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Trust issues before marriage
I am 30 yrs old. I am planning to get married to whom I used to love, and for whom I have made love marriage look like arrange marriage. Everything was good till I found her lies which she spoke about her life before meeting me. The issue here is not the past but the foundation on which she started this relationship. Other issue is that I had to show her proof everytime to get ger agreed that she lied. Now, the biggest issue is that I have got lot of trust issues and this has changed me as a person. I always try to keep an eye on her activity. I have also told her that we can't continue this relationship with trust issues. I have got myself divided into two, one who listens to mind and other who listens to heart. It may sound stupid but it's becoming stressful and toxic for me. I feel telling her parents about the trust issues, but not sure if its society pressure or the emotional side of me that stops me. Marriage is in end of next month. Girl doesn't want to leave me. Please advise.
Answers (10)
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Hey Human,
Things like these are often difficult to cope with, and I understand your plight. Having to deal with such a dilemma right before marriage especially with the woman you love can be quite stressful and hurting. In times like these, the most important and quite certainly the first thing that you should do is have a proper one on one conversation with your partner regarding this problem. The lies that you are talking about, they must be confronted as it is hindering your mental health, and hence it demands a conversation which is separate from a confrontation. Asking questions and being patient with their answer is of prime importance, as not being patient in such a situation often leads to fights and that doesn’t serve the purpose at hand at all.
This being said, in situations like these, some couples also choose to go to a relationship psychologist for advice. These people know hoe to handle such situations professionally and are more qualified to give you an answer that will benefit your relationship. Right now, what’s beneficial for you will be known by you both collectively. You both are in love, and there is a marriage coming your way. Before thinking of a harsh step, you can always consider options like a relationship counselor and if that becomes a stretch for you both, a proper adult conversation about your problems as a whole will not fail you.
I hope this helps you, and I hope you find your way soon!
Next Steps
Try couple's therapy, which will help both you and your fiancé, you should also try therapy individually to give you a better understanding of what you are feeling.
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Hello practo user
Humble request to seek counselling session as soon as possible. My expertise is relationship n marriage counselling. You may Google my name n take online appointment for your problem.
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You need to seek couple counseling session to decide what is best for you.
You may complicate each other's life by going ahead without having trust.
It can be well corrected with counseling sessions.
Next Steps
you can contact me through online appointment for further assistance.
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Hii,
Marriage is a life time decision and there is no moving back after you make decision.
So i would suggest you to go for couple counselling before marriage.
Psychologist will help you deal with the issue
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Ms. Komal Singh Parihar
Psychologist
4 yrs exp
Navi Mumbai
Hello there
I can understand what you might be going through. It might be very difficult for you to trust your partner as well as the ways things turned out might also be making you stressed.
Don't worry, take couple counselling with a good therapist or a psychologist as soon as possible.
You can also contact me and I will help both of you in your decisions and directions. Let's discuss your issues in detail so that both of you can reach towards your solution.
Take care. Stay safe and strong. Everything will be alright. You got this!!
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi...
In the given scenario, I would suggest you to take your time before going ahead with this marriage.
You can tell both the families that there are some issues that have developed in this time and you require more time to take this relationship to the next level.
You can postpone this marriage, and if very much required, you can do Roka or Engagement kind of thing to increase the courtship period and to give some sort of formal name to your relationship.
These issues may also have developed due to your respective past (relationships/parenting wise) and maybe because both of you are looking for very different things from this marriage.
Next Steps
Seek Pre-Marital Counselling/ Couple Therapy or Individual Therapy.
Health Tips
Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: Nine Six Seven One Three Zero Three One Three Four (whatsapp)
Website:https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cll
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Ms. Hema Sampath
Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
It is a thought at the end of the day..
This thought was missing earlier, then you were free to believe and live each other.. Now this thought which is a new visitor is accepting your life and questioning your own choices..
Think , and take decisions...
For a clarity you can consult a therapist..
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For a detailed discussion and understanding you can reach me by using the link given below :-
https://prac.to/hema-sampath-psychologist-dir
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Dr. Seema Aggarwal (PhD)
Counselling Psychologist
9 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi...
I understand your dilemma...
You are feeling insecure.
To resolve this conflict I suggest you to consult a Psychologist
Next Steps
Book online session for yourself
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Dr. Priya Puri (PhD)
Clinical Psychologist
10 yrs exp
New Delhi
Hi,
What you are going through is fairly difficult and it is natural for you to have trust issues. You will need individual therapy for yourself in order to deal with this emotional crisis and you'll also need couples therapy in order to improve the relationship.
Regards.
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Ms. Muthulakshmi
Counselling Psychologist
4 yrs exp
Chennai
Hi
I understood your problem. Pls consult with a Psychologist. You are in a confusion state. After a session you can get a clarity.
Next Steps
Talk therapy and Relaxation techniques
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