilt.It was his right to know about it as it should be his decision to be with me or not .Please tell me what should I do as I know that a marriage should be built on truth and trust.I also don't want to hide this from him.
Answers (14)
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Hello, thank you for sharing something so personal and courageous.
Past trauma does not define your worth or your future. It’s understandable to want to be truthful, especially in a relationship built on trust. The decision to disclose should come from a place of self-empowerment, not guilt. If you feel it will help deepen emotional intimacy and remove hidden burdens, sharing it gently—with the right words and timing—can be healing for both of you.
#TraumaRecovery #RelationshipTrust #HealingJourney #DrJigneshAhir #PsychologicalSupport
Next Steps
1. Prepare emotionally—talk to a therapist before initiating the conversation.
2. Choose a private, calm setting where you both feel safe.
3. Express from your heart: focus on how you’ve grown, healed, and value honesty.
4. Be clear this was not your fault and you’ve worked through it.
5. Observe his response—true partners respond with empathy, not judgment.
Health Tips
Healing takes time; don’t rush or force the conversation.
If you feel unsafe or unsure, take help from a counselor to frame the discussion.
Remember: sharing is your right, not your obligation.
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Kindly Regards,
Dr. Jignesh Ahir
(M.Phil – Ph.D)
Psychologist – Therapist
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It’s called past trauma
Control your emotions
Some time this can spoil your present
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Hi
If you feel uncomfortable, take help of a therapist
Next Steps
relationship therapy
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let's discuss altogether
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Hi
Thanks for reaching out. You are wondering whether you should tell your partner about past trauma. It is important to remember that what happened to you is not your fault. You can decide when you want to tell your partner about past trauma. It is okay even if you talk to him about it post marriage. You have not done anything wrong. If you feel you should talk to your partner about your past trauma do it at a time when you feel comfortable.
It is important to remember that what has happened to you is not your fault. You have not done anything wrong. Your partner should not judge you about past trauma. If he really cares about you he will be understanding and show affection.
Hence you decide when you want to talk to him about it and do it at a time when you feel comfortable. If thoughts of the past is making you feel anxious and uncomfortable consult a psychologist for counselling sessions.
Avoid feeling guilty about not talking to your partner about past trauma.
Next Steps
Consult a psychologist
Health Tips
Contact me for counselling sessions. Along with counselling I can suggest natural foods to calm the mind.
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Hi, Consult a psychologist for professional help
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You are sharing something so deeply personal, your strength is already evident in the way you’re processing this.
Here’s what you need to know:
1. You Are Not Betraying Anyone.
Surviving sexual assault is not your fault, and choosing when or if to disclose it is entirely your right. It does not define your worth, and you are not obligated to share unless you feel emotionally ready.
2. Disclosure is a Personal Choice.
Many survivors feel conflicted about whether to tell their partner. If your motive is guilt alone, pause and consider:
• Are you emotionally safe and supported enough to handle the response?
• Will your partner respond with compassion and care?
3. Truth and Trust Matter, But So Does Healing.
Yes, marriage should be built on trust. But your healing and emotional safety are just as important. You do not owe anyone the details of your trauma unless you feel empowered to share them.
4. Talking to a Psychologist Can Help Immensely.
A trained trauma-informed psychologist can help you:
• Process lingering guilt or fear
• Prepare emotionally for any future disclosure
• Build confidence in your boundaries and self-worth
If You Choose to Share or disclose to your partner:
• Do it in a calm and private moment, when both of you are emotionally open.
• You can share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with, it’s your story after all.
• A kind and loving partner will respond with empathy, not judgment.
Next Steps
Consult
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Hi
You’ve already shown immense courage by surviving and healing from that trauma. Whether or not to disclose it is a deeply personal choice. You are not betraying your partner by protecting a painful part of your past. But if your instinct says you want to share it — not out of guilt, but for honesty and connection — then choose a time when you feel emotionally safe and stable. You can express it gently, focusing on your healing rather than the event itself.
A partner who truly values you will honor your strength, not judge your past. Take therapy. You can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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Open up now....
You are irresistible to express your feelings on this open platform to the experts....that means these feelings can't be buried down for sure..
It's better to open up now...than later
It's up to him to accept...
You need an expert counseling psychologist who can make you understand the concept of moral reasoning and dare to open up...
Next Steps
I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi... Please take professional help and also legal help. These things are the dark aspect of our reality but we need to take a firm stand when encountered with such atrocities. You need to address this issue from the root. Marriage or how your partner will react to it is a secondary. You first need to deal with this primarily at your psychoemotional level and then at a legal level. Taking action against an atrocity also brings some level of relief. The biggest pain is to suffer in silence. The time we are able to raise our voice against it and do something about it, we are no longer a vicitim but a fighter. Your partner will view your struggles from your eyes. I believe you want him to witness and understand your pain. Yes, you are right. Marriage is based on trust and you do need to share it with him before marriage. How he will react completely depends on him but it will be much better than him getting to know about it later. Sexual assault is not something that can be forgotten and it does leave deep scars in one's psyche. So there is no option to burry it under the surface. Think about it. Take professional help. And do what is right.
Next Steps
Consult a Psychologist.
Supportive Counselling and Personal Guidance is necessary.
Take Legal help.
Health Tips
Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four
Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cl
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Ms. Pooja Gupta
Counselling Psychologist
8 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi,
It's very brave of you to consider sharing such a personal and difficult experience with your partner. Honesty and trust are fundamental to a healthy relationship, and keeping this secret may cause you ongoing emotional strain and guilt. When you feel ready, sharing your story with your partner can foster understanding and deepen your connection, especially if you approach it with honesty and vulnerability. However, it's also important to prioritise your emotional well-being and seek support from a therapist or counselor beforehand, who can help you prepare emotionally and guide you on how to share at the right time. Remember, your past doesn't define your worth or your ability to have a loving, supportive relationship. Ultimately, the decision to share is yours, and doing so with care and support can help you build a foundation of trust and honesty in your marriage.
Next Steps
consult
Health Tips
seek help
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Ms. Neha Sachdev
Psychologist
11 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi
Firstly, sexual assault was not your fault. What happened was the wrong thought of the man/ woman.
You need not feel guilty of it.
Yet if you want to clear your conscience, you must tell him, to avoid any kind of apprehension regarding intimacy.
If you want to clear ur doubts and fears regarding intimacy and physical love, you can contact me on eight three six eight zero five three seven one zero
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Mr. Fr Dr John Zachariah
Counselling Psychologist
9 yrs exp
Ernakulam
Consult a psychologist or Sexologist
Next Steps
consult our Sexologist in ernakulam kochi
Health Tips
consult in malayalam 858*985*3765
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Ms. Smriti
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
Thank you for opening up about something so painful. I want you to know that what happened to you was not your fault, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Sharing this is an act of great courage.
It’s completely okay to want honesty in your relationship. If you feel that telling your partner will bring you peace and deepen the trust between you, then it may be the right step. But remember — this is your story, and you have the right to share it when you feel ready, not out of guilt.
A loving and understanding partner will not judge you for what was never your choice. Instead, they’ll likely admire your strength and appreciate your honesty even more.
Take your time, and only share what you’re comfortable with. You are worthy of love, respect, and a future free from the weight of the past.
You are not betraying anyone — you are healing. And that matters most.
Next Steps
consult
Health Tips
connect
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