Negative thinking. They hate me etc.

Hey, Firstly congratulations on your baby. Being a young mother hope you are consulting a gynaecologist regularly & taking every supplement as suggested. If you are not please do so to begin with. You are carrying and nourishing another life within you, who consumes from what you eat & who is getting shaped in the environment inside your body. Which is great. You have mentioned that you have had a hard environment while growing up & also had a tendency to think about each and everything negatively. This my dear is a vicious loop. There might be one negative incident to begin with creating little fear & negative thought within you. This negative thought keeps you under the state of expectation for the things to go negatively. Even if things go little negative, your negative expectations will be affirmed. Now, what is the antidote for this loop of negative thinking & negative incidents..?? Let's see. When a child is just born what might be her/his state..? Unlike us, who find safety & protection in the brightness of day, he/she was enjoying & feeling protected in dark & cozy environment in there. He knew perfectly well that he's being protected & would get everything he needs in a blink & he did. He had reasons to complain. The world which was holding him, sometimes gave him stuff he did not really like, there used be few storms now & then however his world loved him and had all the intentions to protect him. With everything that seemed negative to him, there was indeed a positive intention which was his growth. If he did not trust his world enough, he wouldn't have been ready to come out to his next world which was brighter, where he had more agency and where he could assert his intentions in a better way. Do you think infant wishes to come out..?? Not really. Entry to this bright world with better prospectus causes him extreme anxiety. Then comes the role of mother, father & others who aid him adjust & grow. Even here he has everything he needs for him at tip of his hands which he could attain only with little trust & effort. Even here, he/she is protected. Anything that happens though might seem negative is not negative but required for him/her to grow. So antidote here is the trust & efforts to grow. Now let's see what all you are anxious about. Whenever there is a negative voice, listen to it keenly and write it down. It's trying to tell you something. Once you note few down, evaluate their roots. Though they seem futuristic their roots are in past which you are still holding back. Check how many of the negative thoughts had become a reality in past. You would notice that very few have a foundation of solid backing and rest are just in imagination. Start noticing minimum 2 things that are right/nice about the day. It could be a thought, emotion or incident. Write them down. Think about the things you like in your life at least once in a day. Just the way you listen to your negative thoughts start listening to positive ones. Sit comfortably and relax your whole body as many times as possible and release the tension. Feel your child and feel child's love towards you. Visualize how close child is to you & what he/she means to you. Visualize eventually holding the child in your arms and caring for the child. Your child is being taken care of thoroughly in there. Your body & food habits are aiding y with the process. Your husband & in laws are with you in this. You are a strong and a beautiful person who deserves a great life and you have it in you to make it so. Hope you realize it soon. Say this to yourself first thing in the morning and let it sync. Remember, there is help everywhere. If you just care to trust and reach out to it, just the way you did. Take Care.