Please tell me what it is. Or not.

Im worrying a lot, stressing a lot due to various things. I'm leading quite a fearful life. I don't sleep till 4-5 in the morning due to physical health issues. When I sleep, I wake up with bad dreams. I fear a lot. I sit in a separate room and don't talk much with even family, I just sit there watch roof and wall almost every time. I suffer a lot mentally. Now I'm even afraid to take doctor consultation. I just don't feel like taking any consultations anymore I'm afraid of Doctors🙃. I'm having health issues for quite some time now and now I have to be forced to visit doctors. Even the doctors I meet in their first visit go on to say I'm negative minded and all( I'm talking not about psychiatrist). I've been taking treatment for depression. But this is not who I am. Who I used to be. Iam behaving pretty weirdly and after some time I feel how could I behave in such way. I don't think this is depression. I'm losing myself. I don't even remember anything, like if i did something or not.