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Emotional Cheating or Friendship
Hello, I am married for 9 years. My husband has developed great friendship with a girl in his office who is 6 years junior to him. I got to know recently when I checked his messages. It came as a big shock to me as I never expected that he can share so much details about his feelings, emotions, day to day activities with someone. They also spend a lot of time together, during office, Friday parties/dinners, weekend badminton, virtual games like Pub G and also chatting on weekends. They also share adult reels and jokes with each other on Instagram. As I was so shocked to suddenly know all this, I had a lot of arguments with my husband. But he maintained that it is just friendship and nothing else and it just lightens up his mood in office with all the stressful work. And he said that he will reduce the interaction now. While I love him a lot, my trust in him has significantly reduced. I need help in understanding if I am overthinking or he unknowingly emotionally cheated on me ?
Answers (18)
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Empowerment comes from all milestones achieved in 9 years of marriage, which aided and which drifted. Ideally, they need to be documented and discussed.
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Life coach, Relationship coaching, couple counselling
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Hi,
From what you said, it looks like you are broken emotionally. I understand how hard it is to go through this face of your life after 9 years of togetherness.
Please take a deep breath when you feel sad when you think about that. To make things clear between both of you, where I could understand a break in connection. Relationship counseling would be the best idea. Where the therapist will help you to fill in the gap that was created over the years.
Next Steps
Connect with a relationship counselor
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The relationship counselor will help the way in which the couples interact and will ensure no partner engages in behavior that will cause problems to their relationship.
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Hi
Higher libido or addiction or compulsion may cause such behavior changes in your husband
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Couple Therapy
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consult
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Hi beautiful!
Let's get in touch and talk more on this, where you feel safe and we can analyse the situation with more peculiarities.
Regards
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counseling
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counseling
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Hi , what I understood whether he knowingly or unknowingly cheated on you , you can deal with issue without overthinking. If you are feeling hurt, anger about your husband,in that case you can get rid of these emotions and talk to your husband without anger but assertively. There Is difference between temporary loss of trust and permanent loss of trust . If trust once lost doesn't mean, you would never be able to develop again.
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go for counselling
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Hie :)
I have a question for you. "Emotionally cheated?" We hear new terms across media (which are just coined off based on feelings) and make it a reality.
It's completely understandable to feel outraged when you discover something that could have been shared. And also, you have mentioned you had arguments with him. What led to arguments?
Did you try to ask him with an intention to understand why this was kept away from you? Did you start with an accusation + assumed he had been spending more emotional time with her than he's been with you?
As for now: Please ask yourself why do you feel you cannot trust him again.
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It'd be great for you if you consult a Psychotherapist/Psychologist. There must be a reason why you immediately felt emotionally cheated.
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First of all there is nothing called as emotional cheating. Secondly, this is a complex situation and can have significant impact on your marriage. It is always better to consult a mental health professional who is specialised in dealing with married couples and their challenges. A couple counsellor or a marital therapist can be an ideal go to in this situation.
Next Steps
Consult a marital therapist or a couple counsellor
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Do not think too much based on what you are feeling or what others are saying but consult a professional for better intervention.
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Hi,It is not easy to handle a situation like this.Healing process is always time consuming.You should talk to him about your feelings when you both are ready to talk.You both can find ways to reduce the work stress
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Consult with a psychologist for marriage counseling
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It seems to be post traumatic shock. You may have a lot of other psychological issues because of this incident.
It needs to be treated asap otherwise it may get complicated.
It can be treated well with counseling sessions and homeopathic medicine effectively.
You need an expert psychologist who is a good homeopathic physician.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist for the last 17 years. you can contact me through online appointment for further assistance
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Hi
Better to clarify each and everything in detail by keeping desired outcome in the mind in a precise and straight manner rather than living in a doubtful and stressful environment.Most unpredictable element in this universe is human being so without getting affected get insight and clarity.
Next Steps
Sit across the table with desired outcome and what you want and discuss everything to create win -win situation and reduce pressure and stress.
Health Tips
Try to identify the trigger and root cause of this issue by connecting dots backwardly in the last nine years.
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Hi,
Communication is important, the need to acknowledge, understand, and communicate to build trust , respect to have a healthy marital relationship.
Consider suggesting Couple Therapy or Marital Counselling to your husband to improve your relationship as you have these feelings , this will help as it works when both the partners are willing to accept their ways and change them if required .
