Depression, anxiety attacks, self harm.

I am 24 year old female. I've been suffering from depression since I was in school because being a girl has been a regret for my mother, i accepted that but many problems added later on as I grew up. Watching family problems and lack of friends​ lead to me having anxiety attacks. I did not visit a specialist ever for this complaint as I am too ashamed to have this illness. Later in my college, problems increased as my friends knew about my depression and rather supporting I was boycotted from my group. I tried to escape and triedto distract but it was all temporary. Since last year my head spins around .....I have this horrible voice in my head that is telling me constantly to hurt myself to find peace. It all started with digging nails in my skin, later cutting my skin with blade. And now punishing myself for mistakes I'm doing in life by beating myself with wooden stick and slapping myself. I want to get well but I'm scared as I have trust issues too