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I can't be happy and in peace
Hello,
Over the last year my life has been turned on its head. I am staying in a different city from my hometown. I am always very scared about life and overthink every little thing too much.I broke up with my long-term girlfriend last year because of a new connection. That connection made me happy unexpectedly. But when I got to know her very deeply, I found out she was scared of emotional closeness and she felt suffocated and unable to provide any emotional intimacy when things got serious. She went far and went cold when I expected a bare minimum also. Eventually we broke up and that made me devastated. She said the seriousness in the relationship made her overwhelmed and she is not able to provide any love. Although she was clear and respectful, I feel like so much rejected and down from her actions and words. Sometimes I feel like maybe I was trying to get my happiness from being with her. I don't know how I can achieve peace and be happy in this situation. Please suggest.
Answers (13)
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It seems to be relationship induced psychological changes. It needs to be addressed asap otherwise it may get complicated.
It needs to be addressed in a holistic approach for complete recovery. You need to overcome the challenges.
It can be well treated with counseling sessions and homeopathic medicine effectively if required.
You need an expert Psychologist who is a good homeopathic physician.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance
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Consult psychotherapist
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Reach out for a session
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Hi, Consult a psychologist for professional help
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Hi,
Itâs understandable that youâre feeling overwhelmed and hurt after your breakup, especially given the emotional turmoil and the distance from your hometown. Itâs natural to seek happiness through relationships, but this experience has highlighted the importance of finding inner peace and self-acceptance first. To achieve peace, try to focus on self-care and self-compassionâspend time doing activities that bring you joy and help you reconnect with yourself. Practice mindfulness or meditation to manage overthinking and reduce anxiety about life. It may also help to talk to a trusted friend, counselor, or therapist who can provide support and guidance as you process your feelings. Remember, happiness isnât solely dependent on others; cultivating your own sense of fulfillment, setting personal goals, and embracing your strengths can lead to a more stable and peaceful mindset. Over time, with patience and self-compassion, youâll find ways to heal and create a more positive outlook on life.
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consult
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seek help
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Hi,
What you’re experiencing is deeply painful, but it also reflects your emotional courage and readiness for growth. It’s natural to feel lost and heartbroken after a relationship where your emotional needs weren’t met—especially when you invested deeply and hoped for connection.
While she may have been honest about her limitations, her inability to offer emotional intimacy isn’t a reflection of your worth.
This difficult experience offers clarity: you value closeness, mutual effort, and emotional availability—qualities essential for a healthy relationship.
Now is the time to gently shift the focus from seeking happiness through someone else to reconnecting with yourself.
Begin with small, grounding steps: create supportive routines, explore what brings you joy independently, and lean into the friendships or interests that energize you. Peace doesn’t arrive all at once, but it does begin to grow when we choose ourselves daily—with compassion, curiosity, and patience.
You are not broken—you’re healing. And this chapter, though painful, may become the beginning of a stronger, more self-connected version of you.
With time—and if needed, support from a therapist—you can rebuild not just your sense of happiness, but a deeper trust in your ability to create a fulfilling, emotionally balanced life.
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Consult
Health Tips
Do Deep breathing exercises , repeat positive affirmations.
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Hi
What you’re feeling right now is incredibly valid—grief, confusion, rejection, and the weight of trying to start over in a new city, away from your support system. It’s not just about the relationship ending, it’s also about how deeply it shook your sense of self-worth and emotional stability. When someone we invest in emotionally becomes cold or pulls away, especially after moments of connection, it can feel like being abandoned right in the middle of our most vulnerable moment. And when we carry that unresolved pain, it often shows up as fear about life, overthinking, and a constant search for stability we once felt with that person.
What’s beautiful here is your insight—you’ve already started realizing that maybe you were leaning on this relationship to feel whole or happy. That realization isn’t weakness—it’s growth. The next step is learning how to fill that emotional space from within, instead of trying to replace it. Therapy can help you untangle this pain, rebuild your sense of safety, and learn how to create emotional balance without feeling like you’re always walking on emotional eggshells. Peace isn’t far—it’s just waiting to be invited in.
