Bpd, anger issue, over reaction, anxiety

I have issues controlling my emotions and specially my anger. I have grown up in a negative environment and my father had anger issues and all. Visited a doctor year back who told me that i have bpd issue. I am still jot sure whether i have it or not. It's difficult for me to stay focused and calm all the time. My relationships with my people specially my husband is in a bad condition because of all this. I always seek for validation and become extremely defensive and negative when i am being judged or criticised. And i also have higher emotional expectations from people which my husband keep saying. I cant handle arguments properly and get into a fight soon. Low esteem issue, less confidence and suspicious & i am also highly insecure. Though i never have suicidal thoughts but when i get angry i hurt muslef physically infront of my husband and sometimes him as well. I am traumatised about my past behaviour & panic about uncertainty. want to b normal & happy and always calm. Pls advice