Social Anxiety. External validation!

I have a huge fear of not been able to fulfil expectations. Even for simple things. I can't even take a spoonful of rice into my plate when judging eyes are seeing. I keep thinking about how i am been perceived. If people are receptive and encouraging i go on, else i retract into a shell. I please people excessively, and when others stop mirroring this facade then i detest them in my mind while outside i don't say anything. I have carrier ambitions but this weird side of me makes me doubt myself and so i am not trying things. Where i am now, i hate my work but people are friendly and accomodative and to try anything else i am just scared how i will react the imaginary push i feel from new people. I try to "learn" from others but at some point i wonder if i keep looking for others to replicate. Where is my originality. I don't own the moment. If someone doesn't laugh on my joke i stop trying. I look for other peoples' views before making decision about how i am. seek external validation