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Problem with close friend
Hi, me and my close friend are childhood friends and we again connected 9years back and it was a lighthearted bond about food, travel, jokes and movies mostly. Few months back we had a misunderstanding and i was upset with him. He came to my city to spend time and to sort all problems. Despite being introvert and inexpressive, for the first time,he opened up about his past traumas and cried his heart out in my arms and apologized and told me i am more important than his girlfriend, this friendship is valuable and bond is precious and rare. After he returned, after few days he told me that he has overdone himself and so feeling pressurized and stressed so want distance from me and focus on his new relationship as he can't balance the two but he is not breaking the friendship.He is even ignoring me since then. Very cold and formal approach in behaviour. He is asking about my health from mutual friend but got a chance to meet me but avoided it deliberately. What could be the problem?
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Hi
Allow him some time to deal the balancing issue
Maintain friendship, wait
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breath deeply
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patience
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Hey,
It sounds like he genuinely values you but is emotionally overwhelmed. Sometimes, when deep bonds stir up unresolved trauma or emotional intensity, people pull back to cope or regain balance, especially if they’re navigating a new romantic relationship.
This withdrawal likely isn’t about you, but about his capacity right now. It might help to give him space while keeping your door open gently. Meanwhile, talking to a psychologist could help you process this sudden shift and avoid carrying confusion or self-blame.
You did nothing wrong, some friendships go through pauses, not endings.
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Hey
It sounds like you both shared a very meaningful bond — one filled with years of comfort, laughter, and emotional safety. When he opened up and allowed himself to be vulnerable, it probably stirred parts of him that hadn’t been addressed in years. For someone emotionally reserved, that kind of closeness can feel both healing and overwhelming. The sudden shift you’re experiencing — from warmth to distance — might not reflect a lack of care, but rather his difficulty in handling intense emotional intimacy alongside a romantic relationship.
He may be struggling with internal conflict — guilt, pressure, loyalty dilemmas — and instead of communicating, he’s choosing avoidance to manage his stress. It’s also possible his partner feels insecure about your closeness, which he’s trying to navigate by creating space. Still, you deserve clarity. It’s okay to grieve the loss of what this friendship once felt like and also to protect your peace if the unpredictability is hurting you. Sometimes, people can care deeply and still not show up consistently — and that’s where boundaries become your self-respect in action.
Take therapy, and you can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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I can see that the distance this friend is creating is making you feel let out and abandoned. It’s pushing you in a place of loneliness and sadness. To understand this deeper you can ask yourself the question what am I seeking from this relationship. What will this give me? When I focus on what I need I am able to understand better.
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Work on finding a space to grieve the distance and be able to articulate why that is feeling too much. Go deeper than just this relationship with an expert.
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Relationships are fragile and sometimes it’s hard to understand them. Going slowly helps. Love and light. ❤️
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Hello, and thank you for reaching out.
From what you've shared, it appears your friend may be feeling emotionally overwhelmed after opening up, especially if he's typically reserved.
It could be helpful for him to speak with a psychologist to explore these patterns further, especially if heâs struggling to process emotions or maintain important relationships.
Take care of yourself during this time.
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Sanjana Purdhani
Psychologist
2 yrs exp
Delhi
It sounds like your friend experienced a moment of emotional vulnerability that was genuineâbut perhaps overwhelming for him. Sometimes, when someone is not used to expressing deep emotions (especially introverts or emotionally guarded individuals), opening up can leave them feeling exposed or anxious afterward. This emotional "hangover" can create a need to retreat and "reset." His distancing doesnât necessarily mean the bond was insincereâit may reflect his struggle with managing emotional intensity and conflicting responsibilities (like his new relationship).
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You may be feeling abandoned, confused, or even betrayedâespecially after such a rare and vulnerable moment between you two. Itâs natural to crave clarity, warmth, and consistency in a bond that feels like home. The cold behavior after closeness can be jarring, and it might leave you questioning your worth in his life.
Health Tips
Pause & reflect on what you need emotionally from this bond now. Are you looking for closure, reconnection, or peace for yourself? Give gentle space if he has asked for it, but express (if you havenât already) how this shift impacted youâwithout pressure, just honesty. Redirect your emotional energy inward. Reinvest in your self-worth, routines, and people who offer emotional safety and stability. Trust your intuition: If this dynamic continues to hurt you, itâs okay to step back to protect your own heart.
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Ms. Hema Sampath
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
It looks like that both of yiu are confused..
Reflect and understand how much is this friendship meaning for you both or atleast to you..
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Would suggest you to seek a neutral and professional support to get into a clarity and understanding..
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You can consult a psychologist for the same.
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Ms. Rizwana Parvin T M
Counselling Psychologist
7 yrs exp
Coimbatore
What could be the problem? We can derive at many guesses, but ask yourself "are you overthinking about this relationship?" If he comes to you and goes away whenever he wants, it shows he doesn't respect the relationship, so I would suggest you think less about this as whether he'll talk like before is not within our control and live your life with a balance ⚖️ Take care
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi... He is confused and that is the problem. He is going back and forth in his mind about who to choose as his partner and how to deal with this dual feeling about you and his girlfriend. This is not a very ideal state for you. You may end up getting hurt and left alone at the end. Please first clarify your feelings towards him. Are you concerned for him as a friend or you also have romantic feelings towards him. It is not wise to confuse friendship and care with love. Also, when it comes to a more serious relationship one has to think about various other aspects as well. You both are in marriable age so your choice of partner must include that future possibility. If he is in love with you and chooses you as his partner, you can reciprocate his feelings. But responding to a confusion is not reasonable. Think about it and dicuss with him. You can seek professional help if you want.
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Consult a Psychologist.
Interpersonal Relationship Counselling is required.
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four
Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cl
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Ms. Pooja Gupta
Counselling Psychologist
8 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi,
It sounds like your friend is going through a difficult and conflicting emotional phase. His decision to seek distance may stem from feeling overwhelmed by the emotional openness you shared, especially since he admitted to past traumas and expressed how much your friendship means to him. His mention of feeling pressurized and stressed suggests heâs struggling to balance his personal life, new relationship, and emotional capacity, which might be causing him to retreat temporarily to cope. The cold and formal behavior could be his way of creating emotional space to manage his feelings or avoid feeling guilty about the distance heâs putting between you. Itâs also possible heâs unsure about how to handle his emotions or the depth of the bond, especially after opening up so vulnerably. Giving him time and space while gently expressing your support and understanding can help him feel less pressured and might encourage him to communicate more openly when heâs ready.
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consult
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seek help
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Ms. Farheen Moulana
Psychologist
4 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi, it looks like your friend is going through a lot of emotional stress and is confused as well as embarrassed about his last meeting with you. It looks better to maintain your boundaries with him and if he contacts you again, please suggest therapy to him. He needs to address his emotions and his baggages to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships.
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