Doctor Answers (4) on Suicidal thoughts
You probably had similar but not that severe symptoms in the past.
If you are having suicidal thoughts means now your illness is serious and severe.
If u can share it with some neutral person like a Psychologist or a Counsellor near you place, I feel you will definitely get a clarity and would be able to decide about your future better.
Donot hesitate .
I see that you are an ambitious & focused person who likes to keep his life under his command. You seem to have strict standards for yourself in shaping the life path. You have successfully disciplined your mind which remains under your control most of the time. Life however has it's own unpredictability which need not be always pleasant.
I see that a few incidents from teen years have stayed with you as a strong critic for the way you think & act now because they aren't inline with your self-image. Failing to clear prelims after the honest effort has made you question your intelligence & choice of lifestyle..?? Even entertaining negative thoughts seem to be out of sync with your self-image which is an outright positive person.
Now, my dear friend i want you to ask yourself few questions. Start with these. what according to you is the purpose of your life..?? Is your current purpose the very purpose you had in mind before 5 years..?? Is the purpose shaped only through achievements..?? Do failures have any role in shaping us..?? Is 24 hours imaginable without 12 hours of night..?? Does one failure make you a failure..??
Disappointment is natural after a heartbreak however it's wise to seek help if the heart stays broken. Rational thing to do would be to make most out of this failure and use it as the stepping stone. Good Luck in expanding your self-image.