Dyslexia Consultation Centre, Karkardooma

I am Hari Hariharan and I am 58 years old. I am in deep debt to you Dr. You have saved my family lakhs of rupees because of your mediation. When Swetha got married in a different north India family in a love marriage I never though that life would be so complicated. In TN we are not complicated and everything is simple, expectations are simple and if anyone makes a demand we cancel the marriage. My entire clan was aghast when Swetha put a simple mutual divorce case and we were gifted 5 criminal cases from the boys side. *** ******* **** **** ******* The quotations I remember telling you were from 2 Lakh to 7 lakh and at least 5 years on court. You Helped an old father brush it aside. You brought all together, you put sense in the boys head, you logically made it an annulment. I know you are not a lawyer. I know you don't owe us anything. But I am a father. I will never forget. And I will tell everyone I can of you. A few Good Men do exist. You are one. I know you are worried that this will lead to hatred for you from others. You mentioned it to me, not to write, you made me sign that I will not write about it. Im sorry I have to. Forgive me. How can my soul rest if I don't thank you.

Should I seek therapy for my probems and dejection was a crucial question at the center of my thoughts . Because how we deal with our inner world drives everything, and every aspect of how we love, how we live, how we parent and how we lead life, I wanted someone who would understand the depth of my distress. My hesitation and my conventional view of emotions as good or bad, positive or negative, was very rigid. And as I learnt in counselling , rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic. We need greater levels of emotional agility for true resilience and thriving. The sessions were very different as they made me think a lot and eventually I had to accept myself for what I had become. Being in video therapy using zoom and Skype also shattered my myth that I have to meet a mental health professional face to face . In fact I found it to be very convenient to speak to GB sir from my home as it cut out my travelling and traffic time. As I had been in counselling before with someone else , I also realised in therapy or psychological counselling the doctor is more important than the setting of the meeting. I am mentioning this because I had insisted so much to sir that I want to meet him face to face that he had at one point asked me to find someone else. But I'm happy I went with my gut feeling and I have no regret. I realise we have to be open to new ideas and options and leave the professional work to the concerned professional, as the destructive work of denial and saying no and wanting things my way only would have made me miss this opportunity of my therapy sessions with sir.

When Dr Singh asked us how he can help us, I wondered what to reply. As a couple we have been living separate lives for 5 years of 8 years of marriage Before my husband and I got married we lived like a couple that was the envy of our workplace. Now we have become more like roommates, living in a PG than a married couple. There is a lack of communication, conversation, intimacy and we both feel we just co-exist. Sex has tapered off and changes in the bedroom where affection is √withheld as punishment from both sides is common. We both and I want to be fair we both get angry over small things and then withhold affection. Our conflicts have escalated to a point where we have even resorted to psychological and physical violence. Dr Singh undertook the whole responsibility of maintaining the emotional alliance and he never betrayed our secrets to the other. I know my husband tried and even told him we would go to another counsellor, but Dr Singh just kept smiling. Today we can say we know how to stop we have enough understanding of not to allow escalation of conflict into violence. Mostly I am amazed how my husband has changed more than me. I thought I would need to mould myself, but my husband is more a fan and now speaks to challenging cognitive distortions and how we should not be entangled in conflicts and how we should better control our anger and other negative emotions and negotiate time-outs during conflict. First I thought my husbands attitude was a farce. But 7 months consistent behaviour can’t be a farce.

Dr Singh has been a welcome addition to our family and as a person we can go to in a completely secure environment. My girlfriend and I have dated for almost 5 years before getting married. But the lack of consideration of boundaries in her never stopped. Even after six years of being together, she insists on having a look at my phone when I am in the bathroom and she also likes to go through my office bag and this irritates me very badly then there is a fight in our house on a weekly basis, I would say on every second day when I see what she is doing. I think she does not respect my privacy and to have my own things because I don't think I have to share all my thoughts with her because some of them are related to my work where I don't think my wife can help me. I never imagined in the five years that we were dating with each other that she would have this need to be correct all the time and that due to her own insecurities and self-esteem issues she would never allow me to talk and would cut me off every time by saying she knows and then the same cycle of saying sorry again and again and again and again just has driven me so craazy that I would have dumped her if the problem was not solved. It is not funny when I am expected to step up even though she never communicates what she wants to meet. It's been a very good experience in the sessions we had because some of the diagnosis we have done although alien to us have helped me a lot because I don't think my girlfriend and my wife would have believed me had I said the same things to her in detail and probably I may not have been able to show her what is going on because we never could have imagined the reasons for what she was doing. I also would say thank you to my wife because she made a lot of effort and was able to accept a different viewpoint from a elderly person whom she could relate to being her fathers age and I think that also helped a lot. What I don't understand is that we are attending such advanced colleges we are dating each other and then getting married but the cultural change in our mental status is not happening and before marriage the entire situation is different and after marriage the expectations change so much.There is no clarity in expectations.