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Cheating before marriage
I married my love after 2 yrs of waiting as we both are from different caste and his mother was not willing to get him married in other caste and also his father expired. Those 2 yrs of waiting drained me emotionally as I had to go against my entire family especially my parents as I was already 28 by then and they want me to get married immediately. Finally we got married and have a beautiful baby girl. I must say he is the best husband I can get he takes lot of care of me. Recently I was going through his mobile casually and found out that he was texting other girls too when he was in relationship with me. He checked lot of profiles in matrimonies and texted them too.i could not digest that i was waiting for a person literally facing lot of struggle and he was searching for other matches. I though I was the one for him but he considered me just as an option out of all other options he was trying. Is it not correct on my side to feel bad?
Answers (8)
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Yes, It is painful, to digest that the spouse is looking somewhere, that too when you were in anxiety and straggling to build a bridge.
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Suggest to take therapy, it helps you.
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Hi
You are feeling upset about him checking out other profiles when he was in a relationship with you. I understand you are feeling bad about it. It will be good if you can talk to someone about what is in your mind. Talking to a psychologist will help you. You mentioned that he is the best husband and he takes good care of you. It is important to remember that it is sometimes okay to have doubts. With counseling sessions you will feel better.
Next Steps
Consult a psychologist
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Contact me for counseling session. You can reach out to me on my Instagram page shivani_naghnoor
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Hi
Empathy
Talk to him, have undergone marital therapy. Finally he has chosen you and you're his wife.
You must follow relationship principles , must give a person freedom in certain aspects.
See present context and dont see past
Next Steps
Interpersonal Therapy
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“Freedom, or individual liberty, was a basic premise of the Spanish anarchist tradition. "Individual sovereignty" is a prime tenet of most anarchist writing; the free development of one' s individual potential is one of the basic "rights" to which all humans are born. Yet Spanish anarchists were firmly rooted in the communalist-anarchist tradition. For them, freedom was fundamentally a social product: the fullest expression of individuality and of creativity can be achieved only in and through community. As Carmen Conde (a teacher who was also active in Mujeres Libres) wrote, describing the relationship of individuality and community: "I and my truth; I and my faith ... And I for you, but without ever ceasing to be me, so that you can always be you. Because I don' t exist without your existence, but my existence is also indispensable to yours.”
Martha A. Ackelsberg
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Whatever you feel cannot be justified as correct or incorrect. It is how you feel and it is very valid. However if you want to move on and give your marriage a real try you will have to understand your feelings communicate them and accept the pain and hurt it has got you.
Next Steps
You can take a brief therapy session to help you vent and deal with your emotions so that you move ahead in a constructive way. And not let this episode cloud your relationship forever.
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Ms. Komal Singh Parihar
Psychologist
7 yrs exp
Navi Mumbai
Hello there
I can understand what you might be feeling. It might be hard for you to feel okay after knowing this fact about your husband. And now, since you have a baby girl, it might be more difficult for you to deal with this feeling since you have a family now.
Don't worry. Consult a good Psychologist or a Therapist as soon as possible.
You can also contact me and I will try to help you towards your recovery. Let's discuss your issues in detail so that you can get towards your solution.
Take care. Stay safe and strong. Everything will be alright. You got this!
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Ms. Mohana Priya G
Psychologist
8 yrs exp
Bangalore
Yes I can understand you but you need to know about certain situations or may be certain emotions or feeling and actions which isn't meant to get answers.
Next Steps
contact me for further assistance
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi... You have created a cognitive struggle for yourself by checking his mobile and coming up with this theory. It will be best that you talk to him about this and verify that your version is even true or not. Under pressure people tend to do things that they otherwise won't do. He might be going through some profiles or chatting with other girls as at that time he would be feeling that it won't work out with you. These kinds of situations are very dicey and people tend to respond very differently in such situations. Unless he went serious with anyone, I don't see a reason for you to be worried. About this romantic idea of him searching for other options while you fighting with your family is more of your version. Imagine a situation where you couldn't have gotten married to him, would you have considered yourself a deceitful person? Same way it's not always the outcome that defines character but the reasons and choices people make is what matters.
Next Steps
Consult a Psychologist.
CBT along with Interpersonal Relationship Counselling is required.
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four
Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cl
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Ms. Hema Sampath
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
Yes.. from your perspective, the efforts and the pain you had to go through for this marriage to happen, you can feel so..
Also, you are also, experiencing a happy married life with him with a sweetnlottle kid too..
The question or the reflection which need to gonthrough will be, "Do I want this marriage with turban I wanted to live with or Am I going to blame him and damage this relationship itself..
Health Tips
For a detailed discussion and clarity, you can reach me by using the link given below:-
https://prac.to/hema-sampath-psychologist-dir
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