A therapist in a non judgemental manner will hear you both , help you to find that common ground to help your’ll understand build trust to bring a change in your relationship. In a positive effective manner going forward .
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Consult a Psychologist
Couple Therapy or Marital Counselling is required..
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Ms. Hema Sampath
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
My suggestion is to go for a Relationship Counselling /Couple Therapy..
So that both of you can share and discuss your concerns and understand each other better and for betterment of your married life..
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You can reach for more details..
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Dr. Priyanka (PhD)
Clinical Psychologist
12 yrs exp
Delhi
Good morning mam,
When a person get this type of friendship in office it means his emotional needs are fulfilling there and so that he is sharing all these things with his colleague. Do you find anything in your relationship that now you both are not that much emotionally connected as you were connected in the early years of your marriage, because with years and at this stage the couples get this issue. It’s not happening because he want to cheat you but it’s came in his habit . So find out the gap in your relationship and try to fill that gap to make your relationship healthy.
If you are feeling sad or anxious you can take a consultation.
Health Tips
Do some relaxation exercises.
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Ms. Simran Dugar
Mental Health Counselor
3 yrs exp
Kolkata
I understand this is a challenging situation for you. It's completely normal to feel upset and question the dynamics of your husband's friendship. Trust is a crucial component in any relationship, and it's okay to seek clarification. Consider having an open and honest conversation with your husband, expressing your feelings and concerns. It's important for both of you to understand each other's perspectives and work together to rebuild trust. If you find that these feelings persist and impact your well-being, seeking the guidance of a couples' counselor could provide valuable support in navigating through these emotions and fostering a healthier relationship.
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Ms. Smriti
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
Please connect with psychologist to resolve inner conflicts
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connect
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consult
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Mr. Vijay Kumar
Psychologist
30 yrs exp
Navi Mumbai
Most close relationships, especially those between spouses, have their foundation built on trust which gets built over a long period of time. When trust gets shaken up because of small or big events and incidents in life, the result often is a sense of bitterness. People who face that bitterness in close relationships are bound to feel the pain of betrayal which in most cases will be unbearable. In such cases, the pain eases over a period of time but the emotional scar it leaves lasts for a long time, maybe even for life.
I wrote so much to tell you that it is not easy to face situations like what you seem to be facing right now. It is likely to put you in a sense of loss too. My advice to you would be to remain sensible, without reading too much into the events so far. It is going to be difficult but not impossible. Try to communicate with your husband without being emotional because when you carry painful emotions and communicate, you will sound blaming, accusing etc. This will prevent meaningful and logical exchanges from happening between you and your husband. Both of you need to let some time pass without arguments and emotional outbursts. This time period will help your feelings to cool down. At some good point in time after that, both of you should sit together and take a decision that both will do everything necessary to ensure that the development does not flare up and your husband will not proceed with anything in his friendship that will hurt you further. You will be within your right even to ask him to wind up his friendship if you remain uncomfortable with it perpetually. All these, ideally, should be without the involvement of any third person, whoever.
One last word - forgive if necessary. It will take away a lot of negativities from the minds of both of you.
Next Steps
Keep the option of consulting a psychologist open, if necessary.
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Ms. Bhagyashree Nandraj
Psychologist
7 yrs exp
Hyderabad
For any relationship to maintain , communication is the key. I would suggest that you both should sit and communicate and discuss this matter seriously. discuss each other's expectations. See what is lacking. It is very important that you should have respect , trust in your relationship. Rebuilling trust can be challenging for both of you.
Next Steps
See a couple therapist / counsellor , If he is promising to be faithful to you, henceforth, let him be transparent in his activities..time and again he must share his mails,messages etc to rebuild the trust.
Health Tips
you must take care of yourself, it is very important that you should be calm,and patient . if he is really feeling sorry for he has done ,learn to forgive to maitain the relationship. .This will take time.
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Ms. Kamna Vigg
Counselling Psychologist
4 yrs exp
Faridabad
It is very natural to feel emotionally cheated as you say it was shocking for you. I do understand that you may not be comfortable with this newly developed friendship and you didn't have any clue about what all they share and how much they do allow each other in their lives. I think you both need to discuss about certain boundaries you need to maintain as a couple together with others keeping in mind that some of it is not acceptable to you.
Next Steps
Talk to your husband and let him understand that you need to feel that you can trust him all over again and he could be more understanding and try to make you feel secure again.
Health Tips
You both could list down some negotiables and non negotiables to be able to navigate through this phase
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Disclaimer : The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.