Anger issues. I am also demotivated.

Hi Consult Learn about Anger Management Skills.

Step 1. Start to Understand Your Anger Anger is an emotion like any other, and the first step towards being able to control any emotion is to understand why it happens. Many people use anger as a way to cover up other emotions, such as fear, vulnerability, or embarrassment. This is particularly true for people who were not encouraged to express their emotions as children, but it can apply to anyone. When you start to feel angry, look behind your anger to see if you can identify what you are really feeling. Once you name the feeling, you will find it easier to express it more appropriately. Step 2. Know Your Triggers and Signs We all have certain things that make us angry, and also telltale signs that we are starting to lose our temper. Learning to recognise both can make it easier to stop before you lose your temper. The signs of anger are often easier to recognise. For example, people often say that their heartbeat increases when they are angry, because anger is linked to the adrenaline (fight or flight) response. You may also find that your breathing speeds up, for the same reason. You may tense your muscles—people often clench their fists when they are angry. Some people need to move around, pacing the floor—again, an adrenaline response. Triggers are often very personal, but there are a number of general themes that can help you to identify them. For example: Negative thought patterns are often associated with angry outbursts. Beware if you start over-generalising (“He never helps me!” “She always leaves her shoes lying about!”), or jumping to conclusions about what people are thinking (and for more about this, see our page on The Ladder of Inference).People or places that you find stressful may also make it harder to control your emotions. If your anger is a mask for other emotions, it may therefore be likely to emerge. Being aware of what makes you stressed can help you to avoid those situations, or ask for help to manage them better. See our pages on Stress and Stress Management for more.Step 3. Learn Ways to Cool Down Your Temper Just as we all have triggers for anger, so we all have ways that we ‘cool down’. Learning some techniques means you can use them when you notice your telltale anger signs. Some useful techniques include: Consciously Breathing More Slowly and Relaxing The idea behind this is to try to reverse some of the physical symptoms of anger. Even if you cannot take yourself away for 15 minutes, stopping and taking (and particularly releasing) some deep breaths can help you to relax and give you time to think. Focus on How You Feel Physically Take a moment to notice your body’s reactions. What has happened to your breathing? Your heart rate? What else has changed? Sometimes, just noticing the physical changes in your body can help to calm you down, because it turns your mind to something other than the immediate problem. Slowly Count to Ten (or More!) Give logic a chance to catch up with your emotions. Slowly counting to ten (preferably in your head, especially if you are with other people) before saying or doing anything will help you to avoid saying anything you may later regret. It will also help you to work out how best to get your message across. Stretch When you are angry, you tend to tense up. Slowly stretching out can help you relax a little, which again reverses some of the physical signs of anger and therefore makes you feel calmer. Step 4. Find Other Ways to Express Your Anger There are times when anger is appropriate. However, exploding is not. You need to find a healthy way to express your anger calmly, so that your message is heard. Some ways to ensure this happens include: Plan ‘Difficult’ Conversations If you are worried about having a conversation that may leave you feeling angry then try to take control of the situation.  Make notes beforehand, planning what you want to say in a calm and assertive way.  You are less likely to get side-tracked during your conversation if you can refer to your anger. Focus on Solutions not Problems Rather than dwell on what has made you angry, try focusing on how to resolve problems so that they do not arise again in the future. See our Problem Solving pages for some effective ways to help you solve problems. Give Yourself Time Wait until you have calmed down from your anger and then express yourself in a calm and collected way. You need to be assertive without being aggressive. Focus on the Relationship, and Don't Hold Grudges We all need to accept that everybody is different and that we cannot control the feelings, beliefs or behaviours of others. Instead of focusing on the immediate issue, focus on the relationship. This is more important than who is ‘right’. Try to be realistic and accept that people are the way they are, not how we would like them to be.  Being resentful or holding a grudge against somebody will increase your anger and make it more difficult to control. You cannot change how other people behave or think but you can change how you deal with others but working on a positive attitude. Use Humour to Defuse Situations It is easy to use inappropriate sarcasm when angry; resist the temptation to do this and instead work on introducing some good humour into potentially difficult conversations. If you can introduce some humour, resentment will be reduced and your mood lifted. The simple act of laughing can go a long way to reduce anger, especially over the longer term. See our page on Laughter Therapy for more information. Step 5. Look After Yourself Any kind of emotional management is easier if you are well and healthy in mind and body. Or, to put it another way, when we are under stress—which includes being unhealthy—it is harder to manage and our master our emotions. It can therefore be helpful to take steps to ensure that you remain healthy. These include: Taking Exercise and Keep Fit The hormones that we release when we are angry—mainly cortisol and adrenaline—are similar to those produced when we are stressed. When you exercise regularly, your body learns how to regulate your adrenaline and cortisol levels more effectively.  People who are physically fit also have more optimum levels of endorphins, the hormones that make you feel good and therefore less likely to feel angry. Sleeping Well Sleep is an important part of life and good quality sleep can help combat many physical, mental and emotional problems, including anger. When we sleep, the body and mind rest and rebuild damaged cells and neural pathways.  We all know that people often feel better after a good night’s sleep. The optimum level of good quality sleep is about 7 hours a night, although everybody is different and you may need more or less than this. Learn to Manage Your Stress Levels Being under stress makes it much harder to manage emotions. It is worth looking carefully at your stress levels, and see if you can reduce them at all.