Fighting my demons is becoming difficult

I know the cause and I am trying to fight it but it becomes difficult. I feel extremely lonely. I have major trust issues that bars me from making really good friends. I have only a very few countable good friends to whom I speak my heart out too. But I don't have people to hang out I find myself alone when I want to go out but others are always in groups and that makes the situation worse. I burst out a lot when I feel lonely I try to calm myself, distract myself but all in vein. Whenever I burst out I feel sucidal. I try to concentrate on my dreams. But I fear that one day this thoughts might conquer and I might give up on life. What should I do? What is this that doesn't let me control my thoughts? Kindly suggest what I can do to get out of this?