Take therapy, and you can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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Hi
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life is a long journey, have patience
live life as an independent traveller
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let's talk
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Thank you for sharing so honestly. You have been going through a rough time and your pain is valid. It sounds like you are carrying a lot of self-blame and questioning your worth based on someone else’s capacity to love!
Seeking happiness with someone is human…but true peace begins within, through self-compassion. You will find peace with time, support, and kindness toward yourself. You deserve love that feels safe, mutual, and nurturing.
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Consider giving yourself space to heal, journaling your emotions, and gently working with a psychologist to rebuild your inner stability.
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Please connect with the psychologist to discuss in detail.
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connect
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consult
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Ms. Neha Sachdev
Psychologist
11 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi
Changing of the city, finding yourself lost, is where it started from. Finding a new connection would have given you an instant support and feeling of security to the extend that you relied on the new partner attaching hopes and expectations.
Suddenly, due to your partners past experience, she suppressed her emotions and coped with her situations in a different manner which affected you.
Every person has different and comfortable defence mechanisms. Her coldness towards you doesn’t mean that you are not good enough for her.
Happiness is very subjective and depends entirely on the individual. Happiness is never related to anyone. Happiness is one’s state of mind. Being dependent on her for happiness will shatter you all the time.
Working on your self esteem and self worth is what is needed for you.
You don’t need to rely on anyone. It’s a new city, meet new people and expand your horizons and opportunities by travelling or exploring the new city.
The world doesn’t end with one person. It’s only self that remains with us throughout life.
Next Steps
If you want to talk about it more, happy to listen to you.!
Gud luck
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Ms. Nazia Rashid
Counselling Psychologist
14 yrs exp
Srinagar
Hello! I can understand the difficult situations you have faced from the past year because of many changes in life so I would really suggest that learning to be kind to yourself in moments of pain, understanding your own needs would be the first step to work on yourself.
In addition allow yourself to grieve the losses you've experienced. Suppressing your feelings will only prolong the pain.
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Sanjana Purdhani
Psychologist
2 yrs exp
Delhi
Thank you for sharing so openlyâwhat you're going through is deeply painful, and it's understandable that you're feeling disoriented, rejected, and emotionally exhausted. Youâve made some big life changes recently, and it's completely natural to feel lost when something that once gave you comfortâlike love and connectionâsuddenly becomes a source of hurt. It sounds like you're experiencing a mix of grief, emotional withdrawal, self-doubt, and confusion about your identity and needs. When a connection feels deeply meaningful and then fadesâespecially with someone emotionally avoidantâit can feel like you're chasing closure that never comes. Youâre also confronting an important truth: maybe you were relying on the relationship to regulate your happiness, which is something many people do without realizing.
Next Steps
Acknowledge the emotional residue: What you're feelingârejection, sadness, anxiety, and confusionâis real. Avoid labeling it as weakness. Let yourself grieve what couldâve been, not just what was. Shift your focus inward: Journaling or therapy can help you ask, âWhat was I hoping to receive from her emotionally that I now need to give myself?â Identify what kind of emotional intimacy you want and deserveâso you donât settle for emotional unavailability again. Reconnect with yourself: When you say, âI donât know how to be happy,â it shows that your self-identity got tied to someone elseâs behavior. This is a chance to rebuild happiness from within, through small, meaningful routinesâmovement, reading, solo travel, art, or reflection. Process the breakup with clarity: Avoid romanticizing the past. She wasnât ready for emotional depth, and thatâs not your fault. You didnât failâyou outgrew a relationship that couldnât match your emotional bandwidth.
Health Tips
Grounding practices for overthinking: Try 5-4-3-2-1 technique (naming 5 things you see, 4 you feel, etc.) when spiraling. Limit social comparison: Especially around love or stability. Your journey is unfolding at its own pace. Daily anchor: Pick one self-loving habit each day (like journaling for 5 minutes or mindful walks) to reconnect with peace. If the thoughts or sadness become overwhelming, a therapist at Soul Savera or a trusted professional can offer you a space to untangle this emotionally with guidance and clarity.
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