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4 years girl crying to go to school
My 3.9 years daughter is going school since 1.5 years. Still she is crying to go saying she is scared as we are not there in School. but she goes elsewhere places without us and don't come even we calls. She has stage fear. She cries in karate class, dance class in school. She doesn't have stability at one thing,she starts a thing and does it for a minute or two then goes to other thing. We don't know what exactly the problem is.
Answers (11)
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It may be anxiety issue
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freedom ,
soften parenting
help her to understand creative aspects
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child psychothetapy
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Kindly consult psychotherapist
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If her behaviour is affecting her day to day life, it is suggested to see a Psychologist to build her confidence in self esteem. And create self love by motivating her and appreciation when she puts in an effort. Such as Very Good, I loved the confidence, etc.
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Seek consultation with Psychologist
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Inculcate Affirmative Parenting
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Based on the concerns shared about your 3.9-year-old daughter, here is my professional advice as a clinical psychologist:
Understanding the Situation:
Your daughter’s persistent fear of school, reluctance to participate in activities, stage fear, and difficulty in focusing on one task could indicate underlying emotional or developmental concerns. Some possible reasons include:
Separation Anxiety: Fear of being away from parents, which is common at this age but should gradually improve.
Sensory Sensitivities: Overwhelm in new environments, loud noises, or social interactions.
Social Anxiety or Performance Anxiety: Fear of judgment or participation in group settings.
Attention and Regulation Challenges: Difficulty maintaining focus on tasks, moving quickly from one activity to another.
Next Steps
Recommended Next Steps:
1. Gentle Desensitization: Gradually increase her comfort with school by reassuring her about safety and routines. Create a goodbye ritual to ease separation.
2. Positive Reinforcement: Praise and reward her small successes in staying at school and participating in activities. Avoid pressuring her.
3. Emotional Validation: Acknowledge her fears instead of dismissing them. Let her express her feelings through drawing, storytelling, or play.
4. Structured Routine: Having a predictable schedule at home and school can help her feel more secure and in control.
5. Encourage Social Interactions: Arrange small playdates to build confidence in social settings outside school.
6. Teacher Collaboration: Speak with her teachers to create a supportive environment with gradual exposure to group activities.
7. Mindfulness & Breathing Techniques: Teach simple relaxation exercises like deep breathing when she feels anxious.
8. Psychological Assessment (If Needed): If her anxiety, focus issues, and emotional struggles persist or intensify, a developmental or psychological evaluation could provide deeper insights into her needs.
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Every child develops at their own pace. With patience, support, and the right approach, she will gradually gain confidence and emotional resilience. If you need further guidance, feel free to consult a child psychologist.
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Hi
She might be going through separation anxiety which generally is okay with kids when they start going to school without parents. But if that persists please consult a clinical psychologist who can help you.
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Dr. Gargi Bansal (PhD)
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Noida
Looks like your daughter is having separation anxiety which quite common amongst children. You can talk to her teacher regarding her school behaviour and about her friends in class. If everything seems fine then it’s just a phase. Secondly make sure that she is not using crying to gain attention from you. So if she is crying generally while demanding things then make sure that you do not encourage her habit.
Security for stage fear ask her CT to make her speak in class, speak poem, show tell activities so that she learns to speak up in in front of others confidently
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Ms. Neha Sachdev
Psychologist
11 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi
Please understand that she is only 4 yrs old, and has been exposed to separation anxiety at a very early stage. She has seen separating from a parent at a very crucial age, where a child needed a parent for comfort.
Also, it also depends on the care taker- how she made her cope with the separation from the parents- during the time she was left crying in the school.
Was she left alone for a longer time n hence was told that the parents would come back soon and was not fulfilled? She may have inculcated trust issues at a very early stage.
Hence the stage fear.
Since she is only 4yrs. Children do not have specific interest in a particular thing. They are curious to explore various things at the same time. Jumping from one activity to another is what a 4 yr old would do.
Expecting stability at this age is not possible. Infact it’s good that she wants to explore and do various things.
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Please consult to understand your child better. Even if you expect her to answer as to what her issues are, she will not be able to express it properly.
Please consult.
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Ms. Rizwana Parvin T M
Counselling Psychologist
7 yrs exp
Coimbatore
She has a small attention span, it may be because of using constant mobile...is it the case? You mentioned karathae and dance class.... How is she in academics...Start slowly....hire a coach and give her training for dance so she feels confident.
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Ms. Pooja Gupta
Counselling Psychologist
8 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi,
It sounds like your daughter is experiencing a mix of anxiety and fear of separation, which is quite common at her age, especially in new or unfamiliar environments like school and classes. While it's positive that she can engage with other activities independently, her emotional response to being away from you could indicate a need for more support in building her confidence and coping skills. To help her feel more secure at school, consider establishing a consistent drop-off routine that includes a short, reassuring goodbye, reinforcing the idea that you will return to pick her up. It may also be beneficial to communicate with her teachers to understand her experiences in school better and to ensure they are aware of her feelings.
Additionally, introducing small, incremental challenges, such as allowing her to stay longer in her activities or engaging in playdates with classmates, can foster her comfort level in these settings. Encouraging her to express her feelings through play or art can also provide insights into her challenges. If her fears persist or worsen, it might be helpful to consult with a child psychologist or counselor who specializes in early childhood development. They can provide tailored strategies to help her develop emotional resilience and cope with her feelings of fear and anxiety, enabling her to engage more comfortably in social situations and activities.
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consult
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seek help
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Sanjana Purdhani
Psychologist
2 yrs exp
Delhi
It sounds like your daughter is experiencing a combination of separation anxiety, stage fear, and difficulties with sustained attentionâall of which are common in young children but can sometimes indicate deeper underlying concerns. The fact that she is comfortable in other environments without you suggests that the anxiety may be more school-specific, possibly related to structure, social expectations, or fear of failure.
Instead of seeing this as just reluctance, itâs helpful to view her behavior as communicationâshe may be struggling with self-regulation, expectations, or an underlying fear that she cannot yet express fully. Identifying the root cause is key to helping her feel safe and confident.
Next Steps
Acknowledge and Normalize Her Feelings, Gradual Exposure & Positive Reinforcement, Encourage Expressing Feelings Through Play & Stories
Health Tips
peak with her teachers to see if they notice any specific triggers (social pressure, loud noises, unfamiliar activities), If her anxiety persists, interferes with daily life, or if she continues having difficulty in multiple structured settings, a consultation with a child psychologist could help understand if there are deeper emotional or developmental concerns at play, At Soul Savera, we focus on helping children feel emotionally safe, express their feelings freely, and build confidence at their own pace. If needed, weâd be happy to help assess her challenges and provide personalized support.
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Ms. Smriti
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
Connect with psychologist
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