4 year is stressed going to school. Do?

Consult psychotherapist

Hello worried parents Thank you for sharing this—your daughter is going through a very common but emotionally intense adjustment phase. What she’s experiencing is called school refusal anxiety, and even though she’s doing well academically and is praised by teachers, the emotional overwhelm of a new structured environment, long hours, and separation from you can be too much for a young child. At this age, they often don’t have the words to explain what’s bothering them, so their distress comes out as “I don’t want to go” without knowing why. Her crying in the evenings is a sign that she’s bottling up emotions during school hours and releasing them in her safe space—you. Instead of focusing on changing schools (which may reinforce the fear), work on building emotional safety and predictability. You can try: • A visual routine chart to help her see what happens before and after school. • Transitional objects, like a note from you in her bag, or a small toy she associates with home. • Storybooks that normalize school anxiety (“The Kissing Hand,” “Llama Llama Misses Mama”) are great tools. • Most importantly, validate her feelings—say things like “It’s okay to feel this way” and avoid saying “But you have to go.” If this continues for more than a month, a child psychologist can help with play therapy to identify hidden fears. For now, patience, routine, and connection are the most powerful tools.

Hello, Your distress is understandable given the child's reluctance towards school. Every child responds differently to transition.  Playschools approach is usually more playful & child friendly. The transition to formal school brings exposure to several novel experiences. The discipline, timings, teachers, uniforms, new classmates, studies. One cannot exactly pinpoint which of these is a trigger for the child's resistance. Patience and persistence shall help navigate this phase skillfully. What factors are likeable for the child, more acceptable can be built upon. Accepting the child's avoidance first and giving her another perspective rather than a contradiction can also facilitate her mindshift. Reinforcement and explaining the positives and accepting her version and bridging it to a common acceptable manner to both makes it a win-win situation. I wish you success and the child all the best for a wonderful schooling experience. You can consult for further professional guidance. Happy Healthy Living!

Hi, It's common for young children to experience anxiety when transitioning to formal schooling, even if they excel academically. Your daughter's sentiments may stem from a variety of factors, such as social pressures, new classroom routines, or separation anxiety, rather than her performance. It’s crucial to approach the situation with empathy and support, validating her feelings without forcing a solution. Consider establishing a consistent and comforting routine before and after school to help her feel more secure. Engage her in open conversations about her experiences and feelings, encouraging her to express herself. You might also explore play-based activities that reinforce positive associations with school, or arrange playdates with classmates to foster friendships. If her anxiety persists, it may be beneficial to consult a child psychologist for tailored strategies to support her emotional needs.

consult

seek help

Hi, Change of school can be the cause for stress and anxiety.Once she becomes familiar with the new atmosphere things may improve.Be patient with her.

If the crying and resistance persist for more than a few weeks, consider consulting a child psychologist to rule out any deeper anxiety or adjustment disorders.

connect

consult

Your daughter’s stress, especially the reluctance to go to school, seems to be more about the emotional adjustment to the new school routine rather than any specific issue with the school itself. It’s not uncommon for children to feel overwhelmed or anxious when faced with new demands, even if they are doing well academically. Her tears in the evening could be a way of expressing her anxiety and exhaustion after the long day at school.

Validate Her Feelings: Instead of focusing on the “why” of her behavior, focus on letting her know it’s okay to feel anxious. You could say things like, "I understand you feel nervous about school, but I am proud of you every day." Reassuring her that her feelings are valid and that it’s okay to feel this way can reduce some of her anxiety. Consistency with Routine: Set a predictable, comforting routine at home that includes activities she enjoys before and after school. This can help create a sense of security, making school feel like a smaller part of the day rather than an overwhelming one. If possible, involve her in preparing for school the night before. Getting clothes ready or packing her bag can help reduce morning anxiety. Address the Underlying Fear of School: Although she’s praised for being outstanding academically, the emotional transition might still be difficult. Try asking her gently about specific aspects she’s worried about, such as interacting with classmates, the schoolwork, or other changes. Sometimes young children can’t verbalize their fears, but simple questions can open up the conversation. Sometimes, social fears (like not being able to make friends, or a fear of not fitting in) might be at the root of her stress. It could be helpful to talk about the classmates she enjoys interacting with, if there are any. Gradual Exposure: Instead of talking about the option of switching schools, focus on the positives about her current school. You could plan small rewards after school, like a fun activity she loves, to associate school with good things. You can also create small "school-like" routines at home (for example, “classroom” learning time or practicing some skills) in a fun and pressure-free environment to help her feel more comfortable with school-like activities. Reassure Her with Positive Reinforcement: Praise her achievements, even small ones. When she returns from school, ask her about one thing she enjoyed during her day. This reinforces the idea that school can have positive moments, helping reduce the anxiety over time.

Comfort Object: If she has a favorite toy or blanket, consider letting her take it to school, or have it with her before and after school as a source of comfort. Visual Routines: Create a visual chart that helps her see what the day will look like, so she feels more in control and less anxious. Incorporate Play into the Learning Process: Continue to make learning fun and relatable. Play school at home with toys or make-believe, where she takes on the "teacher" role, helping her to process the school experience through play.

Hi, I completely understand how stressful this must feel as a parent especially when your child is doing well academically but still resists school. At 4 years, children often don’t have the words to explain their emotions. It could be separation anxiety, fear of change, or even small things that feel big to them. In therapy, I use child-friendly methods like play and stories to help children open up and support parents with clear steps. You’re not alone feel free to book a session and let’s gently work through this together. HRITIK

Connect to me

• Stick to a calm, predictable morning routine • Avoid asking too many questions about school—let her open up naturally • Validate her feelings (“I know it feels hard”) without forcing solutions • Use playful methods (like drawing or role-play) to help her express what’s bothering her

Try to empathise from her shoes why she hates school...Keep observing her. Find the root cause of why she doesn't like going to school and then start child counselling for her through art therapy or any form of play therapy child is comfortable with the counselor.She will adapt, have hope with counselling things will get better. She is only 4 year old, she will overcome this. Start counselling immediately.

Hi... It is not unusual for a child to resist going to the school. The freedom and care at home and the comfort that surrounds can make any 4 year old feel resistant to leave it. But considering that this is not the first time she is leaving home and that she has been going to the playschool earlier make me believe there is something not right about her school environment. Please try to talk to her in a calm, playful manner and enquire about all the people she meets and the activities she goes through in her school everyday. Try to ask all the things she likes doing and she doesn't like doing. Ask who she likes the most and who she doesn't like at all, and why. Try sharing your concerns if she doesn't wishes to go to any school at all. Children's at this age imitate and reciprocate the perceived thoughts and emotions of their loved ones. If they feel heard, accepted, and respected. They are very likely to respond in the same manner. They might test your patience and throw some tantrums but if your intentions are genuine, they do listen and reciprocate. It is very fundamental to our being. If all this seems too much, you can consult a Child Psychologist but do not go with a mindset of getting out everything at once. Rapport building with a child may take few sessions. In case, you have more doubts, you may seek Parent Counselling. Please do not stress too much and think to much ahead in time.

Consult a Psychologist. Parent/ Child Counselling is required.

Mr. Gunjan Maithil Senior Psychologist Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cl