Maybe childhood truma. See about it.

When I was a little kid around 2-8 years old, my mother use to lashout on due because she use to get angry on other things. She would even beat me for small mistakes because she was angry on some other things. My mother and father would fight min 3 times a week infront of me. My mother kept on talking about committing suicide in front of me. She had a habit of talking to herself while being alone and me being single child alone at home would get to listen it because she's talking to herself loudly. Can all these things construct to some kind of trauma. I've never been able to share what's going inside my head with anyone. Not even with my closest of friends even when they would share things with me. Now when everything is decently fine still I cannot come out of my head. There's always a hyper-vigilance about what's people thinking of me. I am either ignoring/invalidating what's going inside my head or getting see about it.