Dealing with depression and anxiety. 5.

I understand your predicament. Rather than looking for a quick-fix to deal with what you are feeling on the surface, I want you to look at what is really disturbing you, calling for your attention and needs to be addressed. Today, in your present situation, I know it can be very overwhelming, depressing and challenging. Dealing with all this takes up a major chunk of your time and energy. But, I want you to take a moment to figure out things that matter most to you, envision what kind of a life you would want for yourself. Reflect on those times when you were a little girl - the kind of hopes, dreams and aspirations you had, what you hoped to achieve in life. Most often, we go about as if we are at the receiving end of life, of situations and while we are carried in this flow, experiences come to us and we are supposed to react to them as they happen. It's as if we are sitting on the passenger seat or the back seat while life is driving us. I want you to know that you are at the wheel, driving. One of the definitions of stress is the thought(s) or the belief that you don't have the capability, the resources to address, to deal with, to successfully overcome the challenge(s) that is right in front of you now. I want you to know that you are a match for every mountain you face. And that mountain comes in your path only so that in the process of climbing it and getting across it, you will eventually become the person that you are meant to be. Trust me, you will have all the resources to surmount it too. When thoughts of such nature plague you, it is natural to take comfort in self-pity, anger frustration. So, addressing the root cause of this tendency will help you get back at the steering wheel and head in the direction you deserve to go. Our attitude towards life in general and things in particular is based on our Beliefs - what we believe to be true about ourselves and the world. What are your core beliefs about yourself and the world? Try writing them down and examine the validity of these beliefs. Some of them may be limiting and negative in nature because of the kind of feedback you received while growing up - at home, in school, from your classmates, friends, relatives, etc. But once you are aware of them, you shed light on them, they can no longer manipulate your behavior or actions. As your beliefs change, your attitude changes, and words, actions and behavior follow. Here is an analogy - in a flight, when they teach you the safety precautions to follow during emergency landings, they ask you to wear the oxygen mask yourself first before you try to help others. It is only when we take ourselves first that we become fit to take care of others - ' You can only give what you have ' . Your life is precious and you have a significant contribution to make in the world with your unique skills and talents but you have to take care of yourself first. The first step is to ensure that you are in a healthy, calm and composed mental state for you to get back on track. Here are a few suggestions that could help you. Kindly read what follows : I want you to know that with awareness of how the mind works and how thoughts are generated, you will get better at dealing with them and thereby overcome the challenges you are facing right now. I want you to know that you are capable of doing this and can successfully deal with them. Understanding the nature of the mind and how thoughts are generated will help you deal with your emotions better too. Today the mind is fixated on something. Tomorrow it might be on another topic/event/person. The nature of the Mind, which in simple terms we experience as thoughts, is such that, it will keep shifting its focus from one object/topic/event to another. Ii always needs something to hold on to. Another important characteristic of the Mind is this - You will either have thoughts about the past or the future. This will keep alternating. Try thinking about the present moment - you will see that the Mind and 'Now' can never coexist. The Mind has 3 states in general. Sometimes, you may find yourself having very positive, inspiring thoughts. During other times, you may find yourself very emotional, or all charged for action. Whereas during other times, you may feel very lethargic, dull or lazy. These states will keep alternating. Having understood the nature of the mind, the first step towards mental health is to become aware of your thoughts. Learning to be an observer of your thoughts, learning to observe them from a distance like clouds passing in the sky. The next step is knowing that you have the power to choose which thought you wish to focus on and act on and exercising that power. With practice, you will have better mastery over this process. Having negative thoughts is something that plagues everybody from time to time. Trust me, even if everything was perfect, you will still find some shortcomings somewhere and brood about it. As mentioned above, with practice, you will learn to focus and entertain only those thoughts are healthy enough to be acted upon. Whenever you feel overwhelmed by thoughts, just bring your focus back to your breath and take a few relaxing breaths. You will automatically be able to focus on the task at hand and do what is required. Whatever you feed your mind through your sense organs will be replayed to you as thoughts. Be conscious of this. Take care of the content you feed your mind - the kind of books you read, the websites you visit, the kind of music you listen to, the kind of food you eat, the kind of company you keep ( "You are an average of five people you spend most of your time with" ) When you consciously make an effort to feed your mind positive, inspiring, motivational content and let go of limiting negative beliefs, i.e., stop listening to them and not allowing them to dictate the way you behave - new thinking patterns develop, you begin to explore new positive ways to respond to situations, the world responds to a new you, the feedback you receive changes - thus leading to new healthy beliefs taking shape and the cycle repeats. The next time you experience depressing thoughts, deal with it from the standpoint of knowing that it shall pass. Observe your thoughts and bodily sensations without judging them as threatening. Know that it shall pass. Keep breathing slowly through it. Reflect on the following and write your answers down. Ask yourself : Where would I like to see myself ten years from now? What should I do today to reach there ten years from now? What would I do if I knew I wouldn't fail? What would I do if I weren't afraid? Write. Delete. Rewrite. Do this until you know you have been truly honest with yourself. No matter how impossible the answers might seem, I want you to know that you can and will make them possible. Take the first step. The rest will follow. A beautiful future awaits you. Take ownership of every moment, take responsibility for it and confidently work towards your dreams and aspirations. One day you will thank these dark moments for being the fuel for your success. Please set aside time for exercise daily and make sure you eat healthy every time. Our challenges that seem to threaten our very existence are the ones that serve as fuel for our evolution. Have faith in yourself. You are capable of dealing with this. You are going to do just fine. Take care.