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I feel I am going under depression.
I don't feel like being around people. I always feel like killing myself. I feel worthless and useless. I don't feel loved or needed. Can't share my feelings with anyone. I try to always come across a happy person but inside I feel totally different. Every time I pick up knife I feel like cutting my veins. Standing in the middle of the road or on train tracks hoping to get hit.
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its really terrible to feel worthless and useless....but you can come out of it for sure. i guess its because of some traumatic incidents in your childhood or recent past. u feel unloved...i think. dont hurt yourself. visit a psychiatrist first. u will need medications. then u will need some form of psychotherapy.
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What made you to be so unhappy  about yourself dear?!!! Feeling  good about yourself had to happen  within you. I think  you are expecting  from people around. Yes,  you would helped many people.  No question about it. Did you do all those for appreciation or for your satisfaction and happiness?!!! Think on the above mentioned point and introspect.
Next Steps
If required,  do consult  a psychologist.
Health Tips
Do write top 10 things you have achieved from your childhood till date. You will be surprised. It might encourage  you to do more and more on life.
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Hello There is a need for someone to understand you, sometimes we predict that no one will understand but rather we have the mask on which makes it difficult for our loves ones to guess if everything is alright. It is important to feel all the emotions and translate it in words to people who care for you. Try and talk to your husband that you are in need to talk. Consult a psychologist immediately to understand your concerns and effective treatment.
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Disclaimer : The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.