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Was her decision needed?Was it only way?
So,my relationship started on March, 2023, after around September October,my desire for being intimate with her started,at the same time our relationship became long distance,problem arises here,she used to say I am comfortable in that but I don't want our sex to be pre planned,now my logic was that we have to plan even to meet,then must plan to have sex also,and she used to say no,in future if situation arrives then definitely yes from me,I always took it as excuse and used to fight with her about this,also she used to being dramatic about doing video calls,said I am more comfortable in voice call,again fight,I breakup,again patchup after 10 mins,this breakup-patchup was common(I alws did tht when My desires not fulfilled, again patchup) I can say I was not satisfied with her but never felt I would leave her,why so?and finally she left in July,2024 bcz of suffocating toxic relationship,I still think if the relationship was not happy for me even,then why I still can't move on?
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What you’re experiencing is emotional ambivalence—you weren’t fully happy in the relationship, but you were emotionally attached. It’s common in relationships where needs aren’t met (like intimacy or connection), but the hope that they might be met one day keeps you hooked. You kept breaking up and patching up, not because of love alone, but because of an unmet emotional cycle that created craving, frustration, and temporary relief.
Even toxic or unsatisfying relationships can leave a deep mark, especially when your emotional needs were tied to them. You’re grieving the idea of what could have been, not just what was. Moving on isn’t about forgetting—it’s about understanding your patterns and choosing healthier ways to meet your needs in the future.
Take therapy, and you can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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Hi,
It sounds like your relationship was complex and emotionally intense, and despite the challenges, you found it difficult to move on because of the deep attachment and unresolved feelings you had for her. Often, when we experience a relationship that involves strong emotional connections, even if it becomes toxic or unfulfilling, our hearts can hold onto the memories and the hope for things to improve. The pattern of fights, breakups, and patches may have created a cycle that made it hard to let go, as you might have been hoping for reconciliation or change. Additionally, feelings of attachment, nostalgia, and the fear of loneliness can make it tough to move forward. Remember, itâs okay to feel this way, but healing takes time. Focusing on yourself, seeking support from friends or a counselor, and understanding your own needs can help you gradually let go and find peace. Moving on is a process, and with patience and self-care, you will be able to heal and open yourself to healthier relationships in the future.
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Seek counseling sessions and correct your thinking process.
You need an expert counseling psychologist asap.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance
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Hi there,
These are common relationship problems. It occurs company amongst more couples than you think. There is nothing to worry about. Right guidance and motivation can take you through this. Reach out for a consultation
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Hi,Break up can cause deep wounds in your life.You need to give time for yourself and figure out how to handle the situation.Consult a psychologist for guidance
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You can’t move on because emotional bonds, even in toxic relationships, leave deep imprints. Your mind craves the attachment and familiar cycle (fight-breakup-patchup), not necessarily the person. Also, unresolved desires and the sudden end create confusion and pain, making it hard to let go. Healing takes time and self-reflection.there is no short cut.healing takes time.
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Ms. Neha Sachdev
Psychologist
11 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi
So, these are some of the common relationship issues.
Even though you guys have gone through a series of break ups and patch ups, I still ended up with each other.
The reason we are unable to move on is when we fail to get a closure at the end of the relationship. Especially when the other partner leaves without giving an appropriate reason for the break up.
We also fail to move on after a break up is coz we are so habituated to the person with whom we have spend hours talking about our thoughts and emotions.
We can go through counselling sessions. U can contact me at eight three six eight zero five three seven one zero
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Sanjana Purdhani
Psychologist
2 yrs exp
Delhi
What you're feeling is deeply valid, and itâs more common than you think. Even when a relationship is painful, the emotional attachment, shared memories, and hopes you had for it don't just disappear overnight. Letâs break it down gently:
What You Might Be Feeling:
Confused: âIf I wasnât truly happy, why do I still miss her?â
Guilty or regretful: For the patterns of fights, unmet desires, or the way things ended.
Attached: Not just to herâbut to the version of love or connection you hoped would evolve.
Empty or unsettled: Because a part of your identity or routine was built around this bond.
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Emotional investment: You gave your time, feelings, and vulnerability. Letting go feels like losing a part of yourself. Cycle of hope & disappointment: The repeated breakupâpatch-up gave your brain little closures. It became a loop. Unmet needs: Your emotional and physical needs werenât fulfilled, which added confusionâyour body craved closeness, but emotionally things felt off. Fantasy of change: Somewhere, you hoped it would eventually work outâespecially when she said "in future, yes".
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Accept that both of you were not emotionally compatibleâyou wanted connection one way, she had a different comfort zone. Grieve what you hoped for, not just what ended. Itâs okay to mourn a version of love that didnât survive. Notice the patterns (like impulsive breakups over unmet desires)âit helps you grow emotionally for future relationships. Shift the focus from âwhy canât I move on?â to âwhat did I truly need, and how can I give it to myself now?â If this still feels heavy, speaking to a therapistâlike someone from Soul Saveraâs teamâcan help you sort these thoughts in a safe space. Healing isnât about forgetting her; itâs about understanding yourself through what this relationship taught you.
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Dr. Seema Aggarwal (PhD)
Counselling Psychologist
11 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hello,
I suggest you take counseling to resolve your inner Conflict.
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